Friday, October 31, 2003

I am reading web and blog reflections about this great man SO many of us have lost from our lives.

Last year, Yaconelli wrote in his latest book, Messy Spirituality,
"I just want to be remembered as a person who loved God, who served others more than he served himself, who was trying to grow in maturity and stability. I want to have more victories than defeats, yet here I am, almost 60, and I fail on a regular basis.

On the Greenbelt CD from this year 2003, he said this about his attitude:-

"If I were to die today, I would be nervous about what people would say at my funeral. I would be happy if they said things like 'He was a nice guy' or 'He was occasionally decent' or 'Mike wasn't as bad as a lot of people.' Unfortunately, eulogies are delivered by people who know the deceased. I know what the consensus would be. 'Mike was a mess.'"

That is the sort of guy he was ............ telling us all that we are acceptable to God ........ if he was ...... and he believed it!
He is .............

Big John was with me when I was last with Mike Yaconelli
He has allowed me to use this .........................

On Friday, October 31, 2003, at 12:41 AM, john noble wrote:

i feel kind of numb pip hearing this truely awful news.
trying to say something, but words wont do it pip.
a prayer.....

Heavenly Father
Thankyou, Lord for the Grace
That ushers us
Into your arms
Which lights up the dark path with a billion suns
And fills Your arena with a hundred million angels singing

For sending us your Ambassadors of Glory
The simple tellers of the story
Armed to the teeth with one weapon of devastation
The truth

Thankyou for giving me ears to hear things i really dont want to hear
Especially the silence
And a heart touched, moulded, ruined by making those ears listen

Tonight we live in a quieter place
Sadness awoken

Let us remember the words that came from that mouth
And flowed though that heart into the fingers on to the page
Let us act upon them

May we always hear
May You always be near


Mike Yaconelli
I first knew of him due to his publications in the US.
He was also a games person like myself.
Then he came to Greenbelt, the festival which makes faith real and live in concrete.
He came to visit the Rolling Magazine and fit that space like hand in glove. Everyone loved him.
The Very Stinking Late Show, starting at 11pm and finishing at 1 0r 2 was also the place to be for this great man.
He was so funny. So powerful midst the humour.
So real..........................

Recently Joan and me have travelled in the car and listened to the essential c.d.'s bought at Greenbelt 2003. John Bell and yes, of course, Mike Yaconelli.
I know of his family, his church, his kissing, his passion, all through his open and honest speaking. I know his wife Karla first hand and through the talks. I want to be with her now to express those/these powerful feelings.

For so many years I have felt the person so close as we sat in the bar late night after GB. The pint of beer and the cigar cemented in place by passionate conversations. Sharing stuff, not heady debates of opinion.

I remember one evening, a few drinks into the evening .......... Mike started to weep. He was expressing his sense of freedom being here at Greenbelt. Being here with people who loved him and never judged him. A place far from home, where he felt at home.
The tears were his best communication of that.
We loved him then in is vulnerability.
We love him now in his ultimate vulnerability.

Lord have mercy


"work like you don't need the money
dance like no-one is watching
sing like no-one is listening
love like you have never been hurt"

Thursday, October 30, 2003

I have just heard that one of Greenbelt's finest friends and most popular
contributors, Mike Yaconelli, was killed in a car crash last night.

Mike first came to Greenbelt in the mid-eighties and kept coming back - he
has probably spoken to more people at the festival than anyone. We have
never had a more animated and entertaining speaker. Even this last August he
was still packing venues out, still inspiring people to know that they could
make a difference.

Like Karla, his wife, he loved the Festival and was a real kindred spirit,
part of our gang. He would do almost anything for us, particularly when we
had hard times. Many of us became firm friends and we will miss him hugely.

Think of him when you say your prayers, think of Karla and his kids and
grandchildren. We can be grateful that his bright spirit and mischievous
soul came our way.

Here is the message from the Youth Specialties website, the youth
organisation he founded and ran.

The Tragic Loss of Mike Yaconelli

Mike Yaconelli

El Cajon, CA, October 30, 2003 - Mike Yaconelli, owner and co-founder of
Youth Specialties, was involved in a fatal car accident late Wednesday
night, October 29, outside his hometown of Yreka, in northern California. He
passed away early Thursday morning, October 30. In addition to founding
Youth Specialties, an organization dedicated to equipping and training youth
workers through events and resources, Mike was the founder and general
editor of The Door (formerly The Wittenberg Door) and the author of numerous
books, including Dangerous Wonder and Messy Spirituality. Mike was also a
contributing columnist to Youthworker journal.

“Mike was the incarnation of his book titles, Dangerous Wonder and Messy
Spirituality. He lived a life of wonder and amazement at God’s grace. He
never claimed to be perfect; he just lived as he was—a man after God’s own
heart,” said Tic Long, president of events at Youth Specialties.

Mike’s life and work have inspired thousands of people, most notably youth
workers, through his writing and speaking. Mike exuded a passion for
following Christ and living out that faith in everyday life. Perhaps Mike’s
greatest contribution was his ability to encourage and inspire youth workers
for almost 30 years at the National Youth Workers Convention.

Mark Oestreicher, president of Youth Specialties, recently introduced Mike
at the National Youth Workers Convention this way: “I guess I could say he
is a wonderfully complex group of seeming contradictions. Many of you know
that Mike is extremely playful; and while many playful people are only that,
Mike is a deep well—a contemplative man with a mushy pastor's heart. Mike is
one of those rare people who truly lives in the upside-down kingdom of God;
he values mercy, change and truth (even when it's uncomfortable)…He's a
reluctant prophet, and reminds me of Jeremiah, but more fun. In my
imagination, they even look alike.”

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

I prepare for ages before running/leading an open group work session.
Regular blogger students will have picked up some of the prep and process which I strive for.

I need to be tuned to the context. What the vibe and the attendance will be ...... and thats a laugh when you work with those who have special needs - a range of!...... Where are they at, and what is the next step that I can encourage and facilitate them to explore.

I usually have a hand built handout which feeds individual souls. That paper tool needs designing. Then, how to process it through to a positive end. I think about that and make notes to myself. Thinking of every angle and every possible scenario.

Feelings ...........right now ........ I have them. Sometimes erupting from every pore. Sometimes the feelings are under the surface and needing a pin to pick them out, ......... like I used to use on a pomegranate when I was a kid. Every little module needs to be dug out and examined before eating or understanding.

Such, the latter, is now.
A group moving around, sometimes hidden from me but engaging in the discussion. Some big story tellers who will roll away with length of permitted. Some fantastic personalities. Some great wisdom pouring out of such young lips. I think the big thing I am looking at now was my facilitation. I allowed the group to stay at the 'opinion level' rather than guiding the sharing to a level 4/experiential level.
I am pausing as I write this ..... pomegranate like. I think there was learning. No, I am sure. I believe that as individuals say something they are themselves learning. Their thoughts are not 'thought out' until they are 'spoke out'. Only when sharing in a group do they become reality. Otherwise it can stay undisclosed and undiscovered.
And the rest of us learn too.
So that is the aim, developmental stuff at the pace of they themselves. Hey hey. Feel a bit better now because I have searched the feelings and process.

In another module of life...............
I have been working on, mind and ears, the search for suitable music for a tv programme. As I listen on my laptop, as I type, there is some fantastic Norwegian jazz that is great moody stuff. That gives my my mind a holiday for a start.

“Maybe nothing is more important than that we keep track, you and I, of these stories of who we are and where we have come from and the people we have met along the way because it is precisely through these stories in all their particularity . . . that God makes himself known to each of us most powerfully and personally.”
Frederick Buechner (Telling Secrets , 1991)


Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Thinking ,as you do ……… never had a poem done for me/about me before.
This one done by an angel.
If you don’t understand it ….. me neither. I think art is like that. A song, a painting, a dance, a poem ……
There to be discovered ………………………. I understand some and that I like it …………………..



People seem to forget
Chose to erase
Those sugar battered priceless days
That you
So excitedly give
Pumped with familiar phrases
Which would
Exhilarate if they felt
Whilst others would scorn
My sweet
Sit and wonder
Why their fuck off phrases
To meet
And dampen the torment
The fear
That maybe you
My friend
Maybe you once felt

I once did wonder
If I could give
If I could touch
That trembling hand
That unheard heart
That let alone
I do
And in them
And these
Sugar hooped weeks
My friend
Beneath the spangled words I taketh
Simply beautiful too!

By Charlie Lockwood
October 2003

Nothing ever comes without some kind of fight, we've got to kick the darkness untill it bleeds daylight.
Bono U2

"That moment has consistently been a high point in U2 shows. It's fantastic how the audience respond to it. Finding new ways of creating that huge red scene is always one of the treats of designing a new show."

-- Willie Williams, on the opening of "Streets" live

I am excited about the forthcoming U2 album ........ hey hey

Music is big in my life
my soul
Listening to Annie Lenox by chance not design
She is singing to God who she does not believe in

Just typed a handwritten poem.
Never before have I had a poem written for me
about me
it is deep
shall publish it on Pearls
(Have you seen the Pearls of Wilson page on my website? The colour the design all done by a creative human. Beautiful. See the new designed pages too. The reading list will be updated soon ....... kindly typed by Richard and a fine design by Charlie. Some people think I do it ..... what a laugh. I create games and structured experiences not stuff on computers. I cannot even use word or power-point and am so SO frustrated)
Sorry about the weakness blast.

I love the Sheilas.
Looking forward to Gilles Peterson live from Brighton on Wednesday.
I am rambling so....................

The glory of God is a person fully alive

Monday, October 27, 2003

I am web surfing still. Found this about a rodent and me!!
I did invent the rolling magazine but this Germen to English via Google gets it almost right.

"Rolling of magazines ? that stands for an innovative Christian dte rodent meeting.

The idea originates from England. Pip Wilson, which has directors/conductors of the Rome Ford YMCA, it for Greenbelt, which conceives largest Christian music festival in Europe.

The program is a multicolored mixture (magazines) and runs fast off (Rolling). Young people between 13 and 25 years meet, know each other already or meet for the first time. They dance, play and come themselves with one another into the discussion - over God, the world and. The different elements come impact on impact, to the Abtanzen to current hits follow again a calmer phase, which energizes for thinking. Place for boredom is not there."

Found this on the world wide web and it has been translated electronically from German I think. It is about the Prague festival.

"Between the speeches we sang the Festival song, which Judy Bailey for us had written, took part in fun with Erik and Pip Wilson and had much fun thereby."

For Swiss delegation
Christoph Goeldi

Been and done a 2.5 hour training session today for 26 beautiful child care workers.
Team Building.
Bit a fun. Two eggs used for creativity rather than eating hmmmm
Group experiences with exclusion seen and felt.
Awareness of self and others.
A little wee touch on the Level 5 stuff.
Loved the vibe and the team working together. So many on the same team and yet not knowing each other.
We ended with depth. With feeling. The room was still at the end. The feelings written on faces. Feelings of positiveness, Feelings because the surface had been scratched an they were kind enough to let me close to their lives ......... even as a stranger, Thanx you......

The M25
I allowed to get there one hour before and yet the preparation time was fumbling along on the motorway .........munching two pears ................. must lose weight.

Listening to
Amy Winehouse
Terry Hall
Late Junction Radio Three
Gilles Peterson R1
Mica Paris old album called Contribution
Pete Tong on the M25 taped from Friday R1 ..... love it love it


"While I do think religion is often an obstacle to God, I do also find comfort in it on occasions -- whether it's a mass around the corner from where we live, or a Protestant Gospel Hall I might find on the road."

-- Bono, in late 2001

Doing a training course for a Child ~Care team today. Know next to nothing about 'wee human' development so I will be concentrating on the development of the grown ups.
Team building and how to make love.

There is so little emphasis around on how to be 'Peace lovers' instead of 'Peace makers.'
There is so little emphasis on becoming, not only 'lovers of love' but,' love makers' .............. not just takers.
Makers is better than takers it seems to me.

At the beginning of the week I wonder what life will bring.
Had all sorts of dreams last night away from home.
Not bad ones but the sort that puzzle and I would rather not have..... in that they shake the sleep patterns.

I will be working with humans all week and do not know what to do.
The spirit must lead.

England played rubbish today.
West ham going nowhere.
Man u will still do well.
Rugby league ashes coming up to please and get away from mauls.
Why do people have to take drugs?
Why do we have a boozehype culture and make it great to be drugged in booze?
IDS still not gone.
What can you and I do about the African Aids crisis?

Was thinking about the trees and the beautiful colours at the moment. Why can't they stay like that instead of going naked, sharp, boney, lifeless .........
.........but then I thought it is because there is spring to come and new life.
So methinks that is like real life, human life. We will have our human autumn and winter and then .................... spring will come ........ designer life!!
Designer 'new life' ................... for old.
Lets get some-a-that-eh?

Sunday, October 26, 2003

Just got Frank
It is the new Amy Winehouse LP and she is new, the first from this North London gal and I can recommend it NOW already and not yet thrashed it in my ears.

Also got Terry Hall with an ethnic twist
and some more vibes to fill my ipod for the Autumn travels and pleasure.
I grunt on the London tubes when I am listening to this stuff and get some strange glances!

Just in recovery from the Level Five week-end in Robin Hood town.
I love these people and they love me I can tell. Grunts and all!
It was the first time in 23 and a half years, that we tried to do one with the kids and partners there and do the L5. We have the big ones BBQ etc sometimes but do not attempt the level five sessions. We did this time and don't think it is the best. We like longer in session. We also love the gang around so we have fixed an Italian L5 and another session for the new year. So we have had four meets this year.
This is something that we can never take for granted. Talking with a group who listen and care,. Question with the most gentle probe. People who exist with out level five are missing the greatest of human encounter.
hmmmm ................................................................................. bhp

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Doing a level 5 week-end with the group I am one of. We have been meeting together for 23 years or so ..... I will check tomorrow. Maybe 24?

We meet and share and it is great stuff. May sound strange to you but if you have really shared with a group and felt total unconditional love, you will understand. A group of people who have travelled a road apart but coming together for two or three times a year and connecting like we have never been apart. I love these humans. Beautiful. Beautiful imperfection.

So here I am, home from the friends who are just fantastic. I do not feel equal to them because of all that they are. Beautiful.

In the news.
I am not turned on by Concord but more interested in a person who sells confidentiality for profit. There was a biblical character who did this if you recall?
IDS..... can you imagine him managing the pressure Tony Blair has been under over the last few years?
Bono and the pending new album in early 2004 ....... still holds more than a personal faith. It is a faith that has eyes beyond the self. A faith that reaches out to the world

I have emotions as I zzed to bed ..... they are ones of pleasure. Love it love it. This life that is.

I don't know who reads this but ...... thank you for your contribution to my life ....... at a distance or closer ......... stay beautiful


Friday, October 24, 2003

Charlie has written a poem about me.
That is a first.
Read about Charlie in the 'pearls of wilson' click on my website
She said I could publish it.
I will have to type it which will take a week ..... no good at this stuff.

Going out for a curry now.
Friends and curry.
Friends come first.
But a like the food as the waistline shows

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Article from yesterdays Guardian about a young man helped by yhe ymca in and out of prison.

A clean break - interview with a young offender who has been involved in
YMCA activities whilst in prison, with comment from Ceri Davies
Paste it in your browser if it does not click-to-action.,7843,1067633,00.html

like the pics on here

like U2 news on here

like the radio playlists on here

like the art and entertainment on here

just ordered this cd

and this

but must go to bed zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

tired now
passion going out
but glad I do this

the people with unbelievable stories are still in my soul
not stories
real life lived. not stinking fiction

saw the programme on tv tonight about the young Welsh girl who was mashed at 11 and on the streets at 12. I feel deeply. So many damaged by parents who were unable to love
refused to love
Recently I have had things shared with me that are so horrific I cannot tell.
I just want to understand it.
Cannot change it ....... it is history but can work with, contribute to the damaged lives and love. It is mainly an act of love.
I don't know what to do
just love.

Tired now. Listening to Gilles live on R1 but need to zz and listen on stream for the next 7 days and on tape in my car forever.

will love you and leave you and .........
live and love in wonder


"Community is a safe place precisely because no one is attempting to heal or convert you, to fix you, to change you. Instead, the members accept you as you are. You are free to be you. And being so free, you are free to discard defenses, masks, disguises: free to seek your own psychological and spiritual health."

M. Scott Peck

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Feeling a failure.
A great group we had which, with a struggle, I managed to keep on track.
Just as the whole group was blending and opening, someone came in and took over the whole group. mainly because of great need, which blocked out any sense of listening or considering others. There was no malice. It was howling need.
I feel for the humans there who had started to self disclose and, through no fault of their own - or mine, they were left high and dry. Interrupted. Stifled.
I want and will apologize to them.

This is the first time I have ended a group without an end, without some natural conclusion.

Doing open group work means that anyone can come and go at any time. That is good for those that slip in and hang around the edges for a few sessions and then decide to really join in. Never have I held a group where all the group come at the beginning and stay until the end.

Thinking late night- I cannot think of anything I could have done better.
My faith always refers it on to a great counsellor . Someone who works out-of-hours when the group has finished and the participants have gone to some nightmare - ish sleep. Someone who loves beyond human love.

I cannot tell you of the pain shared.
Lord have mercy.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Joan goes swimming every Monday and it was so embarrassing last summer when she plunged the pool leaving little me on the side.

She is happy with my lack of involvement in Romford YMCA because she sees me more!! She is just generally happy ...... thanx for asking........

We saw both the Sheilas yesterday and loved it.
Went to our fav Greek cafe which is selling out ...... such a big disaster!
Both are tripping the world again but the 'calvin cline' underpants and cigars have got to be had from somewhere!!!

Joy will be buying for me, in Miami, a little gadget for my ipod which will transmit the grooves from ipod to my car radio ..... it is illegal to have one in the Uk in case I run a pirate radio station with this device. It only broadcasts for about 5 feet!! ......... so I will break the law!!


"work like you don't need the money
dance like no-one is watching
sing like no-one is listening
love like you have never been hurt"

Leadership can be quick when it all goes through one person. A slower way, but developmental, is when a group/team do the thinking and working out the way. All groups/ teams need a leader but what kind of leader?

I chose the developmental way because it equips people for the future. The one person funnel is not a behaviour of liberation. Not salvation, it seems to me.

Salvation, the word, was first used when the people of Israel where escaping from captivty through the red sea ....... remember the bible story?
It was not personal salvation, which I DO believe in, but LIBERATION, freedom, total freedom for community.
That is what I believe in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am among staff who pour themselves into their work with people to a poin of pain.

"Community is the place of belonging .... of acceptance......of caring.
It is a place of growth in love....... Community leads to openness and acceptance of others.
Without community people's hearts close up......"
Jean Vanier
from 'Community and Growth' (DLT 1989)

Monday, October 20, 2003

" not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your Barclaycard"

I don't, like you I guess, get some feedback. Normally I am out on my own with a few key relationships wich help to sustain life. Number one relationship for inspiration sustinence and dirction is the creator who I have decided to relate with in a long term relationship. Unconditional and longer than long term.

I got a letter/note.
Just left for me to pick up from my tray.
It wa s from a young woman who had been raped when she was younger and had spent a lot of time in the ymca. Her note said
"Pip thank you very much for the chat. I really did appreciate it. You are a good man, don't forget it. All my love and deep respect."

Short but so meaningful for me.
And don't we need the thank you and appreciation comments?

There are Eight core communication skills:-

1 Non-verbal communication
2 Questioning
3 Re-enforcement
4 Reflecting
5 Opening and closing
6 Explaining
7 Self disclosure
8 Listening

Why is a bottom called a bottom when it is only half way down?

Hope you are doing well?
Feeling pretty good?
Still on that journey?


I have two words on my desk within constant view.



got loads of junk on my desk too.

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Just burned a cd of of John Bell speaking at Greenbelt this year. That means it will go automatically onto my ipod and I can listen to the great man this week.

If you have not heard him, ask and I will lend you a cd of his.

If you desire, like me, soul feeding, inspiring, thoughts provoked, depth ............. he is yer man.

He has a whole series of stuff available to buy on the Greenbelt website
see link from my website home page.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

It is late Thursday 16 1 97 and I feel sad. I don't know why.

I found those words on a slice of paper tucked away in a book I was revisiting.
It was a sort of blog. I have done that for years. Late night reflections. I can go back 30 years to certain dates and reread my feelings of that time, that occasion. My first book came that way. It was a book of experiences largely about working with youth gangs in east london but also about the experiences of the whole of my life.

Felt a bit low yesterday morning and I asked the same question. Why?

I think I am going through a period of adjustment again. Did that when I left romford y six months ago. Now again. It does not stay long because as soon as I engage with people I seem to fly.

Well ..... here I am talking about myself when there is a world to change out there .......... must fly................

Friday, October 17, 2003

"Hating people is like burning your own house down to get rid of a rat" Harry Fosdick

I find that the people who are very much in need, damaged, bruised in different ways ...... often hate others so much. The hate that comes out, the language, the waste of emotion ........

I often say to people that this is doing you more damage than you may ever guess. That festering inside of evil against another seems to me to me like a festering cancer. (this reminds me of the newspaper called 'the daily mail') We are responsible for you own behaviour not the behaviour of others. We can help others. We can work with them. But we cannot control another.

"Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation for such a method is love"
Martin Luther King

I spend time with people. I want to. I must do.
So many are damaged.
Can you imagine a person in front of me this week, racked to the soul in sobs. Broken damaged and battered over 20 years and hurting like hell before my eyes. Sobbing blocking the words from stumbling out of the lips. Body doubled as if in severe physical pain. I guess that emotional pain was WAS also in the physical.
At the same time, another person was howling accusations and blame with fury.
Persons of pain, in conflict and no pity in view. I felt deep hurt that this was unfolding in front of me.

Now this is real. I cannot tell you the history, the proceeding. How and what was he outcome. Outcome? ...... what is an outcome short of heaven?
Life rolls on, does it not, and you have only a very thin slice of a cake presented to you ........ to feel.

How to love in that situation and the daily hurly burly is the question.
It grabs me when I wrestle with this daily. I have the stomach knots too.
I come back to the the principle that there is an core value, that this person in-front of me- being hurt or doing the hurting ....... is valuable firstly to God. If we believe and have God as a centre to our lives, he must be here on the case with this one. He the great lover cannot turn the head away when behaviour is ugly. Those persons are valuable and need undeserving love, the Grace of God ...... just like me.
A second principle is, methinks, that abusing person is a product of abuse, rather than love, and the answer must be related to love rather than further abuse.

We are still left with 'how' do we love.
How can I answer that .....I cannot.
I can only share how I instinctively respond, behave, react in some stumbling manner.
Somehow it is seeing the pain. That pain you recognize in yourself. Because you have had some. That brings out the compassion, the desire to love, the words to love, the actions to love, the eyes to love.
And it is about seeing below the surface. Below the behaviour. Deep .......... to the soul.

Very often there is a major lack of understanding. I do not understand the hurt, the pain, the experience the person is living in or living from. That is why the first mentioned is so vital. We will not know the reasons, the sparks which have lit the fires.
This person is valuable. Both of them. However damaged.
Precious, unique, valuable, beautiful.
....................................................................... and we are called to love......................

my fav U2 website with daily news of the band even before the new album is out and it will be big time ...... the world will rock.......

click this for a bitafun
made me smile going to bed last night


It was dark outside when I woke. I was thinking about every person I work with and alongside without me wanting to.
I would have slipped out of bed quietly only it was cold.
One leg pushed out from under the duvet convinced me to linger and continue my unwanted head spin. Not worried thoughts. Just replaying scenarios and taking them on a leap or two.

Then the front door rings and me in my dressing gown tripping down the stairs is not my favorite early start. Well, early may be an exaggeration because it was little Robert from next-door-but-one all dressed up for school. Great little fella. Wanting me to sponsor him. Hmm. He convinced me it could not wait till later so ................ sponsor I did and that means a late night and an early morning 'in the mix'.

So 'late junction' plays on the laptop as I click keys.
Buzzing from people work. Still in my head and heart.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

a negative support map
a postitive support map

we can look at the negatives
look at the positives
but we need to cultivate the positive by making some life decisions about our life.

We are not responsible for the other persons behaviour
we are responsible for our own behaviour.

The centre of our life needs to be decided upon
otherwise we have no centre
no heart
no soul
no life

the glory of God is a person fully alive

What's been done in the name of Jesus
What's been done in the name of Buddha
What's been done in the name of Islam
What's been done in the name of man
What's been done in the name of liberation
And in the name of civilization
And in the name of race
And in the name of peace!
Everybody loves to see justice done on somebody else."

- "Justice" by Bruce Cockburn

Five Jews who have changed the way we see the world

Moses: The law is everything
Jesus: Love is everything
Marx: Money is everything
Freud: Sex is everything
Einstein: Everything is relative

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Life hmmm.
I meet, talk with, work with, try to be effective with people who have lived a life that I could not even imagine. They are living it out now right in front of me. Hell on legs. It is for them. And I feel it. Secondhand.

In discussion it comes out. Sometimes it takes along time. Then it is shared. Something big which they want to share. The climate must be right. For them. The time must be right. For them.
It is so stinking good if they can let it out. To tell the pain. Tell their story.
I love it ..... the privilege to hear it and share it.
I hate it ..... the messed up lives.

They are the products of people who have loved them, failed to love them or have been unable to love them.

The groups I run, even for groups of professionals who hold down substantial jobs, I see people open up in the right climate. And they love it. Even when touching their own pain.
But then so easily ....... the masks can so easily be returned. The communication can become so thin, so little given away.

"I do not ask the wounded person how he feels,
I myself become the wounded person"
Walt Whitman.

How to become a human person who accepts another unconditionally is a challenge. it is so easy for those with messed up lives to be harshly dealt with by the helpers. If not dealt with, the tone of voice, the 'after whisper' to a coworker. Feelings of inadequacy are hidden behind hurt hearts. We fail to love the unlovely as we would the lovely. We depend so much on the ball we throw to them, being thrown back ...... with a smile. How we fail.

The trouble is, I honestly believe that we are responsible 'to' people not 'for' people. That means, it seems to me, that God wants what we have not what we haven't. That means we sometimes have to walk away, evict a person out of a ymca hostel because we individually, or the ymca community, cannot cope

That asks questions of how we handle the following conflicting quote.

Jean Vanier, one of my favorite authors. He started the l'Arche movement.
"Wounded people who have been broken by suffering and sickness ask for only one thing: a heart that loves and commits themselves to them, a heart full of hope for them."

Monday, October 13, 2003

When I did my studies in informal education ......... my major study was 'Emotional Deprivation'.
I still feel this is a major area of life and pain.
I still believe there is a major conection to the spiritual and the Christian.
I still believe the Kingdom is about seeking, the journey, of wholeness ....
- for self
- for others
- for society
- for the cosmos because "God so ............."

Read by chance today, as I am sorting papers out for action this week .......
Hitler adamantly refused to go and see the bombed streets of Berlin, despite Goebbels pleading with him to do so for propaganda reasons.
By contrast Churchill insisted on visiting the bombed areas of east London in 1940 and stood in the ruins of humble houses with tears streaming down his face. Lord Ismay, who was with him, tells how a woman in the crowd said "Look, he is crying. He really cares!"

Now that gets to me.
Triggers tears in me!
I think why.
Not got the answer yet.

Watched the second episode of 'Hitler' on tape which was broadcast last night. Very powerful, especially at the end. The programme was good methinks but far from entertainment ........ it was not fiction! My soul shudders.

Earlier today I caught some of the London Service in memory of the Bali bomb terrorist attack. I loved how the speaker, Abbot of Appleforth I think, how he referred to God as 'the lover'. I have been doing workshops this summer on 'making love' and all about being a lover like him. He also quoted Bishop Tutu:-
"Love is stronger than death"
Love it.

Our weeks holiday is over and back to work tomorrow. Tell you the truth, I work all the time but when I have work days, I work strategic. The rest of the days I just communicate and respond and be a lover!
Back to real work and then will be in a rare groove all the way until Christmas.

Then got plans to go to the Royal Opera House for Cinderella on Boxing Day ..... ballet stuff I understand.
Then we will rock over the new year ..... away and getting on down.hey hey.

Still disturbed by the Hitler thing ...... and glad I am.
I remember being at a ymca conference in Warsaw and we all visited the site of the ghetto uprising and the slaughter of Jews there. The memorial was devastating.
When we got back to the conference, the leader of the German delegation apologized to the Polish people there ....... and everyone else.
Lord have mercy.

Cannot do much more tonight ...... I will just carry on watching the Osbournes on MTV.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

We have a choirboy in Church and I have never seen him sing yet.

You may think I am sad but ....... I have nine things on my Christmas present list already!

I have now sorted out the videos from the 100's stacked around the house. Now I have bags to give away. Music videos mostly. Unique of course.

Well ...... how is life with you today ....... me........ delighted to hear from some humans who I didn't expect .........

Moira-mo used to work with me some 15 years ago, just a guess, she was a 'Time for God' volunteer and had the mishap of becoming my assistant doing wondrous things ............. she was brilliant, a perfect balance for me with brains and a different style than me ..... chalk and cheesie!
She made e contact out of the blue and caught me up on things ...... now we are back connected ........ life is exciting.

And then Joy did the cyber thing and contacted me from the US ...... love the level five communication at a distance and she is good at it.

And then ....... I get invited to do some gigs of the training/road less travelled/life management kind and I am chuffed.

It is amazing that, once humans have connected at level five, you can lock into one another very quickly even after years of gap ..... and I love it.

In a couple of weeks we will be coming together with our 'Level five group' which has been coming together for twenty three or four years. We meet two or three times a year and just 'level' with one another. It is a joy to just come together and 'be' in such a climate of trust. We all just share our souls. If you have not done that with a person or group, wow it is a loss.

From a human being, correction, a human 'becoming', I say goodnight.

Friday, October 10, 2003

Only read this if you have at anytime felt rejected ....... for me it is the most powerfull feeling. Here is an article about how it shows up on a brain scan even ......

Brain scan shows rejection pain
The same brain area "lit up" on the scan

Being snubbed socially provokes exactly the same brain response as being physically hurt, say US researchers.

Volunteers were asked to play a computer game designed to fool them into feeling excluded, while brain scans were taken at the same time.

After the computerised snub, the scan detected activity in an area of the brain linked to physical pain.

Experts say the study, from the journal Science, is a hint to the importance the brain places on social ties.

The researchers involved in the study, from the University of California at Los Angeles, used an MRI scanner to probe the brains of their test subject as their feelings were manipulated.

These scanners can detect subtle changes in blood flow to various parts of the brain - which indicate when the region is active.

To provoke the right response, they devised an ingenious computer simulation designed to be reminiscent of a playground game.

The participants were shown a screen which gave the appearance of a "ball-throwing" game involving both the volunteer and two other figures, represented by animated characters.
Psychological pain in humans, especially grief and intense loneliness, may share some of the same neural pathways that elaborate physical pain
Dr Jaak Panksepp, Bowling Green State University, Ohio

The test subjects were told that real people were controlling the other two "people", and the game took the form of throwing the ball in turn between all three of them.

Of course, this was an elaborate hoax - there were no other human players, and the other characters in the game were controlled entirely by the computer.

At first, the game proceeded as it should, with the ball coming at regular intervals to the player controlled by the human volunteer.

However, after a while, the two computer controlled characters started throwing the ball only to each other, apparently excluding the test subject from the game.

It was at this point that the brain reactions were measured by the scanner.

The researchers noticed one key area of the brain "lighting up" on the scan when this happened.

This area, the anterior cingulate cortex, is already known to be associated with the brain's response to the unpleasant feelings linked to physical pain.

This was not just a frustrated reaction to not being able to play - researchers had already tested this by having a short period at the start of the game in which the controls appeared not to work properly.

The researchers wrote: "Evidence suggests that some of the same neural machinery recruited in the experience of pain may also be associated with social separation or rejection."

Powerful feelings

Dr Jaak Panksepp, from the Centre for Neuroscience, Mind and Behavior at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, said that feelings of social exclusion were powerful instincts in animals and humans.

He said: "The feelings induced by experimental games in the laboratory, are a pale shadow of the real-life feelings that humans and other animals experience in response to the sudden loss of social support.

"Psychological pain in humans, especially grief and intense loneliness, may share some of the same neural pathways that elaborate physical pain.

"Given the dependence of mammalian young on their caregivers, it is hard not to comprehend the strong survival value conferred by common neural pathways that elaborate both social attachment and the affective qualities of physical pain."

"Did you know if it wasn't for Venetian blinds it would be curtains for all of us."

This quote is from a speaker who has often strut his stuff at Greenbelt, last time last year. He is an inner city dweller, gets marks from on that one, and also a Sociplogist (I love you guys) and a faith man, disciple. And I like it:-

"I find it strange that the last place I can really quote Jesus these days is in American churches. They don't want to hear 'overcome evil with good.' They don't want to hear 'those who live by the sword die by the sword.' They don't want to hear 'if your enemy hurts you, do good, feed, clothe, minister to him.' They don't want to hear 'blessed are the merciful.' They don't want to hear 'love your enemies.'"

Tony Campolo, quoted in Christian Week magazine

This, below, is an item I did as my last throw on leaving my Christian and Spiritual Developent Officer post. It went out to all who register for the email coming out of the National Office.
Here it is:-

OUTRO from the desk of Pip Wilson in the leaning tower of CSD HQ
Feeling drained after intensity.
Things are not bad, for me.
I am not low, not down.
Drained from intensity of being with people, giving out, driving.
Also some with massive needs that leave me knowing so little.
A man with no solutions.
A man opening himself to the terrors of others and want to.

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity" Albert Einstein

Why am I drained?
I think I am working at a different level of intensity in the YMCA. In my last job and ones before, the management stuff was vital but also not as personally intense. Now I think it was good to do a mix. Now I am not in management (which I like) but the people thing is sat on my lap all the time.

"only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go" T.S. Eliot

My thoughts, I do not want to impose my certainties on others. I have only a few outside my own experiences. They did happen. My experiences DID happen. I just need to reflect and make sense of them.

As you work I yearn for the reality of you reflecting and stepping the next step of development. It may be to do with the body, mind, spirit, or emotions, or indeed a step of faith.

The work of facilitating freedom for others cannot include imposing certainties on you beautiful humans.
People must have freedom to reach their full potential. A caterpillar looks nothing like a butterfly but one develops from the other. No matter what major issues that there are in a humans life, the job is to help to create a climate of freedom seeking.

Don't tell anyone but I would love all the people I know to latch onto God and fall in love. Become a lover and start making love in the world. Being a disciple of Jesus has been the best decision I have ever made, BUT my love relationship, however positive for me, must not be oppression to someone else.

So as I leave the CSD post I share with you my desire to live in zones where comfort does not reside. Outside the comfort zones is where development is.

There is a step for you which will take you into discovery. Of self. Of others. Of eyes that see, of ears that hear. Of God. Of spirituality beyond what you know, beyond where you now reside. Take your pick!

No greater stretch is to be found by getting close, very close to fellow humans in the YMCA, heard of them?
The next person you see in the YMCA who makes you cringe, to shudder, to step back emotionally, that is the person to get close to ...... and yourself in the process!

"Look around you – there are people around you.
Maybe you will remember one of them all your life and later eat your heart out because you didn’t make use of the opportunity to ask them questions."
Alexander Solzhenitsyn


“If you can walk, you can dance. If you can talk, you can sing”
Zimbabwe proverb

good to be getting some links with the people who were in the group last week. Have sent a few pics off to some.

good to be back home and chance to clear the decks

good to see Zig again and give him a cuddle
you can't beat the fur for a cuddle ..... well almost.

good to have the week off so I can still try to catch up with the left overs of work and of course the clear-up of files and bags and boxes which I brought home from Romford y.

to come home and to find out the future is orange ...... my website has been updated and re-imagined by the genius that is Charlie.
Have a look at the pics because with all the new ones ...... you may be there alongside all the pics from when I left Romford. Greenbelt is in there too and other events which have attracted my mini-mini camera.

Look at the Pearls too. Some wonder-full articles and stimulus ...... love it and ...... thanx Charlie.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

I am in France, offline, having arrived in Honfleur a wee harbour town in Normandy. Beautiful.

But it has down-poured all the way so have not seen much of France so far.
Just great to get away for a couple of nights with Joan. Breathe fresh air. Food by the best. Relax with a coffee or three. Read with cigar and chill. Having 5000 tunes on my ipod will make life complete.

Little hotel , recently styled up, in a side street just the job. See you later.

Another day older and deeper in debt............................ day two in frog-land.
Joan reconds, and I agree, that I was so hard when I was young and it has took years for me to soften and be in any way sensitive.
I was brought up with shoulds and aughts and they included not being emotional or 'soft'. My Mother was tough, she had to be to bring four boys up during the war.
My playing of Rugby League was being violent. I used to help the team to win because I was violent. Not just rough and hard in the tackle. Really I was no good at the skills of the game.
I could not read when I was 12 so a grammar school kid was paid half a crown to teach me on Saturday mornings. I guess that school had few attractions to me other than having fun and playing rugby. The b stream was mine. I did all the boys around me did, and wanted me to do.

Now I think that life is about how we respond to the circumstances thrown at us rather than being swept along by the quirks of life.
Being adult, being centered on life, being an act-or rather than a reactor, choosing life rather than life directing me. There is faith in all this, the centre.

So whatever life chucks ........... I have decided how to live, evolving from the life of 'becoming' rather than being set, rather than just letting life happen. All this whirling around my head as we dwell in a drizzle-full harbour town.

We talk as tourists in anoraks stroll by. I am still talking about the group from last week and the journey of pain that we so often hide ...... and yet ....... it is a great source of growth and pleasure even.
Yonderboi (Shallow and Profound) a Hungarian group is in my ears. Their dance music base stuff is haunting.
UNKLE album (Never, Never land) gets a play ..... interesting how they use the spoken word infused in their work.
Mike Yaconelli on c.d. in the car also provides laughs and stimulation.
Gilles Peterson tapes over the last three weeks are being played in the rain ....... and why can't I get the new Ursula Rucker album fro my cheapest and favorite supplier?

....... and why do I feel oppressed by very posh people?
.... and why do I love the experience of dining out in France when I did not enjoy either of the fish courses?
....... and I accept I will never be complete ........

God gave you style, he gave you grace.
God put a smile upon your face.

Monday, October 06, 2003

Some more Johny Cash lyrics ....... they fit my current reading and thoughts.....

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt.

This is a note I left for someone who I work with ..... the wish to leave something to think about. Paper does that. Better than cyber stuff too. You can rip up a peice of paper. You can push it in the back pocket and read again. Paper can affirm. Love even.

Here goes:-

****** the man
I wanted to write something to you because I think that to reread
something can be useful.

You are a great man and I have enjoyed meeting you and getting to know
You have come on in so many ways from the rough times in the past.
It is important to clock that and remind yourself.

Last night was not the right time to talk. It is not good to talk when
under the influence.
I would love to talk proper ..... maybe when I am here next ?
I would be keen to....... but you are the man.

I felt you were a bit ragged last night. A bit down and fragile. We all
get like that in the peak and trough world.
Handling all that with more alcohol is not a good thing it seems to me.
Handling whatever you have on your soul, would be better managed without
the liquid .... Seems to me and what do you think?

Maybe the next step for you is to do that. Handle a an issue without the
Maybe we can talk next week?

All our weaknesses does not mean we are less value. You remain a great

Hope you do not mind me passing on my thoughts which are all to be

See you next week

This is something I picked up from google. It is a German/Swiss article about 'the rolling magazine' which I created for Greenbelt and is now used all over.
It is funny because it is only 'english' due to the 'translate this' button. Love how they translate 'Romford'!!
hey hey ..... here goes:-

Sounds a little after Rolling Stones - and that is also no miracle: the origin is British. Meanwhile Rolling of magazines is in addition, on the mainland a brand name for an innovative Christian dte rodent meeting.

Young people between 13 and 25 years meet, know each other already or meet perhaps for the first time. One is never for itself alone, but discussed, dances and speaks with one another. From time to time a merry play, then a small Show, interview, between them short Abtanzen to current Top hits. Later again a calmer phase, a discussion with the neighbour over God, the world and itself.

With the Rolling magazines come out the people from itself. They open for spontaneous discussions, make times which Ausgeflipptes and experience the group. The program is a multicolored mixture (magazine) and it runs off very fast (rolling). The different elements come impact on impact, one to the other one, it become never boring.

One must be thereby and experience a Rolling of magazines around itself its own picture from this program to to make.

The idea originates from England. Pip Wilson, which has directors/conductors of the Rome Ford YMCA it for Greenbelt, which develops largest Christian music festival in Europe, invented and in the course of 10 years to a mad concept.

Also in Swiss Cevi and in the Norwegian KFUM is in the meantime common the concept of the Rolling of magazines.

Wer's to completely exactly know wants: Pip Wilson wrote a book concerning it.
Pip Wilson: Rolling magazine the social music party, Macrea publishing house, ISBN: 3-9520967-1-7
I am away again tomorrow ..... will be offline methinks .......but only starting late tonight.
Some journeying till then.
In and out of my head.

thanx for being with me with all this .......


two thoughts I have had ....... resulting from this week,... no THREE!

1 we are going to Cinderella in London on Boxing Day hey hey
2 I am reading a book about pain
3 Last week I run a course for three hours with 12 beautiful humans and I encouraged them to feel their life and the reality of it.

Cinderella was the only one who knew if the glass slipper really fits and where it really hurts.
We all have our own unique discomforts and pain. The first big step is to clock reality and that is to feel our own frame and how it fits the glass slipper.
Only we can do that. Sometimes we do not 'own' our own pain and we pretend it is not there and, I guess, hope it will go away.

Last week I decided that I would have to take a risk in human communication to help others define reality as they decided. It was so great that they took the risk. Committed to their own development I guess. It was so powerful, the experience is still in my blood stream like a mainline addict ..........I say without direct experience!

It is vital, it seems to me, that we do not run away from our pain or discomfort. We need to meet it and say hello. Examine it and spend time with it and discover ........ understand.

Last week 12 people worked at this with me. I cannot tell you the details even if I could remember such a tale. It was a journey together of individuals and a group, writing their story to the surprise of others and themselves. They were risk takers with their souls and were saying in some deep sense ....... it is not things that happen 'to' me which are important ...... but those that happen 'in' me. These are the things that shape my life, the imagination, passion, colours ..... all these are now writing the story of my life.
Those things that are in my soul are the important.
This is freedom.
From the inside out

Nelson Mandela said "You are free to be free"
Jesus said " I have come that you might have life"
An ancient philosopher said "The glory of God is a person fully alive"

Every time I try on the the glass slipper of real life, it hurts. It is uncomfortable.
But it is my glass slipper. It fits .............

(I will come back with more on this because, as I write, I am bursting with thoughts ......... and I hope you will do too ................. )


"we are all born with clenched fists but we will all die with opened palms"
So goes a quote, a bit like that, somewhere.

It is the 'pointed finger' person who is aggressive. Usually with raised voice and using the words 'should' and 'aught'
The 'palm person', speaking/ communicating, with the palms showing to the other, is never angry and shouting. It is impossible to put someone down when displaying open palms.

80% of human communication is non verbal.
We exhibit our values in our frame.
We demonstrate our love, or lack of love.

The biggest 'I love you' did not come with a pointed finger saying "you should...."

The biggest 'I love you' was demonstrated with open palms.

....and below ...... I saw that on a tee shirt ..... love it love it......

It is Sunday and bit of all-sorts
Church am
home to Lancashire hot-pot .......the best that creative hands can make
Sunday newspapers, so stinking right wing
looking at life in terms of options for the future ("an unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates)
Rugby League on tv
sheila telephone ' the more I get to know my daughters-the more I understand them ..... bit like God really'
Pete Tong
I need to empty the mind ready for the refill
pack for coming days
smelling the flowers while I can
curry with friends
half a tv movie and..........
now this!

"jesus loves you-but I'm his favorite"

Saturday, October 04, 2003

you are a beautiful human person
"If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Into his nest again,
I shall not live in vain."

- Emily Dickinson, from "The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson" (Boston: Little, Brown, and Company).

Getting home is unpacking and adjusting to the the new pace, home and off work. Unpacking the bag and unpacking with Joan of course.

Then taping Pete Tong is the job so I can keep in the groove over the week-end and next week.

I stroke the cat, wear some less tight clobber, have a fantastic fish meal, wine and follow that with a liqueur and cigar.
The relaxing is great but the team loss is heavy and I must admit, I would be far more relaxed if we had won.

And the email community gets to my soul too. Thanx. I love getting the postman/woman call at all hours.

So tonight I have paused, like pressing a button, like a good sleep, but tomorrow I will refocus and hit the future.



Friday, October 03, 2003

my team lost tonight
worse ...... it was against the pie eaters!
that is us finished for the season
just look fwd to three last playoff games before the season ends

been off line whilst conferencing.
been busy doing stuff there. Firstly a starter for the whole conference .....about 60+ .....lasting an hour. Great .... I thought.

Then there was a workshop with 12. Fantastic experience, and I led it experientially. Powerful it was. I was fulfilled in it and got deep feedback verbally and on paper. It is really good to work with people who are prepared to take risks for their own development, including giving to others at the same time.

The objective was to create an experience so we could firstly connect at the feeling level. Then, from that common/shared experience launch into a process of awareness raising and some skills for life management.

At the end, we had bonded so well, we didn't want to leave that room and each other. hmmm

Wedding anniversary today and 40th, same day, next year.

I feel beautiful.
Beautiful week.
Ugly rugby result.

miss my wi -fi link and non moreso than when I am away like this.
Here am I with so many experiences of buzz .... and cannot get on line with my G4 to click keys for you.

I am with staff from all over the four nations and love these people. I belong here.
Wonderful to be able to talk so free free
To get a kiss from someone not seen for a full year
To re-connect with people who we have jawed with so well in the past.
To run a session which I know will help the whole conference to kick start and build quickly on. Cut the crap and get to real things of the soul quickly.

I love people but I do not like everyone. People at the bottom with little to bring to life choices. I love. I drink.
People who are well able to make a choice, but I don't like that style, YES it is the style which gets up my nose in a secret way. If they chose that style ...... I suppose it is the pretense I feel in some people.

That Simon Cowell in 'pop idol'.
Now he is a one. What a false front he shows. No vulnerability and incompleteness on show. A smug front.
I was like that.
Hope I am not like that.
Am I like that?