What do you do before you go to bed at night?
Read
Pray
Reflect
Trash TV
Bathe
Hot Chocolate
Music
Think
Plan
Work
iPhone
Computer?
I always want to blog.
Most times I do at these times.
I want to reflect.
I want to get it out
- the stirrings of the day.
I am tired but in the slowness
I want to connect with my soul.
The innards
the place I want to journey to -
my interior.
I am feeling ...........
I am always feeling
every moment of the day.
I try
strive indeed,
to be in touch with them.
'Why am I afraid to tell you who I am,
because if I tell you who I am,
that is all I have'.
That is the title of my favourite book of all time.
I try to tell you who I am.
And myself 'who I am'.
I am committed to it.
'Feelings' is a good way to take the mask off.
I asked someone today 'how are you feeling?'
I received 'alright' pause 'good'.
I asked again and there was a longer pause -
So few humans are asked that question.
Most, who do ask, don't wait for the answer.
The space is not given.
The eyes don't linger for the reflection.
The eagerness to know is often close to zero.
Then out came a beautiful stream.
Single words -
all from a google of the soul.
The beautiful human spilling.
Not details 'why' all these feelings,
but just words.
Single words.
Powerful words.
Every word with a story behind.
Beautiful.
Two hours later before the peppermint tea and
before separation,
the words turned into stories, thoughts, reflections.
Beautiful.
I am feeling
Yearning to become
A heaviness in my chest
Almost physical
But deeper than that.
I want to understand me more.
I want to be alive more.
I want to sip at the cup more.
I don't get the bit about
'you will never thirst again'.
I am always thirsty.
So my feelings are that deep.
Not many issues in life to be concerned about.
Things to do
emails to answer,
please forgive me, sessions to prep but,
who I am tonight,
I am not afraid of him.
I just want to continue the journey.
*******
*******
Today I was on a Bus in central London.
There was a vicious racially motivated attack.
It was an attack.
Language and blows.
Aggression and violence.
It disturbed all on the crowded bus.
Fear more than disturbed.
I have seen so much of it in my life.
I have seen a young mans head being kicked around like a ball.
I have experienced knives, pick axes, meat cleavers
all in the hands of humans out of control.
As today.
I once was passing a corridor with two young men fighting with knives.
I walked on because what I had to deal with
was much worse.
I hate violence.
I run training sessions for workers
about managing aggression and violence but
I hate it hate it.
It is a result of surges of emotion taking over the human.
Fear, insecurity, anger alongside lack of emotional intelligence.
We do it too,when we snap back at the persons we love.
It comes out of the same place.
It is built up in tribes, gangs, crowds and Nations too.
Lord have mercy.
We have much to do.
We have so much loving to do.
If we are not part of the solution
we are
part of the problem.
*******
May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half truths and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart
May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort and
To turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor
