Thursday, July 31, 2003

Will be in Prague for a while and will try to blog but may not have time or easy get on line to tell you the fab wonder things in my life.

So see you in a few days or a week or more ......... dunno


wonder
bhp

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

I feel like I am about to go on a big big adventure.
I feel like I am about to experience something of wonder.
With many people.
Myself as one of the players.
Myself as one of the spectators.
Myself playing a part.
Wonder.

I feel that I am a failure in things I desire to do.
Want I want to do just does not happen.
My ideal falls far short.
It is so difficult.
Some I delight in.
Some I feel the big struggle.

The former 'feel' is the Prague Festival.
www.2003.eay.org
The latter is my direct work with people in such great need.
There is no 'www'......... for this ...... just see my blogs.
At this point I pause and unlock the laptop with Gilles Peterson, my favorite DJ, detail for new bloggers, and I have now the joy of listening to Worldwide GP04. .........Jazz fuzzed with dance, hip hop and ....... I will listen to it more...........

Yep. The feeling of being inadequate is there all the time. Ok, I know the work is not easy .......... as the life lived by some of these bhp's IS NOT.

I was asked a question tonight about why I was so committed to 'people'.
I stumbled to answer but ..... out came the experience of mine when I was 15. It was then ........ Then I was trusted in leadership as a 'good for nothing' trouble maker in the 'b stream' and a school failure.
I fumbled the words also when I talked about a later experience, when I was 21, when I became a Christian ..... or started on that road by becoming a certain sort of Christian. That I enthused about, it was the directional kick I was given and decided upon myself.

The trouble is, I could have continued to expound on the experiences which have been so influential on my life. They have been significant ...... and there are more which I yet have to clock.

So both my feelings today which I share ........ both are doing great things in my soul....... I do believe.

So I share just a little of this continuing journey towards wholeness which is the mission.

I read this today which gave me INSPIRATION to .......
"As regards U2, there is joy in the music that allows us to take up the big issues and go through them. There's a sense of wonder in the music, there's a sense of faith and of possibilities" Bono, 2001


Tuesday, July 29, 2003

God put a smile upon your face ................. Coldplay........ not available ........... whatsthisallaboutthen?
bhp

Sunday, July 27, 2003

Church this morning and then non stop Prague prep.
Las three week-ends solid.
Packed my cases with videos and cd's.
Emails by the shed loads.
Notes and creativity.
All on paper to be realized from Sunday onwards.
The admin creaks at the Prague office.
Greenbelt with 30 years experience much more smooth.
But we had that heartache.

One day, Monday, is my last Prague day before I work for 2 and then fly away.
Thursday is the day it starts for me.
Like the Rugby team I love and who won today, do one match a time.
So Greenbelt waits on the priority list till I say bye to Prague.

so let us live and love in wonder ................ love that love ......I want to make love not be a love lover. A peace lover is not as beautiful as a peace maker. I want to be a love maker.

We are all products of people who loved us, or failed to love us, or were unable to love us.
Thanx for God for being a lover
...................wonder...................................................bhp

Saturday, July 26, 2003

I am trying to get contact with anyone who has a copy of the SCRIPT video.
SCRIPT is a band made famous at Greenbelt even though they never played live. Their tape was lost by me (I loaned it to some-one and didn't get it back) and I only have a second generation copy from when we showed it on Main Stage in 19**?. Someone MUST have a copy!

If anyone has video from any of the older festival can you let me know? pip@pipwilson.com
I have video from the Stinking Late Shows back in 1986 but there must be some clips from earlier?
All the best stuff will be out there in ya face at the '30 Year Retro' show as below. You may be a able to contribute?


THIRTY STINKIN YEARS
Ninety minutes of Greenbelt carnage: song, dance, comedy, tragedy, live
interviews, archive video, contemplative prayer, fairly well known
celebrities, relatively new jokes and, of course, THAT video. All in all an
affectionate 30 year GB retrospective hosted by Pip Wilson and Martin Wroe.
(Roughly three minutes per annum, history permitting.)

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

I am troubled tonight.
I am troubled deep.
I feel a deep sadness.
Not for myself.
The trouble in my soul is, I am only working this out as I click the keys, I feel deeply for the people I have been with.
Trapped.
Locked.
Negative.
Dependent.
Medicated.
Brainsoaked.
Hurting.


Once a film for TV was made about the work I was doing, some years ago, and I felt not ok because they called it something like 'Hopeless'. I did not feel or believe the people I worked with were hopeless. I believed they were deprived and lost and bursting with creativity which was generaly, sadly, anti-social.

Am I saying these NOW people are 'hopeless'?
Thinking and scratching the brain, a brain which seems so close to the soul, I think they are not hopeless which is NO HOPE. I feel and think the word 'trapped' my be more appropriate.
It is not right to say this in that all are individuals and have unique issues in life. Sometimes I feel that they will have to get into a worse state before they can step away from it. Hope is a deep word, a Bible word, a positive, futuristic word. I want to lock into that and not to feel the oppression of their loss, deprivation,...............

The message of the incarnation is, I believe, is ......... we have to feel that pain ourselves so that our own soul aches, so we feel the brokenness, feel the depth of their trapped life style. It is what we believe, I reflect, which directs our attitudes, tone, decisions and role.

So, I now say I have to feel the pain but but reflect then above it. Lift up in Angel wings so that I am not trapped ......... but focussed and strategic in every relationship and ( again impossible) in every conversation and utterance.

Lord have mercy and roll on Greenbelt

bhp

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

This is a show worth a see at Greenbelt......................


THIRTY STINKIN YEARS


Ninety minutes of Greenbelt carnage: song, dance, comedy, tragedy, live
interviews, archive video, contemplative prayer, fairly well known
celebrities, relatively new jokes and, of course, THAT video. All in
all an
affectionate 30 year GB retrospective hosted by Pip Wilson and Martin
Wroe.
(Roughly three minutes per annum, history permitting.)

Just watched a vid from oldtime Greenbelt. Trouser Television
TROUSER TELEVISION.
Was produced and directed by Willie Williams of Greenbelt and U2 fame.
He went on to have a 60 million budget for doing the same with a smalltime band and it was called the Zoo tv tour or something.

The tape is old and made to be shown in episodes like we will again the is year. It is SO wonderful and has so many people starring in it. Some I know the names. Others looking so young and now........
*rain was filmed with toilets too
*There was Steve Fernie talking to a tent
*lots of people telling jokes .....some funny
*A nappy change race with two babies who will now be ..... almost teenagers ( I don't want to give the year away)
*the punk orchestra
*two people giving a one minute seminar each and talking at the same time.

......... it is so fab that I want to play it all in the retro show being done by Martin Wroe and myself this year. The tape is all fronted by Willie who will be with us in the flesh.

I want to show it you now!!

So that is one of the top shows to get to which is not in the leaflet ..... much. There is so much which will not be expected and great ......... that is Greenbelt all over ....... it is impossible to tell the treats up front. I don't know the extent of all the programme and THAT is exciting.
Pip Wilson bhp

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Got...... today the new Nitin Sawhney album 'Human '........I consider him to be 'a beautiful one'.
I have all his works and have seen him live at the Royal Albert Hall with ......get a load of this:-
London Chamber Orchestra
Jeff Beck
MC Cole
Courtney Pine ......... what 'wonder'

On this new one 'Aqualung' appear .... as you know ..... playing Greenbelt this year ...... so soon!
"Falling ......
some day the wind will change and you will see me clearly " they sing.
more later.
bhp

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

BACKTOBACK .....talking to two people.

One wanted to talk and able. Open and thinking and feeling and articulating the feelings. There was a depth of feeling and knowledge about feelings and dependancy. Problems yes. Big, so big I cannot tell you. It started well and finished well. An agreement for more.

Another was 'suggested' into talking by another so we sat on a bench outside alone. I was alone because the 'wait a minute' lasted 6 and I was about to go when ........there was two on the bench.
" I cannot talk. I have all-sorts of feelings and they can only come out when I explode. I am scared of my feelings and I cannot talk but want to"
My words just said that I am available when needs sweep the will over the fear of touching those feelings. Feelings are like a volcano, they will erupt and hurt the person and others when they do. The 'hell of a young life' is heading for more hell. Scared of the feelings inside. Honest to say the feelings are depressing and hurting but not able to talk. We agreed to meet and talk when ............ I hope it is not too late. There is pain inside.

Confidentiality keeps me vague so I apologize.
bhp

"Evangelical Christianity was behind Wilberforce's successful campaign to abolish slavery. Elizabeth Fry and John Howard fought for prison reform and Lord Shaftesbury put a stop to children being sent down mines and up chimneys. It was a tradition that influenced many of the founders of the Labour party and trades union movement. "

So says the article in the Guardian today which also says that Evangelicals have now become the modern 'witch burners' and not the reformers of today.

It is so sad that we cannot be accepting.

You are a beautiful human person.
bhp


"dance like no-one is watching
sing like no-one is listening
and love like you have never been hurt"

www.pipwilson.com
§§§ sign up for my eNewsletter on my website
§§§ check the website also for my daily blog

Monday, July 14, 2003

Greenbelt looms ever so soon and the Management Group meet today in a monthly meeting ....... 2003 penultimate. Then follows, so soon, the 30th festival -looking so good if not the best ever. Amazingly the majority of people do go to Greenbelt not because of the line up. We don't go to Cheltenham, we go to the festival no matter where it may be.

That is the following we get and we gather together like a clan, a tribe, a family coming to a wedding of a loved one. And isn't that true? Love, love, love.

We are also getting new family members as we travel. New people who discover that their faith is helped to make more sense because of the gathering of the clan. Roots down walls down. That sort of clan.

Wondrously there are new people who join who faith in God is not too important to them and have not adopted his lifestyle pointers. That thing of being open and welcoming does something to the seekers too. Noses go into the clan lifestyle and ears into the audio spilling from 15000 lips and eyes read the crapminamized non-verbal communication and ........... decide to join the clan. Some hold out their hands and touch finger tips with their new non earthly parent .............with the same dna! ......... and like 'run dmc' ....... "walk this way".

What is all this stuff around Jeffrey John? What is this gay scene which seems to scare some people of faith. Anger some people of faith? Bigot some people of faith. So ....... the clan discusses and discovers a faith that is vivid and real today and not locked into ancient dogma. Didn't we run through this pathway of nettles when we had the women's issues in new focus ....... as we still do? Didn't we work at this and get stung when apartidete was a ugly blot for the world tribe.....as prejudice still is?

I will go to Greenbelt to learn so much and most of it ...... I am not looking for because I am not there yet ...... not even looking. But it is beautiful to discover that newness which exercises the mind and the whole of me.

To offer is also on my agenda. My uniqueness will take something new into the clan. My journey in the last year will be shared and in my sharing I myself will discover new things as it pours from my soul and becomes concrete.

And you ............................?

hmmm Greenbelt ..............................

bhp

Saturday, July 12, 2003

"
Venue for 'Making Love' is Tent 2 Cafe (one of the four big tops)- capacity
stated as 1000.
"

This is what I received about the workshop I am doing in the big ymca Prague Festival, it is a good quote!
It is a workshop, sorta training session(three in the week x 1.5 hours) about love and how do we do it .....seeing that Jesus mentioned it a few times and made out it was pretty important. It will be experiential and good fun and deep too. I will take the group, with their permission, down a road where they share in small groups in a fun way, personal stuff, faith stuff, childhood stuff ........ and come out of it feeling good and knowing themselves better, skills too, loving themselves better, better lovers of humans and feeling warm about their creator..Thought I would share that with you......................................... you are beautiful ....................bhp
THE BIG THING IS GETTING my Prague act together.
www.2003.eay.org will tell you about this and I will be busy doing things there ......... now I love it and benifit, and others do I believe....................but I have to prepare.
All I do is 'rolling' fast in the shows and seems informal and fun .......... and it stinking is .........but the repertoir needs to be in the back pocket and I will have to do that in a few days free ...............hey hey

bhp

Friday, July 11, 2003

I'm nobody's child
I'm nobody's child
Nobody wants me because
I'm nobody's child

Thursday, July 10, 2003

I'm nobody's child
I'm nobody's child
Nobody wants me because
I'm nobody's child

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

Well .......................
well clammy day in London town ...... for all you out of townies ..... Joan was the one under the knife today and me trying to be supportive. All went well thanx.

I did go and meet some bhp's. We talked about Maslow and his heir-achy of needs theory. Just a theory but I like it and it makes sense to me in the process of human development. As a mind jog, he says that we develop along a line which is pretty predictable.
1 basic human needs must be met first. Food, shelter, clothing.
2 Security is next. Safety is vital before the next phase.
3 Belonging, community, the area the ymca works so much on.
4 Esteem, feeling ok about self
5 To know, knowledge, to seek to learn.
6 Art, beauty and contribution to all of that.
7 Self-actualized, the spiritual, the wholistic .......complete.

Most of the people sharing together said they moved between 2 & 3 which says much about the ymca community. The struggle is with the next step. Value of self. Self esteem. Confidence...............
That is why I do my group work, to help build this self esteem and it is a major issue for individuals who have stumbled badly in life and feel there is a mountain to climb. And they don't have the climbing gear!
It was great. I was buzzin' from the experience and the comments made.

Life has such wonder

I'm off ...............................b beautiful.............................bhp



"dance like no-one is watching
sing like no-one is listening
and love like you have never been hurt"

www.pipwilson.com
§§§ sign up for my eNewsletter on my website and get one monthly ..... free!

Monday, July 07, 2003

I have got 'Vitreous Detachment'.
When I went the Docs today folowing a weeks wait since the holiday, he sent me immediatly to the eye clinic. I was seeing a blanket swinging in my right eye and blurring my vision. So ................ some concern from dear old me. Nobody else can see this stinker but I can and it was bigtime driving to Italy through France of course.
Yellow eye drops and a ban from driving for the ''day out at the hospital and I was diagnosed as ....... he said a 'jelly' detaches from the retina and causes this. It may get worse before it gets better but then it will get better. It will drop off and just become a floater in the eye.It cannot be reattached. hmmmmmm

Relief.!

The same day Joan is in for an op and that meant strange vibes in the Wilson home. So the end of the day leaves me getting ready for work a.m. as Joan lies in hospital and I am galad to say, home tomorrow.

It has all gone a bit Pete Tong ....... I say that because, as I click them keys, Pete is playing them on last Fridays tape .....the vibes are good.......... I can have it really load with Joan being away!!
Short reflection today. No deep reflection. But .......have a look at the redesigned 'pearls of wilson' on my website and the 'Level 5' too!! See the poems written by some of the people I work with and feel them ........ great stuff.
B beautiful ............................................. bhp

Sunday, July 06, 2003

Sunday Sunday ........................... lunch by Joy ....... and conversations with Angels ............

The bad thing again today was plowing through London traffic ........... so slow and tense and such a waste of human time ...... good job I had Joan and Gilles Peterson to keep me sane.

Busy week ahead and do not feel best prepared for it but ......... I like that bible verse:- "God wants what we have not what we havent"

So here it is .......... I hand it over ..........................
................................................................bhp

Saturday, July 05, 2003

Met today in the garden of Deb and Mark of the London Borough of Ealing ...... it was a level 5 BBQ and the families were there in a noisy, ever running, enthusiastic environment with great food with a Turkish twist...............
see the pics of these humans who have been meeting for some 24 years to share our lives with each other ...... http://www.pipwilson.com/Pages/Level%205.html we are a group that no other bhp can join but sadly we miss some when we meet for various reasons. I love em.

You can see more of them at my farewell event in the picture 'gallery' on this website.....I love em .......................... bhp
Hey, check out Gilles Peterson's new Worldwide 3 Album at Play.com

Friday, July 04, 2003

Meetings today ...... one long and three others ..... all through the howl and bustle of London traffic and tube.

Rugby on tv now.
My number one relaxation, almost, and of course they need to win!

come on the Saints!!

bhp
Tired right now.
Long day.
People.
Feel good.

Just been talking live on iMac to iMac with live voice and live screen view to my Tomac the mac man who has this camera and I can see him and talk to him ...... "whatever next" say the old people.................

Had a good day if I scan back.
Fantastic talk over three cups of tea ...... thanx K' if you read this. You make life worthwhile and give me living hope when I work alongside people who have non. You are a wonder.

My return to work from holiday was welcomed by others and that pleases me. I still need that affirmation/confirmation.
Had a fantastic group session with a mix race, mixed ability, mixed disability (we all got them both) ...... wonder ...............

I need to be fresh for all this you know. It is, I now know, a big pull on the emotions so I need to be on top and not raw and down .......

yes .................. my thoughts ...... a glimpse ..... (the spelling looks wrong but too tired to care )...... I amoff and want to say ...................B beautiful..........bhp

Thursday, July 03, 2003

I like Moby.............



I saw on TV what he said about George Bush and I think he has a unique contribution to this art we love and the justice we crave ...... so I nicked his words from his daily blog an push them in front of your eyes ............bhp

Glastonbury
7/2/2003 - Tarvisio, Italy

hi. we're in italy now, but i wanted to write something about my experience at glastonbury.
for many, many years i assumed that i would never get to perform at glastonbury. and then in 1997 or '98 i was invited to perform in the dance tent.
it was a muddy and cold festival that year, but i was still quite thrilled to finally be on the bill at glastonbury.
and then in 2000 we were invited to perform again, but this time on the 2nd stage before nine inch nails performed.
and again i was thrilled to have been invited to be at glastonbury, which really is the mother of all festivals.

and then this year we were invited (and when i say 'we' it's not the royal 'we', but rather my band and i...) to headline the closing day at glastonbury.
my feelings went beyond being thrilled, because it seemed a bit too much to be headlining the same stage where radiohead and r.e.m were also headlining.
but no, much to my surprise it wasn't a clerical error, they actually wanted me to headline the closing night at glastonbury.
and i'm ecstatic that it went as well as it did. i had envisioned people leaving for the parking lot while we were performing, but from what i could see from the stage it looked as if everyone actually stayed.
so, thank you.
thank you to the festival organizers who invited us to perform on the pyramid stage.
and thank you to everyone in the audience who chose to watch our performance as opposed to trekking to the parking lots.

i had a wonderful time at glastonbury, so thanks again everybody.

performing to 125,000 people at glastonbury has definitely been one of the highlights of my life and my career.
so again, thank you.
moby

One........

by U2..........

live in wonder...................
bhp

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

I have spent some large time with one person with a cv like this:-

18 years of smoking crack and heroin and now taking 12mm a day of methadone which is a substitute.
Some time ago he was taking 55mm a day of methadone a day.
Erratic. Talks all the time. Then alone and isolates self.

I feel .......... he ................
Needs to spend one hour a week with a counsellor and experience one hour of consistency a week rather than just bouncing around from one person to another. I am not the person to help. I can be a friend, a support, an item of unconditional love.

It is so easy to hide behind the dress, the cover, the mask.. That is superficial. A mask. A shell ........but the inner person is the most important and that needs some sort of special help and consistent love.
b beautiful .................

bhp

yes .... I am back to work and, with full intensity, in deep with people with behavioral cries seeping from deep within them.

Spent one hour listening and talking with one man who just gulped cans of 'red stripe' lager as we spoke. He is dependent on the liquid. Articulate. Friendly and accepting of me and ......... I cringe with disgust at his racism.

He is not unattractive. He is talkative and I find it easy to relax with him but...
my innards cringe at his state of mind and at the same time I feel for him with compassion.

Then later I run a group session. He is there and about 12 others. For a time. Only about half stay and see the session process through. They come and go. I accept that because it is not school.
The biggest struggle is to stay positive because every 15 seconds the discussion turns to the negative. Usually personal statements. 'Self revelation' it is called. It needs to come out but it is not good when it gushes from hurting souls without a balance.

So it is draining for me. The 1 to 1's and the groups. Holidays are over.
But I want to do this. It is needed and I CAN offer something.

So I reflect on me and my experience and skills and sensitivity. Mission of life.? How I can do it better.? Be more human and in touch with them ...... and God and not care about management and job security but ........ being the 'flesh' there which is as appropriate as can be.

Can you understand all this? I share my feelings of walking alongside some beautiful and damaged humans. You may not see the pictures before me as I see it. Feel the individual hurts and beauty ....... but hope you can sense mine?

Well ....... wishing you love and wonder ..... ................................bhp






"dance like no-one is watching
sing like no-one is listening
and love like you have never been hurt"
www.pipwilson.com
pip@pipwilson.com