Thursday, December 03, 2015
Time, Sweat, Tears: Ways to Channel Your Anger
These are good words
Not my words
but the sort of emotional management stuff
which feeds my soul.
Anger. We've all felt it: that burning fire inside.
That feeling that makes the idea of getting through the day seemingly impossible.
That need to kick, scream and lash out.
We often write off anger as a fixed negative emotion.
Ideally, we don't want to be angry or feel anything close to hatred in our hearts.
However when channeled properly,
Anger can teach us a lot about what we want and need in life.
Anger can be a huge clue in directing us toward new discoveries and healthier paths.
Think about it; someone hurt your feelings or betrayed your trust; you're angry, furious even.
You want to scream at them.
But you don't.
You reflect on why you're feeling the way you're feeling.
You ask yourself how this anger started, what made you react so passionately and what will make you feel better.
You take some time and you talk to that person.
You discuss why you were upset; maybe your relationship grows and gets stronger from that confrontation.
Maybe it doesn't and you realize that this isn't the type of person you need in your life right now.
Whatever it may be, anger, when acknowledged and directed, can be a gateway toward self-discovery.
When it rears its ugly head, anger can feel erratic and uncontrollable,
but in reality it is simply a step toward forgiveness,
understanding, decision-making and even clarity.
How can we lighten the emotional weight of anger and re-route it into strength?
Here are a few tips to move that anger into a lighter,
more positive and productive mental space:
Time
"Time is a healer." When people say this, they aren't lying!
Taking time to reflect may seem like the last thing you want to do when you're angry but it's crucial.
Time gives us the opportunity to contemplate why we are heated.
The next time you're mad about something (or at someone) go to a quiet space,
close the door and let yourself think about where this anger is coming from.
People often react to anger in two ways: inward or outward.
Some people close themselves off to the world when they are angry;
letting their anger ruminate and grow until, at the most inopportune moment,
they explode.
Others take that anger and lash out.
They share it with the world and possibly hurt others in the process.
Both of these immediate reactions to anger can be dangerous.
A simple first step is to be quiet and breath,
allowing yourself the mental space to see options for reactions.
Time is the only way to prevent reacting to your anger in a dangerous or hurtful way.
I'm sure it feels impossible to say to yourself,
"Okay, breathe,
take time and think about why you're upset,”
in the heat of the moment,
but I promise a little bit of self-control and self-reflection can go a long way.
Sweat
Anger is an incredible fitness motivator.
How many times have you wanted to punch, throw or kick when you were angry about something?
If you're someone who tends to turn your anger inward,
working out can be a great tactic to sweat out the anxiety, frustration and sadness that comes from being angry.
Try to beat your fastest mile, kick butt in your spin class and put that punching bag to use.
Sweating can also help with reflection.
Make an effort to enjoy feeling sexy and fun in Zumba class,
or appreciate how strong you are when you hold that plank for a full minute.
Celebrate your physical goals and successes and let them inform how you deal with your anger.
By focusing on your physical and mental strengths,
you will guide your anger toward a more positive emotional state.
Tears
Often times Anger acts as a mask for other emotions.
When you take the time to reflect on why you're angry you other feelings may surface.
One of the most common is sadness.
Anger is often rooted in a place of desolation or insecurity.
How many times have you seen a friend lash out as a method of self-defense?
How many times have you done that yourself?
Sometimes, it's easier to get mad about something than to feel vulnerable.
The next time you're angry ask yourself if it could be a result of a larger problem or worry in your life?
Did you lash out at a loved one because of something they said or
because you just can't get a break this week?
Did someone say something that hit you hard because it was cruel or truthful?
Don't be afraid to dig into your anger and never be afraid to get emotional.
Physicalise your emotions and let yourself cry if you need to.
Tears represent our bodies' way of cleansing and it can be liberating
to spend some time acknowledging where you are in the moment.
Grab that tissue, turn on that sad tune, watch "that" movie -- let it out.
Anger doesn't have to be a debilitating or negative emotion.
If reflected upon and appreciated,
anger can in fact lead you toward inner peace.
by Rupa Mehta
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Wednesday, December 02, 2015
Group-Work a place of BECOMING
"We become fully conscious only
of what are able to express to someone else.
We may already have had a certain inner intuition about it,
but it must remain vague so long as it is unformulated"
Paul Tournier from "The Meaning of Persons
This is my favourite group work quote.
So So powerful for me.
Interactions are vital for growth.
‘We find comfort with people who agree with us
We find growth with people who don’t.’
I love that quote too.
It all seems sense to me
and feeds my group work.
We learn in
discussion
sharing
listening
questioning
asking questions
disclosing ourselves
encouraging others to do so.
Especially in groups.
And I don’t mean chatter.
I am talking L5 here.
A group-work session is an experience.
We learn from experiences
especially when we reflect in a group.
Reflective practice.
A purposeful exercise.
We can change.
We must change.
We must not be just a ‘being’
We must also be BECOMING.
INSIDE OUT.
Allowing
encouraging
our experiences to rise within us.
We learn from what is stirred within.
We learn from spiritual and emotional reactions.
I have often mentioned on these pages
that I have belonged to a Level Five group
for going on 36 years.
We can share like we have never been apart.
electric
magnetic.
If you don’t belong to a group who self disclose strategically -
start one.
A Becoming Group.
A L5 group.
a Inside-Out group
Pip Wilson December 2015
Tuesday, December 01, 2015
The 18-year-old care worker: 'I've never felt so worthwhile'
An 18-year-old care worker. Not exactly my expectation, but for now, the reality. The routine of a six-hour school day gone after 14 years.
My schedule now? I assist an older lady with her morning shower. I make a widow her breakfast. I dress a gentleman. I hoist an immobile woman from her bed. I give medication, I escort people to hospital appointments, I provide companionship, I care.
After unsuccessfully applying to study medicine last year, I wanted a job involving people that would immerse me in the health and social care world without requiring a degree. I searched for roles as healthcare assistant, volunteer, anything that didn’t involve only a desk and a computer. I uploaded my fresh CV to some sites. Then homecare company Bluebird Care contacted me.
Training was completed in three days. A week later I had my tunic, fleece, gloves and aprons ready in a plastic bag (I like to think of them collectively as my super suit). My alarm set for 6am, I slept, nervously anticipating my first day.
I need to be patient, tolerant, completely calm and understanding at all times. I stand there with 18 years of a life lived, but in front of me is a whole life lived, an abundance of stories and memories, still being lived – and my responsibility. Service users surely have prejudged my abilities given my age. Many clients ask how old I am when I walk in: a pale, rosy-cheeked girl with impractically long red hair. I reply boldly, “18”. Their eyes widen, showing worry and surprise – understandably so. I like to prove their assumptions wrong from this exact point. This is the time to eradicate any negative judgement and disapproval by kicking arse at the job I am proud to be doing. So far, no complaints have been filed.
The uniform has quite an impact on how I am perceived in public. As a teenager, I am used to averted eyes, judgmental sighs and prejudice. When in uniform, people make way, glance a smile, look comforted, thinking if they dropped down right then on the pavement I’d be able to save their lives.
I’ve never truly appreciated the benefits of a good night’s sleep before now. The job requires unrelenting energy, complete attention, and is physically and mentally demanding too. I’m caring for lives, so I need to be at my best. The added pressures of teenagedom don’t make the naps any less frequent: friends, family, hormones, boyfriends, broken hearts, nights out, hangovers, university applications. I’m exhausted, rushing through this year of my life, an age many of my service users refer to as “the good times”.
The truth is though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Despite the demands and fatigue, I love the job. The people I meet make it all worthwhile, the stories I collect. I come home every day, knowing I’ve made a positive difference to at least one person’s life. There are moments that make me laugh until my sides split, and others when I can’t help but cry. My eyes have been opened to the stark reality of what many people’s lives come to. I have matured, by demand, and taken on responsibilities many people I know would not, and could not, cope with. I never imagined how this job would affect my life. My perspective has changed on everything, my behaviour too. My priorities, values and morals have all been rearranged. I’m trying to appreciate this time of my life, after being advised multiple times by my clients “don’t grow old”.
So yes, at 18, I am a full-time care worker. The school holidays are long gone, emotions are erratic, partying in town is rare, but I’ve never felt so worthwhile in all my years.
*
I weep here at Wilson Mansions in praise and recognition of this young human.
JOBS HERE FOLKS - please consider passing them on to people in need - Thanks.
We are looking for a highly skilled lead youth & young adults worker who will be able to lead the face to face work on Patmore Estate, SW8 London. You will be based in this community to deliver one to one and small group interventions.
Closing date: Monday 7th December 2015
We are looking for an aspiring leader who is keen to make their mark and grow professionally, helping lead an exciting organisation forward and impacting thousands of young people. The role will include grant, corporate and relational fundraising and good knowledge of the sector. We are seeking someone of exceptional character who will be ambitious for our cause. Working with the SLT to generate the much needed income and longer term strategy for the charity to fulfil its vision and grow its impact.
Closing date: Tuesday 8th December 2015
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What did I do with my emotions before I discovered them?
I have been thinking this ………
What did I do with my emotions
before I discovered them?
Before I started to
*Value them
*Manage them
They came out in
*Temper
*Aggression
*Irritation
*Annoyed
*Physical behaviour
*Moods
*Sulking
- they came out in behaviour
either internal or external.
If I repress my feelings
BURY THEM
they are not buried ‘dead'
They are
BURIED ALIVE !
Now I try to draw them out -
out of the depths of my being.
Yesterday my feelings day book said::
*Glum
*Sullen
I don’t know why?
Can’t put my finger on why.
So I write these words on a train ……
Also I am thinking
I must conclude my little book called::
5 A-DAY-FOR EMOTIONAL HEALTH.
I need to put my
own oxygen mask on first
before I can help another -
before I can understand another BHPs’
behaviours and the feelings driving them.
FEELING does not mean
that I do what my feelings/signals tell me.
I don’t surrender to them.
They are information I need
to live
to communicate
to relate
to grow …….
FEELINGS - I welcome them
welcome them all.
Even the GLUM ones
The SULLEN ones
because they help me to understand myself.
I want to integrate them into my WHOLE being.
Integrate them into my BODY MIND & SPIRIT.
If we are not in-touch with our feelings
and managing them
(I don’t use the word ‘control’
as, to me, it smacks of repression).
If I do’t manage them
they will manage me !
A question for you.
To think about or feedback to me?
How much does our emotional life
impact on our
relational
social
physical
health?
Pip Wilson December 2015
Self Determination.
Whatever our self determination strength may be,
those closest to us can and will
have an impact on our
behaviours, thoughts, and feelings.
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Experiential Learning.
Our values beliefs come from our past experiences and
our reflections we practice from these life experiences.
That is why my Training and Facilitation is EXPERIENTIAL.
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