Sunday, February 18, 2018

An obnoxious person is a hurting person..Can you help me to understand something?

Back in the day 
when we had been married for 
one year to the day - 
one year on
we sold up out terraced house in 
St Helens Lancashire
and moved on a wave of faith..............................

Suddenly we had 15 children  
15 boys boys in our family
all sent by the courts of Manchester
to this Young Offenders Unit.

I was House Father at 26
MrsBeautiful Housemother at 22.

That move changed the rest of our lives.

NO stay at home couple/family
NO comfort zones
Tough times ahead
Regret the pain
Icid indigestion

Regret all that 
but never the step outside our comfort zones
because growth resides 
outside our comfort zones.

Since then I have been trying to work something out.
MANY things need working out but this one thing is stirring my soul of late.

I have worked with young offenders all my life
damaged kids who have lived a far more extreme life than mine.
Hurt Neglected Abused Beaten Corrupted ............ lives of hell.

When I work with / support young humans or adult humans
who have been through such damage
they are often left in a state of 
hate anger bitterness dysfunction +
about their offenders 
(sometimes called 'parents')

I have seen and heard & felt, ALSO, their parents pain.
Even though in many cases I have never met them.
I can sense their damage - feel it - have empathy with them in it - in their mess.
But the young person, in most cases, cannot.

Do you feel the hurt so much by another human that you can't see through their behaviour to empathise with their damage?

Are you so hurt by their treatment of you?  
Their words
Their abuse
Their neglect 
Your wounds
Your scars ................
That you can't accept their damage?

If so - what can be done by the damaged child/youth/adult, or me in a helping relationship, to help the person through this?

I suppose it is about forgiveness.
About accepting the past behaviours & moving on with an inner conversion of acceptance EVEN if the abuse continues?

I would like to be able to help.
Don't get me wrong - I never give advice,
I ask questions - help people to suggest options for themselves.

Any thoughts of pointers to see into this challenge would be very much appreciated.