I am going to get my life together in 2013.
I slipped up in the previous multiple years.
It was all new to me.
Every one.
I fumbled.
I stumbled.
I wept.
I was inflicted with change.
I was thrown hard balls.
I am alive -
still.
Year dot to 2012 was full of change.
some days/weeks really tough,
but
I am just being dramatic.
But
it was full of change
and I feel good about the year/s.
but...............
Ten year ago
I never thought
we would be living
in a different Wilson Mansions.
I never thought I would be
out of full time employment
(since I was 15 years old).
I never thought I would be
a totally freelance facilitator/educator.
I never thought I would be
a Grandad.
And there has been
many more changes.
Largely through challenges.
My internal Pip
has
changed,
developed,
become more fragile,
become more sensitive,
become more yearning,
become more seeking,
become more reflective,
become more ............
I wonder what your thoughts are
on this?
I guess you regularly suss me out.
Alongside yourself.
maybe try to understand me.
alongside yourself
- me too.
I have never come to terms
with the 'R' word.
Some people still say it.
Never having seen me
for some years,
they use it.
Some think,
because I left community leadership
nearly 10 years ago, that I had retired
(damn - I have used that word!!)
Some think that,
because I have moved out of London,
that I have 'R'.
I admit that I don't relish the thought
don't relish that state
don't relish not being able to be active
doing what I passionately desire to do.
In 2013 I will carry on gigging.
I will carry on writing
I will carry on becoming emotionally literate/intelligent.
I will carry on becoming more spiritually literate/intelligent.
I will carry on meeting humans.
I will carry on supporting the wounded.
I will carry on learning vulnerability.
I will carry on refreshing my irritation.
I will carry on seeking Shalom
I will carry on learning, reading, interacting,
Greenbelting
One day some of these will fade away.
I need to come to terms with this.
That, and other decisions,
will be my focus today.
I will learn how to type 2013.
I will ride my bike daily
I will.
(unless I am away,
or weather is wicked)
I WILL.
I will be a good Grandad.
I WILL.
I will learn to live on a Pension
I will have to.
I WILL.
I will read daily.
I will pray with every breath.
I will eat healthier.
I will love.
I will love the unlovely.
I will learn.
I will journey
I will remind you 'you are beautiful'
I will become well travelled
internally
in relationships
in values
in love.
I WILL.
Welcome into my life,
dear 2013.
I will receive your hard balls,
welcome your
challenges
changes
unthinkables
unwantables
undesirables.
I WILL
I WILL
