Is life a tough time for you right now?

 

Fins tell me that they are not good at talking about feelings.

FINLAND

Eurovision Contest Winners land.
Heavy Metal !

Joy, one of my Sheilas, once came here when she was on a European Tour as wardrobe manager for a Heavy Metal band called 'KISS'. 

Remember them?

I am also in the land of beautiful humans ……

...... and that is the most exciting …

..... seeing these beautiful humans emerging with their personality and unique individual character. 

Only doing sessions with a wide range of humans - I haven't spent a day or a w/e with any group so I have only peeped under the bed-sheets of their souls. 

I just trust that the experiences I have facilitated will have taken everyone outside their comfort zones, think I believe that, and that they are glad they have been there.
In a safe environment, as part of a group, it is easier to do that rather in real life.
But who said life is about 'the easier'?

I also trust that each person will have recognised they have been in a place of 'self revelation'.
And a place called 'feelings'.
AND I trust that each will have tapped a deep well within them where much beautifulness and churning is going on - and that they wish to continue along the Road Less Travelled into their interior self.

Fins tell me that they are not good at talking about feelings.
I have seen and felt and delighted in so many during the four days here.
I consider that each one has a journey to undertake towards being able to feel their feelings and name each one.
Knowing that that ugly feeling inside is 'anger', for instance, is a big step forward towards working that through and turning all that raw emotion into positive energy.
Knowing that that deep joy with is feeling 'I have achieved', another example, can trigger all sorts of purposeful living in that direction.

If we struggle with these 'signals' called feelings - it is difficult to go on and use the Tools in our 'Life Toolbox' which will help the fix.

I will reflect more ............ I need to because this whole experience has fed my soul ............ hope I am not the only one!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuula was great and kind guide

and gave extra to take me out in Helsinki for a few hours - 

even though she was in recovery from a bad cold.
I ended with a dinner together and it was traditional Finnish. 

I had Reindeer for the first time and finished with a Finnish pancake - so great.
We also had a deep discussion which 

triggered deep feelings with in me .......... one question she asked me ......

......" was you scared? .............

I will write about that soon - need to - must do .......

An experience shared with you

How about sharing one of yours

with me???????????????????

I had a big one today

I appreciated the trust - it was so confidential ......

"Sina ou_let kow_nis perzona"

BHP

HELP

Developmental Group work with humans in special need.

 

Developmental Group Work.

A group gathered around a pile of sandwiches.

All young adults. 

All special. 

All beautiful humans.

I am in a supportive housing project in the UK Midlands.

Developmental Group Work is on the agenda.

I want to walk you through my experience from from this session.

I want to share the objectives, process and methodology.

NOT to be directive or offering best practice.

I have no answers, only offering where I am at, at the moment.

I am just journaling and reflecting on my fumbling, stumbling

attempts to facilitate experiences in personal development.

The context first of all.

I moved the lounge type chairs into a circle.

Central is a coffee table laden with sandwiches and soft drinks.

It was lunchtime and young people are always up for free food.

Music is playing pretty loud.

A selected mix of beats, never well know 'sing along' tracks.

Music is always a contributor to the climate setting.

It always needs to be appropriate for those attending,not myself -

but I love hip hop and contemporary beats which helps in connecting.

The Humans.

The group had been selected and invited by a staff worker.

All deemed to have special needs at the moment.

All between 18 and 23.

I move around talking to everyone as they arrive.

We swop names and chatty questions.

There are two attending alone. 

Others are in two's and noisier as is normal.

We are eight in number, including a staff member and myself.

Size is just right. Between 5 and 8 is ideal.

A few others who were invited didn't show up.

If the group is larger, the sharing becomes laborious + social loafing.

Kick off.

I start to chat and introduce myself.

No laptop or projected images in this context.

I share a couple of minutes of my life and mission

including some of my vulnerabilities at the start.

A Blob image is waved in front of them

and I skip though what I plan to do = get them talking!

I hand out an A5 copy of Blob Homes speaking directly

to each person as I move around the circle giving each a copy.

BLOB HOMES*. A question to introduce this development tool.

'Which one of these homes is symbolic of your own childhood home?'

I focus on the Igloo and say we probably haven't lived in one

but it could be a symbol of a cold atmosphere in your home.

I share about myself to model openness and authenticity.

My memories are spilled as I point to an image

and tell of a four sons in a small terraced house in Lancashire.

Crowded with Mother and Father but warm memories,

even with the boys regularly fighting amongst ourselves.

I will let you guess which 'Home' I pointed to.

I processed around the circle, gently easing each person

into expressing themselves.

Asking questions of clarification, acknowledging every expression.

EVERYONE present had come from a broken home.

EVERYONE talked about personal security turning into turmoil.

EVERYONE talking about childhood fears and/or violence.

One person was the alone person on the castle wall.

Another the person with the back-pack, always moving and insecure.

Another the question marked.

Another whose home had burned down - arson.

One disclosure encouraged another.

There was openness and silent listening.

Each of us with unique memories.

Blob Classroom.*

'Which Blob describes you when you were in school?'

I start again and point out the joker and the disruptive.

Saying that I now believed that I messed about because

I always felt 'thick' and a failure. 

My behaviour was just a cover to hide my vulnerability.

I moved around the circle in a new direction.

I asked the above question to each person.

As you may imagine, time in school was mainly difficult

A number spoke about being good at one subject

but then how other teachers gave them a rough time.

By now the group was more relaxed.

They were becoming more at ease at self revelation.

I thanked them repeatedly for having the guts to be honest.

I explained how we wrap our issues and problems up into  parcels.

Each one selotaped and pushed down into our gut.

Another wound, another parcel.

Another broken relationship, another parcel deposited.

Not buried dead.

But buried alive.

I shared how we then spend valuable emotional energy

keeping them all hidden, and how I believe in Counselling

which can facilitate us taking out each one and dealing with it.

How I believe that by doing what we were doing

is good for our well being and development.

Blob Cliff.*

I passed around the last Blob tool and asked a question.

'Which of the Blobs best describes you when, sometime in your life,

you were near the cliff edge or went over the edge?'

This time I asked for a volunteer to go first.

A flow of volunteers followed,

each talking freely  about an extremely tough time.

The Blob tool was just an aid to articulation, reflection, not cracking up

but cracking open.

A children's home experience.

A failure of all adults to be consistent.

The pain of desertion, rejection.

Abuse.

Violence.

Everyone spoke.

Everyone listened.

There was a powerful climate of mutual support.

Empathy.

Deepness.

Calm.

'I am not alone ...................'

QUOTATION:: "We become fully conscious only 

of what are able to express to someone else.

We may already have had a certain inner intuition about it, 

but it must remain vague so long as it is unformulated"

Paul Tournier

from  "The Meaning of Persons

I had injected little comments in-between each person.

Encouraging, acknowledging, affirming.

Sharing myself.

It was clear that we were approaching a natural end.

Again I thanked them - and said I had just one more thing to ask.

'I want to ask you one more question - if you will,

will you ask me a question?'

The response was wondrous.

Powerful, sensitive, probing questions.

One was about what makes me accept everyone without judgement.

This one was from a young man who earlier had said how

he had lost all faith in humans

and was therefore modelling his life on a celebrity.

Using the language of this rap artiste.

His drugs and drinking.

His clothing too .......

Conclusion and transposition.

I have shared a little of this session.

It is impossible to describe an experience - as you know.

But now I ask you to consider reflecting on these few words.

What stands out amongst the rest?

What can you transpose from the above into your work/life?

Note it. Summarise it. 

Maybe try out these Blob tools with humans around you?

And remember, there are over 100’s different such Blob tools - 

maybe there is one you can use in your work or -

maybe you can suggest an idea to me yourself?

www.blobtree.com.

www.pipwilson.com

 *SEE blob tree.com for all Blob Downloads

NUMBING emotions

The study of touch & emotion.

The word "contagion" comes from the Latin for "with" and "touch", so it is no wonder social touch is demonised in a pandemic. But at what cost? The neuroscientists Francis McGlone and Merle Fairhurst study nerve fibres called C-tactile afferents, which are conceiitrated in hard-to-reach places such as the back and shoulders. They wire social touch into a complex reward system, so that when we are stroked, touched, hugged or patted, oxytocin is released, lowering the heart rate and inhibiting the production ofcortisone. "Very subtle requirements/' says McGlone, "to keep you on an even plane/'

To this man I give my greatest RESPECT

I reflect on my journey. Sometimes slow. Some shocking.

A historian of emotions.

I remember near Christmas ............ sitting with a group of three after our evening meal in the YMCA.

 

On the 3rd of December I posted the photo above on my www.pipwilson.com blog.

Then I shared how I was working in a London Hostel with teens and twenties. A late night gathering of BHP's who have lived lives NOT like ours. ( maybe your life has been experienced similar to them?)

I quoted my starting activity below::

I started by giving each member of the group a little Christmas tree the size if a 5 pence coin, See PHOTO above, sprinkled on my desk.

Then I asked what feelings they had - 
seeing these - feeling this. 
As usual, many have difficulty to contact how they feel. 
Out-spilled words like 
'I hate Christmas', 
'I don't like Christmas', 
'I have no money to buy, not even, one present.'

I have worked/led 5 different residential communities in my life -  with youngsters who lived with their seasonal reflection                             "I hate Christmas".

On top of this I have spent years travelling to different towns and cities conducting group work with young torn-apart lives. Some rejected - all of the dejected.

I remember near Christmas ............ sitting with a group of three after our evening meal in the YMCA. I asked them a question - a BECOMING question. = If I gave you £10 to spend - what would you do with it?

Heads dropped. Thinking time ...... then the first to speak said "I would buy a Christmas present for my Nan"    The second one spoke after a long pause:: "I would go out and buy some boots or trainers because the only ones I have are full of holes and my feet get totally sodden in the cold wet weather" .................................. The Third guy paused somewhat longer ( I filled up with tears as I type these words for you - as I remember ) ....................................Then he spoke, head bowed, no eye contact    "I wouldn't take the money. I have never so much money and I don't know what I could do with it"

!!!!!!!!!!

*Everyone we meet is fighting a battle we know nothing about*  Whatever their behaviour - trust that they are doing their best - it costs nothing if we are wrong but benefits count massively if we are right ........... this act is called 'Love'.

Yesterday I posted that you/me -  everyone  having a 'UPSTREAM' ............ often never revealed to ANYONE.

EVERYONE HAS AN UPSTREAM

YET the experiences live on in the memory (in our gut) of the beautiful human - in pain especially at Christmas ..........

BLOB UPSTREAM can be downloaded from:: 

BlobTree.com

BHP