"I slashed my arm to the bone"
"I have just come out of mental hospital"
Words said to me as
'first ever words' .. .. .. .. ..
I feel pleased because that human person has just said their first words to me EVER .. ... .. .... .. ... . ... up 'till now there has been avoidance.
So I am pleased.
Accepting people as they are is always the right thing
but not always the easy thing.
I want to tell you who I am because I believe that
vulnerability is a strength not a weakness .....
but it still feels vulnerable .....
The inner me feels that .....
I hate to say this but,
I sometimes have an inner 'cringe' at the disaster of a life lived.
Someone with massive issues
Outside my own 'first hand' experience.
Outside ........
the 'on show me' ........ is a sensitive and loving me,
not shocked,
not cringing away
never
......and that is real.
But I feel some considerable pain when I stand or sit or get in close to a human in pain .....
I have the deepest of feelings for the damaged souls.
It comes down to the soul.
It is not just body damage,
not just mental damage,
not just a lifetime of rejection ........
........................................ it is soul damage.
Damaged by a collection of the above and sometimes more,
and other life-stuff we will never will know about.
The damage it can do to my soul .............
it is draining and the need and skill and awareness to stay positive
and loving
loving humans
is a drain.
That is why I need you.
Need my friends.
Need people who love me and accept me.
(or just accept me - that is fine)
That is soul food.
That is the thing I live for.
Giving till it hurts and receiving - like the thirsty human that
........ I am!
So I do these things.
I write and reflect and learn.
I need to write because,
that too,
is soul food.
"Whenever I am particularly evil,
I'm extra nice to strangers for at least two years.
I've spent so much money on beggars.
I'm handing out £50 notes.
Beggars are so godly, they always run after me:
'Miss, you've given me too much.'
That's the spirit of Jesus"
Julie Burchil
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