Joan was in the North when her Mother died. I drove up on Friday to be with her.
I don't want to click about anyone else at the moment but I do need to reflect on my feelings and all the goings on in my interior.

At the same time I am prepping for a session at Kings College tomorrow.
At the same time I am feeling strange.
Joan is full of feelings.
The Sheilas are.
Me too.
When I was with Joan, I have returned to London now, we got on with doing stuff there. Being together sorting stuff out was good. I returned with a rammed car. Mainly bedding that needs washing.
Once we had separated I felt different. Joan was isolated staying in her Mothers home.
End of the day tiredness left us both separated and feeling fragile.

I am certain I am feeling transference of feelings from Joan. Plus my own. I work at this feelings stuff but there is a depth of feeling I have not clocked before. It is like an internal loss. Internal fragility. Inner weeping. Not sleeping.

As I click the keyboard my feelings change. I guess that is one reason I reflect like this. It is vital it comes out of the gut - not rotting in there.
I am not overcome with emotion. No tears. Inner sobbing - yes.


I naturally want to refer to Joyce, Joan and the Sheilas but I feel it is too soon for all concerned for me to be sharing too much.
I will reflect on a life lived. On relationships. Love. Honour. Respect. Our grieving.
But now is too soon.
I need to get on with other things - not easy.

I have been playing Bugge Wesseltoft on my Blog and at home - reflective and deep moody music.
That is where I am but .......... I am blasting out Dance Music - Dead Mouse and Pete Tong at the moment.

I need to lift my spirits and music does that for me.
I will retail some beautiful quieter music on my blog.

Here I want to boom shake the room ..............



Whatever you face
Whatever your reality
Whatever your unresolved emotions
You are beautiful
Feelings are signals
Welcome them
Do not let them control
Manage them
Use them
Don't let them whip you
You are beautiful no matter what the feelings may be ...................



.

I don't want to rush into words at this time.
Our little Family is grieving at the loss of Joyce aged 85.
I will show a few pictures gathered over many years ...........

Thanking You

We have received many warm and supportive communications since we last Joyce Joans Mother and the Sheilas Nana. She died yesterday.
We have axperienced that we lose the person we knew and loved when they suffer from dementia. Then we lose again when when they pass away eternally as she did yesterday.

We appreciate and welcome all your support.
BBlessed.
Bhp

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Family News

Joans Mum, the Sheilas Nana, died at 4.30 this afternoon.

Posted with LifeCast

... sometimes tears come on me when I am not expecting them.

I read about how Israeli Troops had stopped a Palestinian man on the way to a violin lesson.
They forced him to play as they laughed.

There has been some negative feedback in the Israeli media;

- not about the 13 year old girl who was shot by the troops and then again with multiple shots to her dead body - with the comments that they would have shot her if she had been 3 years old....

- not negative feed back either when there was a report how a corpse of another Palestinian was desecrated by impaling his head on a pole and placing a cigarette between his lips...

THE UPSET WAS, and I understand, because the treatment of the violinist reminded some sensitive people that very act was used during the holocaust by the Nazi camp commanders.
They had forced Jewish violinists to play for them as they mass murdered other humans in the gas chambers.

That hit me deep.
It is yet another example how humans can slip into injustice to the point of death.
It happened in the build up the the death of Jesus.
I see it in Iraq.
I weep as I read it here.

God bless us and keep us from such terrible behaviour - even unto death ....

I feel like screaming ..........

Zig is curled up on the chair. Joan has gone to bed. She travels up to the North West tomorrow on one of her regular visits to see her Mother. This time Joyce is in hospital.

I have been busy with pleasure and working out - working home - just bits and pieces really!!

I still have this cough. Three weeks now! Joan is concerned - I never seem to bother. Unless I get hit and cannot move.

This week I found out that my recent tests found no traces of Helecobactor (spelling! - I am just guessing - like I do with most words!). That is good news I think. That gut rot disabling thing I had - I hope it has gone for good.

We have had Gunrandi and Oyvin in London town this week and we managed a fab fab fab great curry in Brick Lane, nine of us,loveitloveit .. ......
We also managed a day out together. Some Pipturesque here - click any pic to enlarge.

Some pressure off the prep department to enlarge the 'other Myers Briggs' work (which I don't like doing!). My flight into Belfast City and Training gig has been postponed even though I have had the flight booked for weeks. I will miss it but ........ maybe the flesh which surrounds the cough needs a rest!

I am full of feelings and reflections so ................ this space will be hit a few times in the coming days methinx.

If you are one of 149 humans who have emailed me - maybe I will have the manners to reply in the next three days .......... cough cough ........

But I think of you as I click.
I think that you are beautiful.
I think, and ask myself, if you feel you are beautiful.
Know you are beautiful?

Oyvin Songs Of Joy

Posted with LifeCast

Posted with LifeCast

......... and meeting up for a Curry in Brick Lane hmmmmmm