Thursday, May 31, 2007
..... feeling a bit drained today ...... sometimes it is emotional - this time it isphysical.
I wonder how you are?
I have this journey before me ...... and I have made a committment to tell you who I am when I click these blogs.
My favourite book is::
'Why am I afraid to tell you who I am'
....I want to tell you who I am .........I want to take my clothes of
- off my soul ....................I want to try to avoid masks .......
.......take tham off if I can
..........become aware of any one lurking in my inner damaged sheltering human self.
I am beautiful
and I want to become beautiful
.......and I wonder how you are?
Are you afraid to tell me who you are?
Unless we tell one other human ....
....................it stays locked in the soul ...............
Interesting to see the Southbank Centre celebrates the re-opening of Royal Festival Hall with
48 hours of FREE music and performance -
The Overture - a unique event which welcomes back the Royal Festival Hall after two years of restoration and redevelopment.
It starts at dusk on Friday 8 June and continues until dusk on Sunday 10 June.
Stink - my sort of gig but I am going to the sun for a week and trying to get the jar of marbles in my head SORTED once and for all ..... will never happen ...... it is a journey of yearning to become ....
..... to become ........ to work at the human who I will spend the rest of my life with .. .. .. .............
what a journey .........
.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Hey
BHP here.
Wilson Mansions .......... and I am home now ......... feel bad because I have not responded to emails and texts and er - I don't get post nowadays.
I feel allsorts of things. Do you?
What is the big thing on your emotional agenda?
Me? ................................
I think I feel ok about being with humans ...... about the prospect of new and challenging work ......... and going on holiday in less than two weeks ......... and lots to do before that.
I suppose I don't have a massive agenda at the moment. Sometimes I feel like I have stax in the washing machine of my mind ........... but I am ok thanx.
Just watching Big Brother on TV .... makes a change from the take-over by football which I don't watch. I like to watch BB and see all the superficial image thrown up by all the contestants ........ and the rapid change as they cannot keep up that false-as-hell-of-a-armour-plating. Masks cannot be kept in place and they are not worth even a try. I like seeing the real humans emerge. I like seeing the group move through
forming
storming
norming
performing.
The most superficial part is someone called Davina McColl ............ the presenter. All front and tabloid. All sad with superficiality ........ and - all of the above - all beautiful humans but the behaviour quite sad.
I will download some of the programmes and use them in training. All about the journey of trying understand how humans tick.
Never ending journey.
I don't believe I will ever get there ........
.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
.......... up at 4.45 am ......... back home 8.30 p.m. ............ had a great day other than seeing the M1 M25 and M6 covered in car crashes. Massive delay for me and much worse trauma for those beautiful humans involved ........
Northwich in the County of Cheshire was the destination. Not worked in Cheshire since my twenties. Those years with troubled young humans ....... this time with beautiful humans working with troubled beautiful humans ............. with such warmth.
Led a training day and loved it. (Is this ok - that I enjoy these encounters too?)
I find that I just facilitate - and out pours wisdom from amongst so many. We all learn from each other. Get the climate right - get the model right - and we rocked.
More pix forthcoming ..... when I recover ..........
youarebeautifullll
.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
....Cointreau-versial........
.... I am not buying or sipping Countreau any more ...... and have not done so since I was bought a bottle earlier this month ........ the reason ........ at Tescos Supermarket it has gone up fro 13 pounds to 17.5 pounds .......... so I am on strike.
..... and deprived!!
Maybe on holiday, in two weeks time, I will find a cheap bottle in Greece.
(ps - I have a mac book pro bought in the USA and there is no pound key!
only a $
Anyone got any ideas?)
.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
..... had an evening of
Lostness
yesterday .............
Don't often feel like that.
Think, never sure, that it was to do with a week-end off coming up.
Here in the UK it is a Bank Holiday w/e.
That means there is an extra day - Monday.
Add that to it butting up to a half term holiday week - there is a holiday mood around.
I was feeling like ................ like I am when I first go away on holiday and I don't know how to do it.
I was indoors.
In early - for me. Meal eaten.
Nothing on TV as usual - and no football either for Joan.
Gardening on TV - real depressing ....... would rather watch programmes about concrete than Gardening!
I was tired too - from the day and the week. Maybe I need a break?
No adrenaline as I have no gigs until Tuesday morning ....... and then I leave at 5 am to travel to a gig in Northwich in Cheshire.
Had to go to Joys yesterday ....... delivering furniture and pots and plants ............... all the way from Wilson Mansions to WhitstableMansions where Joy is creating, from a little wee terraced house ........... a beautiful art-house!
I need to re-assess my life.
Do you do that?
I seem to have a go at it really quite often.
Always on holiday.
And I know I need to read some - intake.
My eyes are not good at that now-a-days ......... unless there is really good bright light.
Well I am back to more like normal and Joan and me spent most of the day scrubbing down the walls in our kitchen.
Getting rid of the grease and high level grime ....... I suppose it is spring cleaning.
My head needs one of them too ............
...... and I was thinking .........
........ Becoming is greater than being ...............
Have a becoming week-end ................ I will .............
bhp
Thursday, May 24, 2007
...... ..... beautifully human
that is what you are
I mean that
you are NOT your behaviour
your feelings
your incompleteness
your aching
your fallshortofwhatyouwanttobeness
you are beautiful at the core
your soul
your centre
you are loved
you valuable
you may not feel that
sometimes
anytime
all the time
and thinking
maybe
maybe you don't think you are
beautiful
you are
beautiful
and God loves what you are
loves who you are
- unique
loves your beauty
looking deeper than the feelings
the flesh
the damage
the scars
that love is like
arms around you
hugging
strong
almost hurting
so tight
the arms around
and always
when you glance
his eyes are always
looking your way
and they smile
and
almost
a
tear
beautifully human
that is what you are
you make
life
worth living
beautifully human
is also
the album
by
jill scott
called 'beautifully human' -
listening
just now
it has drawn me to tell you ............
........................ go to to top and let it soak again
into that beautiful human person that you are ............
.
... this photgraph of my eye ..... well the one you cannot see ........
.... it is an old pic ...... and I have posted it because this week the Eye Surgeon has discharged me and I am doing well.
Still cannot read small print well. Need to get some (exray) spex me-thinx.
.......and ........ and here are-some beautiful humans-in-my-life ......... hmmmm
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
.... it is hot here in the south of UK.
Two hot days today and yesterday. Summer heat. The travel by tube and train was terrible. Sapping energy out of a tired mind and body.
So glad to get home.
Many reflections. Being with beautiful humans stimulates and switches on the washing machine in my mind.
The wonderful thing about group work is the progress which can be made over a period. One week there is an uncooperative human ..... silence is the basic behaviour. Sometimes it is more proactive. Sometimes abuse. I expect this. Sometimes it is just the sense of insecurity and this is a defence.
A delight is when - later ............ maybe a few weeks on - and the same human suddenly reveals a real and powerful part of the hurt inside. It gushes out. Maybe prepared. Having heard others ........... others who have opened up and shared their vulnerability ............ it is beautiful because, as much as it hurts, it is at last a facing up to reality. It is real. Articulating it ........ is owning it ......... and it is such a relief.
They are on a cliff edge. They are taking risks.
I need to do that too.
I will show you mine if you show me yours.
Always there is a risk taken to create an experience not just a heady discussion.
I am after, with them, levels of communication that you will know about if you read my blog often.
I am after human development - NOT only fun and opinions.
This risk stretches me – too.
This risk troubles me.
This risk hurts when I fail to do what I aimed for.
This risk hurts sometimes.
This risk is sometimes failure.
This risk is fantastic and at it’s deepest and exciting .......... and better than that so often.
I never fail to be impressed at how humans can respond to challenge.
Reality known - confessed - is a great place to start on a new journey ..........
Hope you have a group where you can belong ................. a safe place where you can consider reality and ............. come out .....
if you do or if you don't
youarebeautiful
.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Pipturesque ........ here is Joy working ..... she is the one on the right making sure the model is looking good ..... and I delight because she is back today and hope to see her this week sometime ......
and a special treat - Ann is coming on a home visit today - first time for ages ....... and the first thing she will do is grab Zig and cuddle him ............ I stand in line!!
.... and here, the next pic, is my friend Oyvin from Norway and ............. sad to say he is there and I am here ...... stink ...... it has been a long time since we had a curry in Brick Lane.
Come again soon
and we can invite the
Platform 18 crowd
and ......
...... loveitloveit .....
.... I know so many humans who feel they are 'put down' by their parents.
How to be an adult with your adult parents?
That is a question.
Try a different way of communication.
Talk Level Five.
Start sentences with "I ............ "
Affirm them and tell them how much you appreciate their qualities.
Don't mention the negatives.
Touch.
Ask questions about many things.
About when they were your age.
About when they were young.
About their relationships.
Hurts.
Upsets
Hang out together.
Time.
Touch .................
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