Dark ChurchSnow today - quiet outside the Church in the snowy sludge.
Good Friday had a crowded Market outside - our church is set in an open market place.
It is Easter Sunday and it was dark in church. We all received a candle as we entered. Later it became light as the single flame was passed around and the space became light .......
Sat next to Daphne - I can only remember her name by thinking of the movie 'some like it hot'.
All these are 'Level two'.
The Church was rammed today.
Love the multi-cultural mix.
Joan stayed behind with her Mother. I felt her not being there. Not lonely.
But I am filled with thoughts and feelings which, the latter, I am not in contact with yet.
So I scribble on the service sheet during the next hour or so.
I feel ok.
Expectant.
Not routine.
Part relaxed.
I feel some tiredness.
I feel in limbo a bit.
('Lord have Mercy upon us' the 50 strong choir sings ........)
I feel I am not living normal- I don't like normal.
Joyce being with us changes everything.
I feel disturbed/unsettled/restless - not a lot but I am amazed how, when I dig the crates of my soul, I am able to contact a depth of feeling which are submerged.
The first thing a did when I came into Church was to sneak up to Jess and giver her a kiss on the cheek.
She lost her Mother a couple of years ago to the big C.
We lost a friend.
The service rolls on and I am aware that Jesus coming through the death experience triggers all sorts of mind jumping.
I think of Joan, Joyce, Bex, Amanda, Jason, Clare, Nat, Sheilas, you .... and tears enter my eyes as I keep my head down.
Tears magnify my vision.
I think up about humans messed up - just like me - only different.
I want to bring humans into this situation which is about the Divine.
I think of 'me' too.
I think that it is so easy - to think 'me'.
If we do not worship God
I think we worship 'me'.
The message today was on the text 'Do not hold me'.
That was Jesus speaking to Mary Magdalene.
It seems that several Gospels did not arrive in our Good Book. One was the Gospel of Thomas and another the Gospel of Mary Magdalene .
It seems that in the text of Mary's Gospel - her relationship with Jesus was written about and how
"She kissed him on the ......."
...... and the caterpillars had eat the rest of the ancient manuscript text.
With great effect - it was said that Jesus said
'Do not hold me'
because he was now risen and was not only for her - but for us all.
He belongs to everybody.
In is human form he hung out with only a few intimately, and a few thousands in other circumstances.
Now, in his risen/eternal body - he is yours - he is mine - and ................... 'tears and love flow mingled down' as my mind jumps again .......
I sometimes imagine myself holding on to Jesus.
More often - I reach out and he touches his finger tip firmly onto mine .........
