Following my '40' blog last night
I felt like weeping.
Not actually weeping
but that feeling inside
which is at the heart of sobs.
I always ask 'why'
regarding my behaviour -
regarding my feelings.
Why?
I think this '40' blog is at the heart
of my condition as a human
this journey
this identification
with the poorest of humans
with the poorest of humans crippled with violence
with the poorest of humans crippled with anger
with the poorest of humans crippled with wounds
with the poorest of humans crippled with broken relationships
with the poorest of humans crippled with fight as a defence
with the poorest of humans crippled with flight as a defence
with the poorest of humans crippled with absence of love
with the poorest of humans crippled with a poor experience of love
with the poorest of humans crippled with failure to love.
I think all this triggered
the feelings I always get
confronted with injustice
confronted with seeing justice being done.
It also triggered my deeper
feelings about myself.
(Which I believe exists in all of us)
That activity of comparing ourselves
with others
and coming up
poor.
I believe it is good
to contact such feelings within us.
I want to own them,
touch them sometimes,
and remind myself
to accept
and love
the person who
I am going to spend the rest of my life with.
