I am doing a TED style talk at
The Greenbelt Festival
in August.

What do you think would be good to do?
Ideas please?

It will be to a crowd but then broadcast through the year online.

If you click this way often
you know what I am passionate about
BUT
WHAT DO THESE BHPs NEED??

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and I don't do talks!!

Music
I love to connect with music
it inspires me
refreshes my soul .....

This one so beautiful
Gentle
Beat-full
lyrical
.... there is an empty space inside my heart...




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I admire this human
beautiful human
and
agree with is principles here


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I love these guys ...............

During this
one hour
this Mother
changed to three different
and distinct personalities;
one of a small child
dominated by her own feelings,
one of a self-righteous parent,
and
one of a reasoning,
logical,
grown-up woman
and
Mother of three children.



We all change
I have flavours/moods change
OFTEN
it is when I am either
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
or
Tired

Which one these four is in place
when you are most vulnerable?

Come on
If you can't be honest
in the quietness of your own head and heart
We will never develop
towards
wholeness



*




.

.

Broken hearted limping

"You will lose someone
you can’t live without,
and your heart
will be badly broken,
and the bad news is
that you never completely
get over the loss
of your beloved.
But
this is also the good news.
They live forever
in your broken heart
that doesn’t seal back up.
And you come through.
It’s like having a broken leg
that never heals perfectly
—that still hurts
when the weather gets cold,
but
you learn to dance
with the limp."


— Anne Lamott



•

But that was just the methods of a heartbroken mother All because of my cheating father

................ imagine.

Picture a child filled full of feelings unable to fathom
Being treated like a social leper and as invisible as a phantom
Let me start the years 1995 when my freedom was supposed to be written
But being invisible on the roads in my home my freedom weren’t given
So had nothing handed
Took nothing for granted
Took nothing from no man
At the age of ten I had to be my own man

So when freedom weren’t given I had to take it
Moms favourite vase because I starved for attention I had to brake it
But my life relating something like a playground
A load of round and rounds
A lot of messing around
Craving for the foundation to keep my feet firmly on the ground
And smiles seen as expensive luxuries so it’s cheaper to wear a frown

From curried chicken and homemade macaroni and cheese cooking in moms kitchen
Always being told not to be no one’s slave the times are over for cotton picking
A life without god so bibles weren’t anywhere to be found
Always getting the belt, shoe anything she could get her hand around
Just for play fighting with my siblings and one of us was loud

I got shouting instead of a kiss and a cuddle
I simply feared saying something wrong so I just stared and mumbled
But that was just the methods of a heartbroken mother
All because of my cheating father
We thought we were bad but
it was simply because being faithful
why couldn't he be bothered
So after him getting kicked out by mama
Instead of him getting all the consequences we got the drama

The saying goes what goes around comes around
so why did It seem like I always got the karma
Maybe she wanted to see me go mad but why me
Could it be I behaved just like my daddy

The life of a single mother bringing up three boys must have been cold
Lonely because none of the hopeless dads got involved
Just left her with three boys and expected her to cope all on her own
When I saw how strong mom was I had no reason to moan
She had a well paid job raised three guys on her own

But at the age of 14 I changed I yearned for articulation
Truly believing I was designed for sophistication
Suit to suit long winded conversation
Not to be used as a mere tool to get money from my dad
“moms way of manipulation”

The madness was surreal and often lead to frustration
Simple stuff like playing basketball felt like a vacation
It was only then when I felt some sort of relation
That’s why I’m undefeated and to beat someone effortless regulation
No matter what situation
This was my freedom this was my emancipation
Just like when America signed the independence proclamation

Benefits of being invisible no one sees you
so there’s no conversation because no one’s looking
My dad weren't one of my hero’s
But he was cooler than seven sub zeros
He showed me the art of cooking
But it was my mother when my grades slipped that gave me the ass whooping
But I knew It was her way of saying i was loved
wether from my mum, my Nana, or my grandpa joyfully watching from above

When it came to the age of seventeen there were girlfriends
My poor heart was never on the mend
How many times I thought it was meant to be
Thinking that I could once be L.O.V.E.D
Well at least be in L.O.V.E
But sooner turned like an unripe apple being taken to early off a tree
Just like my childhood which brought along more misery
Now tell me a person’s childhood is as happy as can be
And I’ll show you no matter sibling or in a relationship LOVE weren’t meant for me

But never the less
After being made homeless
And had suffered so much stress
I found the YMCA
Although my first perception of it was gay

But then realising they were helping to change these
Generation of babies
who ended up in there because of abuse,
drugs, or even because their parents were lazy

Always being told they love me loads
I’m so glad now I got involved
So now I can truly say behold
A once invisible child stands before you both brave and bold
They gave me the ball and showed me the goal
Slam dunk!

Thanks YMCA for taking me out of that alluded zone
For a love you have shown I would never have known
And within Christ I would never have grown
So tell the world YMCA makes adults out of lost children
Thanks YMCA,
Leon, Evan, Jim, all of you for listening and especially
Pip Wilson.



Thank you




Matthew

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"My father
always made me know
I was fat.
I could never make him love me.
I decided nobody
would love me
unless I was perfect.
I felt ugly,
as if I was falling
down a dark hole."

Jane Fonda
Guardian



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Remembering all Fathers today.
Who have loved.
Failed to Love.
Have been unable to Love.
And all those
who have never been a Father
but have stood tall
as an example to many.


Remembering all Fathers today.




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