I am going to get my life together in 2010.
I slipped up in 2009.
It was all new to me.
I fumbled.
I stumbled.
I wept.
I was inflicted with change.
I was thrown hard balls.
I am alive -
still.
2009 was full of change.
2009 wasn't really tough,
I am just being dramatic.
But it was full of change
and I feel good about the year.
but...............
A year ago today
I never thought
we would be living
in a new Wilson Mansions.
I never thought I would be
unemployed for the first time
since I was 15 years old.
I never thought I would be
a totally freelance facilitator/educator.
I never thought I would be
an, almost, Granddad.
And there has been
many more changes.
Largely through challenges.
My internal Pip
has
changed,
developed,
become more fragile,
become more sensitive,
become more yearning,
become more seeking,
become more reflective,
become more ............
I wonder what your thoughts are
on this?
I guess you constantly suss me out.
Strive to understand me
me too.
I have never come to terms
with the 'R' word.
Some people still say it.
Never having seen me
for some years,
they use it.
Some think,
because I left community leadership
6.9 years ago, that I had retired
(damn - I have used that word!!)
Some think that,
because I have moved out of London,
that I have 'R'.
I admit that I don't relish the thought
don't relish that state
don't relish not being able to be active
doing what I passionately desire to do.
In 2010 I will carry on gigging.
I will carry on writing
I will carry on becoming emotionally literate
I will carry on becoming more spiritually literate
I will carry on meeting humans
I will carry on supporting the wounded
I will carry on learning, reading, interacting,
Greenbelting
One day some of these will fade away.
I need to come to terms with this.
That, and other decisions,
will be my focus today.
I will, most of all, learn how to type in 2010.
I have never ever been taught.
I will learn to do it.
I will learn how to do this for more that 15 minutes
with more than two fingers.
I WILL.
I will ride my bike daily
I will.
(unless I am away,
or weather is wicked)
I WILL.
I will be a good Granddad.
I WILL.
I will learn to live on a Pension
I will have to.
I WILL.
I will read daily.
I will pray with every breath.
I will eat healthier.
I will love.
I will love the unlovely.
I will learn.
I will live generously
I will love the world
I will journey
I will remind you 'you are beautiful'
I will become well travelled
internally
in relationships
in values
in love.
I WILL.
Welcome into my life,
dear 2010.
I will receive your hard balls,
welcome your
challenges
changes
unthinkables
unwantables
undesirables.
I WILL
I WILL
Dance like no-one is watching
Sing like no-one is listening
and
Love like you have never been hurt.
