Friday, February 29, 2008

6 am
A walk
a train
a train - underground
a train - a London Docklands one
an Airport - London City
a plane
a plane
a bus
a ferry over a fjord
Oyvin - in safe hands for four days.

In 1992 I was in a Castle in Hungary.
I always remember the Castle
in a village called Tisadob
the telephone number was '5'

There was a team of twenty or more international trainers.
I remember Mr Yip from Kuala Lumpur
MR Yip and Mr Pip became good friends.

The iron curtain around a big chunk of Europe had been broken down
We had a hundred leaders and young humans from every former Communist country
It was electric
It was mind swamping
It was translators heaven
Some could not speak more than one language
a lot of humans
such as me.

Amongst the trainers, all sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags
Talented humans
beautiful humans.

During the day
when all the activities and training took place
I noticed one trainer who was often getting alongside the isolates
I noticed the lonely one being helped to inter grate
I noticed the ones who displayed a face uncomfortable -
they were given attention
I noticed Oyvin - he was the one out on the fringes
as well as playing a mean guitar on stage!

Since then we have been the best of friends
He has invited me to Norway many times
working alongside him in his work
and in Prague
and in many European countries.
U2 Concerts
Brick Lane
and some great conversations
all flavour full of -
'Level Five'
The spice of life ....................... and here I am again, at his College, lovinit.


Thursday, February 28, 2008

I am on a Train.
I am not nervous
I am focused
I am not stressed
I am not pressured
I am calm
I am on a Train.

I am on the edge
I am in the centre
I am prepared
I am on a Train.

I have done all I can
I am flexible
I am free
I am on a Train.

I am going to a gig
I will play my part
I expect the spectacular
Humans becoming
Taking risks for development
Humans stretched
Humans blessed
I am on a Train.

I don't expect all to go as planned
I expect to busk it at times

I am on a Train. L2
I am feeling beautiful (imperfection) L4
These humans are stars L3
Oscar deserving stars L3
I feel vulnerable L4
.... but I believe that the most valuable human gifts are rooted in vulnerability L5

I am on a train ..................

This was hand written on the train
It is over
12+ hour day and beautifully satisfying
A couple of Pipturesque here - more reflections to follow but
I need to pack for a joy to work in Norway tomorrow am
love it love it

Remember at the weekend just gone?
I was not relaxed
I was in a place called uncomfortable
After that I was cool and even in the travel
and the midst of the day
totally committed.
I do that
I have the tension in the prep.

But I return to 44 new e Mails and 150 before that
that is when I get the pressure
I love the focus
the work with humans
it is the other stuff ............

How do you like the photos
fab fab fab


Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Hey - I am in Chesterfield tomorrow.

It is a challenging gig.
I have been working with a group of young beautiful humans and key staff.
All to bring together a large gathering where they will lead.
The will share, speak and lead groups of adults who are many years older than they are.
The will be stepping into a place called uncomfortable.
The will be residing in a place called vulnerability.
They will be sharing about their own experience of being homeless.

Still got Larry Norman ringing in my ears - see the blog below.

Friday I go to Norway for four days.
Always love it.
Love the Norgehumans a lot.

Will be spending time with a range of students at a college called 'Folk high School' - I think it is a bit like 'Fame'.
We will be doing music and fun things.
And I will be able to blog because they have wireless - I know.

You are beautiful
Feeling so - or not
you are beautiful .................


Only visiting this Planet

Larry Norman died on 24th February 2008.
Received a text from Sheila yesterday.
I wonder if the Sheilas remember him?

When we lived and worked in a club fpr leather jacketed Hells Angel types of humans - back in the days when I was 28ish I fell in love with Larry.
His music was so fresh. Music which related to my faith at that time - was non existent. It was all slushy folk music - and then this man brought some great lyrics and a real rock sound to my ears-soul-life ........... and we went to see him on tour in Liverpool our nearest city.

So there I was in a pokey little flat above the Club. Joan Joy (and Ann just born there) I played this LP (now called albums!!) plastic disc non-stop.

There is a good review of his life in the Guardian today and we will see others pop up in forthcoming weeks as the monthlies catch up.

I remember when I was at St Helens YMCA where I used to run big concerts in the sports hall all the time - adverts in NME and Melody Maker (remember that newspaper?)
I remember, in my old gig promoting era, putting on a concert with Larry Norman in St Helens at the Theatre Royal (big local gig venue - I thought in them days) and he did a storming concert. Ever so powerful - but at the end, the angry stage manager dropped the fire curtain on him because he just would not leave the stage.

He played Greenbelt a number of times. Some of his antics and comments were strange - but his music gripped.
The last time he was on the Rolling Magazine Show and The Very Stinking Late Show hosted by Martin and me - I remember almost pushing him off stage as he went into some strange long rambling sermon. He was great with his music but seemed, in his latter years, to just overkill the words.

I will do some scratching around for some of his stuff and give it a re listen.

God bless you Larry Norman.
Beautiful Imperfection like us all - only different.
Only Visiting this Planet.


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I cannot give justice to the day.
I was with a group in a Training context.
I am blessed.

The objective was all about the awareness and skills needed to work developmentally with young humans who have the real potential to commit acts of violence on other humans - including staff.
It was all about understanding our own feelings, behaviour and thoughts and being able to understand those in the beautiful young human who is ready to explode.

Only when we can clock our own behaviour, feelings and thoughts can we start to understand another. Getting into a new developmental place is not something that can be done quickly - I is not like learning a mathematical puzzle. Having an answer is not the aim - it is stepping forward, and continuing to step on.

I saw eyes which were being peeled and begin to see.
I saw humans beginning to say "I felt like a child" - and that is a grown human speaking.
Another saying that they had spoken down to a young human and saw the body frame before them shudder and curl up.
Another who was becoming a different human than the one who had been brought up in the same skin.
A new interior was adopted before my eyes.
"I have decided to live differently".
"I have come to a crossroads and I am taking a different approach, a new way of communicating".

We were moving through development to
'consciously incompetent' - and then the next step .......

These are humans who face aggression and conflict - frontier workers.
I said I could not explain - didn't I?

It was a group experience of everyone listening to one another.
It was deep and sensitive.
It was reaching out and touching heaven.
I said I would have difficulty - maybe I will try again tomorrow.

unconsciously incompetent
consciously incompetent
consciously competent
unconsciously competent

Monday, February 25, 2008

beautiful human

thanx for clicking this way
hope you can hear the music above?
Clicking the big button on the piPhone
means you can see a selection of music to listen to or view the video.

Had a busy day today.
I cannot always tell you about the details.

Bu I went to the Doc with my agenda of three.
I had him smiling at one time
I have never seen his teeth in 20 years of Doctoring.

Blood Pressure
Even though I was agitated and running around - it was ok/good. He want me to have a routine cholesterol check. So it will be starving Wilson sometime next week, not free this week, and then I will let the Dracula Nurses to get at my arm.

Splitting Nails
Rotting Nails.
He tells me nothing can be done.
No diagnosis!
So I will try the supplementary medicine humans and see ....

Gut pain disabling issue.
Just take a tablet when you get it
he said.

No diagnosis
No treatment!

So I will move on.

Have you ever been with a baby and had to try to get something dangerous or un-tasty out of those little gripping fingers?
Did you try to swing something more colourful and attractive as a distraction?
It worked?
Suddenly one had is forgotten and the babe lunges for the new!

Do we use distraction techniques on ourselves?

If we don't thirst after the new and different
we can become
'knowers' instead of 'learners'.

I listen to NEW music
always must have the new.
I read
I read to take in
Not what is on TV
Tabloid TV
(sometimes but not all the time)
I choose stuff which stimulates mt interior journey.
I want to be well travelled -
in that direction.

I want to journey into spirituality
Into self discovery
Understanding beautiful humans.

A Caterpillar
looks nothing like
a butterfly

One develops from the other.

‘In times of change
the learners
will inherit the earth,
while the knowers
will find themselves
beautifully equipped
to deal with a world
that no longer exists’
Eric Hoffer


The Blob Tree

The Blob Tree





Sunday, February 24, 2008

Why am I afraid to tell you who I am
because, if I tell you who I am,
and you don't like
who I am
that is all I have.

My favourite book of all time - that's the title.
So - so - so I have a commitment to telling you who I am and being as open as possible.
How about that - do you do that?
With anyone?
With yourself even?

I am feeling pretty good.
A bit restless
I have had a w/e off
relaxing - doing the social thing
and I feel restless ..................

I am so restless
I am watching a good TV action movie with Joan
and I am typing this in the adverts.
Dashing from the lounge to my office = click!

I have lots to do and I am relaxing
not working
because I don't feel like it
but restless.

That is me at the moment.

Had a fab meal out with friends last night
will post some pix if I remember at the end of the movie.
It all was fab other than Joan twisting her ankle
not her ex broken leg I am glad to say.

and .............
The had a fab meal out today with Sheila
and Willie friend rock and roll one
Joan - beloved one.
We went to Rules the oldest Restaurant in London
only about 200 years old!
Must take Dana there.
Keeping thinking of Dana from Canada who is coming over in May.
I would love to introduce her to you
In fact I would like to introduce her to me
we have never met - other than thinternet!!
Keep thinking -
must take her to Brick Lane for a Curry with the Platform 18 Crew.
Must take her to The Bell, where we went Saturday
Must take her to Maison Bertreau
(No New Piccadilly - I grieve still at the loss)
.......... it is funny - they are all eating places!
more than that
they are meeting places
dialogue places
Level Five places
and must take her to Da Marios in Covent garden.
Funny - I only go to London to eat and meet
never a show, movie, museum, or ...............
just to eat and meet and I lurve it.

Back to telling ..........
I have lots to do as I am busy this week
flying Norway this coming week-end
Fly Belfast the next week-end
Up North the one after
then it is Easter hey hey - so soon.

I have so much to click
but I don't just want to do FACTS
that is level two
I wanna do feelings because that is as L5 as you can get.
I feel good
cannot wait to get stuck into the challenges of the week
but the prep has to be done.
I need to get off these keys and start late night clicking
essential emails about the week
creating some fertile soil
preparing the way.

The TV Movie is over.
Good film.
Action movie and gripping
but not during the adverts.
Just made Joan a mug of drinking Chocolate
and she has gone to zeds.
Zig is all laid out on the rug.
Me - I am feeling good - more relaxed.

Amidst other things - I am going to the Docs tomorrow about::
my gut
my finger nails deteriorating
my regular check up.
He is Mr Non Communicator
hardly ever lifts his eyes
hardly ever moves from monotone
and he is my health advisor - hmmm.

The film is over - I must move on
not very good at self-revelation tonight.
Will return to it again and again
it helps me to kick the darkness
until it bleeds daylight

I feel you there
peering into your screen
want to reach out and touch your finger tip with mine
you are so beautiful ..................

Just posted the Pipturesque and love the family picture - the energy - the willingness to let it all out for the camera man.
Also my Mission Statement - still standing .............


Saturday, February 23, 2008

...... thinking of Richard and Jen in the US.

In their new marriage and busy with lots of things and I am feeling for them ......

I feel I have not blogged for ages.
I have been in focus with humans.
I have been out and stretched.
I need to relax.
Will you - with me?

........ come breathe with me ......

Take a a few slow deep breaths ............
Notice the slight pause between the intake and exhale .............
Drink deep at the well with that moment of beautiful space in your life ...................
Your life is made up of those moments and they will be with you as long as you live .....
Life is made up of those moments .........
As precious as you are ......
Notice as you breathe ..........
Your life slows and it becomes a time of peace .......
Notice your nostrils are cooler as you breathe in .........
Warmer as you breathe out ..............
Oxygen in and the waste out ............
Life giving energy for your body and soul .......
New life in and old life out ...........
Breathe on me breath of God, fill me with life brand new .....................


Thursday, February 21, 2008

Loving you is easy because you're beautiful .......... so sings the song on my piPhone above.

I do truly hope you can see and hear the piPhone on this page because it adds so much in terms of visual and musical content.

An I hope you have some decent computer speakers. I have a Harman/Kardon set of speakers which Joan bought me for Christmas some years ago and they sound fab fab.

Had a great day today.
Was really concerning me because I had not a clue what to do.
I was working with a group of young beautiful humans in Chesterfield in the middle of the UK.

It stretched me like mad and so many others stepped out of their comfort zones and moved the earth .........

Lots of prep and sweat and fine consideration went into it - what to do in terms of content and also working the space/environment/tools/activities/words/stretch/challenge/support
It was fantastic in terms of moving ahead. The group developed a climate of trust which means they leapt ahead in terms of trust/confidence/risk taking/listening wow the listening. Full of life humans - listening - the silence gripping.
Stinking wow.

Gotta go
got another early start and by car this time instead of train.

You are beautiful
even if you feel no other thinks that
You are beautiful

.... beautifully human
that is what you are
I mean that
you are not your behaviour
your feelings
your incompleteness
your aching
your fallshortofwhatyouwanttobeness

you are beautiful at the core
your soul
your centre

you are loved
you valuable


Wednesday, February 20, 2008


Blob Tools are not best used on your own as a mental exercise.
They come alive in a group context.
If the group leader always takes the lead
by doing the task first:
it sets the tone of depth not superficiality;
it shows how the exercise can be conducted for those who did not concentrate and hear well;
it is pitched well to suit the context of the group.

It is a resource for you to explore first
and then use as a means of talking about feelings.

The Big Book of Blobs

Big Book of Blobs

Code: 140-7277

Age range:
All Ages

Product Type:

Total: £29.50

ORDER or view details HERE::

Product Description :: These Blob Tools offer a unique way to initiate discussion about all sorts of issues and subjects. They are organised into themes and scenarios that include: ? Places – Beach, cinema, cliff, concert, disco, homes, playground, staffroom, village ? Issues – Bullying, death, disaster, divide, fame, families, feast, money, parents, protests, romance, sleep, talk, water safety, world ? Occasions – Christmas, Easter, football, lecture, nativity, Olympics, skateboarding ? Personal Development – Body, caring, doors, leaps, river, rock, shadows, valley, vertigo. Each picture is accompanied by ideas and questions to kick-start class, group or one-to-one discussion. Includes a FREE CD Rom containing the whole book. 124 pages, A4.

It soon would change...........

Everyone gathered
a hug or two
but it soon would change.

After an introduction
and a few starter
getting everyone talking
first in small groups
then in plenary
everyone had spoken
self revealed
relaxed -
but it soon would change.

I was about to create a structured experience
reverse empathy
an experiential learning exercise
starting with comfortable humans -
but it soon would change.

I had them sharing in small groups
about conflict experienced in their lives
about aggression faced in their jobs
about things which had happened outside the training room -
but soon things would change.

Intimacy in small groups
active listening
bodies leaning forward in empathetic posture
faces still with attentive tension -
but it soon would change.

A structured experience
guided sharing
attention to real listening
specific brief
about their own experiences -
but it soon would change.

I gather them in a large group
asking for no words to be spoken
structured silence and
I brief them to become
another human
who they had heard -
but soon - so soon, we are about to change.

"I am 'name', naming another human,
I faced violence when.............."
and a real, so real story was told -
reality entered the room.
One heard another retell a vivid story.
One became responsible to tell a story which was not theirs.
All did this ..........
......... and changed had begun.

Afterwards - still in silence
I asked for their feelings
powerful empathetic words spilled
powerful supportive words
powerful non verbal expressions of privilege
and the change was happening.

I halted the silence and asked for reflections
serious faces stumbled out words of respect
hesitant, cautious phrases offered explicit words
of comfort
of love
of support
of empathy
We had experienced something we will never forget
and it had been, still was, a changing experience.

The group had all experienced violence to the person
from a 'one on one' attack
to death of a family member with a gun.
Being in a 'scared to death' situation with hammers being used
Being fearful of their own survival.
Now we can start from reality, to work at moving from awareness to skills. Skills to provide tools in the life toolbox to enable the worker to better deal with a conflict situation. Firstly not making the incident escalate. The being better able to manage self and calm the explosion from another.

It is over. I am left drained from the experience. The word 'privilege' stays in my gut from the day.

"We only see human behaviour - we never see a human's experience"
Unless there is a structured opportunity to share like this, important experiences remain unknown. We see behaviour but we don't hear the story.
So many explosive humans, aggressive humans, tortured humans, emotionally torn humans have stories untold. Damage untold. Abuse untold.




Monday, February 18, 2008


At Rest in::

Wilson Mansions

I have heard of a DJ called
Throbbing Hood
I like that.

Just moved 16,000 pictures from one mac to another. My life flashed before me.

Injustice triggers tears in me.

Tears today at Wilson Mansions.
Joan home from a stressful four days caring for her Mother who is in great need.
We both shed tears ........
But the tears came in relief as we heard that little Alan, the wee son of Anita and Tomek, came through a six hour+ operation on his head. Tears and prayers flow mingled down.

Nothing else is significant in my life today .................


Saturday, February 16, 2008

Mothers Day

Today is my Mothers Birthday.

It is also the anniversary, this month, of my Mothers death.

All four sons were with her when she died in hospital.
I held her hand until she stopped breathing.
It was a special time.
It was beautiful in so many ways.
Sad and distressing - yes
but a privilege ...........

I have sometimes communicated in this blog dipping place,
and you who may have read about it if you have clicked this way before.
I have told about when I was working in the East End of London.
Working with youth street gangs giving my all - beyond breaking point.
Demanding it was.
Giving it was....... and at the same time ....

My Mother was about to enter hospital to have her legs amputated - one above the knee, one below the knee.
Here I was in East London, in the most deprived community in the nation
working with beautiful humans who were deep into crime and enjoying violence and .....
..... my Mother was due to enter hospital over 200 miles away.

I was sat near the snooker table in the club.
Back to the wall.
I always sit with my back to the wall.
The young humans I work with had heard about my Mother and of what was about to happen.
I was subdued that evening and not my usual bustling, bouncy, verbal self.
As I sat with my back to the wall near to the snooker table -
one of the toughest of the gang members walked around the table a couple of times.
Walking ever so slow - walking ever so close - but not stopping .....
Then, as he walked past me again,
and as he did he just stroked my hair away from my forehead and walked on.
........... that was the point when the sobs rose from my chest as I felt it
- that act of beautiful tenderness .......
As I click these keys now tears fill my eyes - again.

I choked, I think, because I was at a depth of vulnerability
I felt and I connected with those feelings - felt that.
Also it was because I connected with the act of non-verbal sensitivity,
gentleness and kindness pouring out of an inarticulate frame of a tough and violent young man.
I remembered it now and it moves my soul ..........

I learned a lot from that incident of care.
That incident was not a chosen moment of my vulnerability.
But I learned that it is a mistake to see vulnerability as a weakness.
Vulnerability is all about disclosing the authentic me.

Since then I have chosen,
and tried my best,
to reveal my vulnerability.
Not because I am submissive (instead of assertive)
or in Child ego state (instead of Adult ego state).
It is part of the process of me 'telling you who I am'.
It has driven my sensitivity towards 'the least' 'the underside'
and many beautiful humans I spend time with regularly
(who some say have 'special needs' )
.......... .......haven't we all?

So with the people we work with
- some people call them clients,
and those we work alongside
- some say colleagues .....
it seems to me that we need to practice
the naked act of sharing when we feel life experiences
...... both the roses and the thorns.
Beautiful Imperfection ........................

...... I have had a cry again ...........


Friday, February 15, 2008

"Seek the shalom of the city
where I have sent you ...
and pray to the Lord on its behalf;
for in its shalom
you will find your own shalom."