Thursday, September 30, 2004

......... "seek the shalom of the city
where I have sent you
because in it's shalom,
you will find your own shalom"

Bible Book
some where in Jeremiah

.......................... there is a man who I see regularly who
never looks my way
never speaks until I say hello
never uses my name
more often a grunt
never eye contact
always the head dropped

this human person
I WILL say
'a beautiful human person'
- will not change my way of
saying hello to everyone
using a name whenever I can recall
looking whilst communicating

I have decided to behave in a certain way and another human will not control my proactive communication by their own behaviour.
I will not be a reactor

I know a woman who is nasty to me
all the time
every interaction

I will be
I will not be
a reactor

There is some deep sense of faith and theology behind this - I must try to understand it sometime.


............... if you are like me - you will appreciate the full transcript of the Bono talk at the Labour Party Conference ...... and i know some background not blogable ........



.....guess - who dis .......?

Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

...... well here i am ..... not packed for paris and have a full day at the Office tomorrow ..... well with BHPs ....... and here i am listening to U2 and planning my holidays with U2 so I can catch them in every european country/concert next year ,,,, no interest in bed ..... even after a busy day ...... and big John helping me with sought after trax and Jude sending me love over the e-waves from her late night workings ....... don't you just love it - love it ........


..... I just wept ...... I admit ........... I read these words from the labour Party Conference ..... and the words of Bono ......

"In the larger sense, I'm here as part of a journey that began in 1984-85, with BandAid and LiveAid.
Another very talll, grizzled rock star, my friend Sir Bob Geldof, issued a challenge to 'feed the world.'

It was a great moment, it changed my life.

That summer, my wife Ali and I went to Ethiopia,
on the quiet, to see for ourselves what was going on.We lived there for a month, working at an orphanage. The locals knew me as 'Dr Good Morning'. The children called me 'The Girl with the Beard.' Don't ask.

But let me say this - Africa is a magical place. And anybody who ever gave anything there got a lot more back. A shining shining continent, with beautiful royal faces… Ethiopia not just blew my mind, it opened my mind.

On our last day at the orphanage a man handed me his baby and said: take him with you. He knew in Ireland his son would live; in Ethiopia his son would die.
I turned him down."


..... Blob Tree ......

Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

...... this is the most famous of the blob illustrations ........ thought you would like to see and wonder .....



Wednesday, September 29, 2004

......... I love the mission of Bono and the music which comes out of U2 and the passion they have ....

He gave it to them today ..........

..... he said at the Labour party conference .....

Tony Blair and Gordon Brown were the John Lennon and Paul McCartney of the global development stage, he said praising their achievements.
But he urged the pair to "finish what they started" and end world poverty.
Britain had a real chance to effect change when it took up the G8 presidency next year, he said.

It's not about charity it's about justice
If a rich country "with the reins of power in its hands" could not lead the fight against world poverty then critics who called him "Labour's apologist" would be right, he said.

The star and global campaigner called for action to combat the spread of Aids and ease Africa's debt burden.

He praised the government's decision to increase its contribution to the global fight against HIV/Aids but said there was more to do.

"I'm fond of Tony Blair and Gordon Brown. They are kind of the John and Paul of the global development stage, in my opinion.

"But the point is, Lennon and McCartney changed my interior world - Blair and Brown can change the real world."

"It's not about charity it's about justice," he said reminding delegates of the thousands dying in Africa for the lack of medicines available in high street chemists in the UK. 'Continent in flames'

He told delegates the fight against world poverty was a cause as noble as when their grandparents fought the Nazis.
He went on: "Africa makes a fool of our idea of justice; it makes a farce of our idea of equality. It mocks our pieties, it doubts our concern, it questions our commitment.

"Because there's no way we can look at Africa - a continent bursting into flames - and if we're honest conclude that it would ever be allowed to happen anywhere else.

"Anywhere else. Certainly not here. In Europe. Or America. Or Australia, or Canada.

"There's just no chance."

He continued: "You see, deep down, if we really accepted that Africans were equal to us, we would all do more to put the fire out.
"We've got watering cans; when what we really need are the fire brigades."
His speech focused on the work of his Debt, Aids, Trade Africa (Data) organisation as well as his backing for a campaign called Make Poverty History.

Bono is the latest in a string of high-profile speakers from around the world to address the annual gathering in recent years, following on from Nelson Mandela, Bill Clinton and Afghanistan president Hamid Karzai.


... one book .......

Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

..... in fact the only one available ..... find out how to get it by emailing;
pip @ pip wilson dot com
(done like this to fool the spammers!)



I have often enthused .....

Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

...... about this fantastic album from one of my most loved artiste.

I never say I recommend but i want to say "I love this album"

"beautiful human"

I could have been in on the briefing ....... I love it love it -LOVE IT!



"There will never be any peace until God sits down at the conference table."

- Nick Lowe,
British songwriter, vocalist, musician, producer, wit, raconteur.
From his song:
"There Will Never Be Any Peace (Until God Sits Down at the Conference Table)."


I saw a couple kissing on a London tube escalator today
I saw an old man eating a Crunchy bar on the London tube today - and his leg had signs of gangrene. (My Mother had two legs amputated)
I was with a young man today and he held his hand up that he had done wrong
I saw six people sleeping in my carriage on the London tube today
I leaped inside, my soul collided with life, when a group of young homeless humans were honest about their emotional pain AND about their hopes and aims in life.

I have felt failure
I have felt glory


Tuesday, September 28, 2004


Gilles Peterson my favourite DJ
Cargo my favourite club

This Thursday

and I can't go

but at the week-end we are going to Paris for four days - that's a long w/e!

Me and Joan have never really been to Paris.
The first time we went was in 1968 when we bought a mini-bus for thirty pounds and took a gang of young life-full young people to the south of France and Switzerland.
We stopped in Paris on the way back and dropped down exhausted for an hour or two before driving the cracking-up bus on the next step home.
All other visits have been with groups of similar kind.

......... but Paris awaits AND for four days - with a puffer train driver at the wheel and champagne on my hand
hey hey.

..... space is fab - tastic - zing to me ...... human space that is.
When on a conference*, as I mentioned recently, it is interesting who people sit with - hang out with - return to after a workshop* or seminar*. Seems to me it is more about comfort.
(* transpose these into your own context too )

When we are hit with lonely moments they are worse, it seems to me, when we did not behave strategically.

Insecurity comes from a lack of strategy.

Feelings still exist but those feelings are related to a strategic decision/mind/theology/mission about our behaviour.
Our instinct is always to return to a comfort zone.
That is fine.

But what about the isolate?
The person at the end of the bar/table/dining room/seating area - who has no comfort zone to return to.
We perpetuate the isolation because we do not think beyond ourselves - group - own comfort.
( add to the list the massive world issues and how we so easily click the remote control handset to jump to another channel when we are feeling uncomfortable - comfort by remote control!)

Development does not reside in those areas of comfort.
They reside - growth resides - when we stretch ourselves strategically to walk the kingdom way - always the road less travelled.

That is
comforting the disturbed.
Disturbing the comfortable.

Sometimes 'we' are the disturbed.
Sometimes 'we' are the comfortable.
Tick one box above .....

There is someone in your street - community - da de da - who is crying out for a wee hello from you ........

...... hello to you tonight and bless you in your discomfort ..........


Monday, September 27, 2004

U2 New Album 11.04

U2 New Album 11.04
Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

........The gang at are busy, busy today and the big news is the release of the track listing for Bomb:

1. Vertigo
2. Miracle Drug
3. Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
4. Love And Peace Or Else
5. City Of Blinding Lights
6. All Because Of You
7. A Man And A Woman
8. Crumbs From Your Table
9. One Step Closer
10. Original Of The Species
11. Yahweh


..... Ola ..... all beautiful ....

..... Ola ..... all beautiful ....
Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

... this is Ola who was at the wedding in Poland and well known to many YMCA peoples - she has been a good friend of Tomek and both out of the Polish YMCA. She has been to Greenbelt and worked on Y Programmes locally ..... it was fab to see her ...... and she has been involved in a film recently ...... hmmm

Sunday, September 26, 2004

.......... my blob friend and artiste special who has been the blob drawer over the years ....... has creatively probed the lyrics of the new U2 single VERTIGO ........ he sees it like this:-

" Some thoughts on the new2 single 'Vertigo:
Imagine walking into a nightclub with a TV screen displaying images of the war in Iraq and a girl dancing on a platform nearby. Perhaps the song was 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'.
Bono sings 'It's everything I wish I didn't know ' and points out that each aspect would affect one's feelings, which is why a nightclub uses them and why he responds.

In the first and second verse an acknowledgement of self awareness is made: 'I wish I didn't know' and 'At least they know'

The last part of the song is reflective upon his own dilemma. Bono has the whole world at his feet: women, world leaders and the music industry. His temptation is to dive into it all and lose his way through life. Just as Jesus was tempted by the devil at the start of his minstry, so each famous Christian is confronted with the world of desire.

Desire depends on feelings, and when they dominate our lives we lose it all, we come crashing to the ground - Vertigo!

True love is true worship is true humility before our Maker, not assuming the dizzy heights of stardom and it's ups and downs.

I'm looking forward to seeing the new album. I've drawn a Blob Vertigo, will send it soon!

Love + Hope + Faith = Life ................."

You can see the lyrics of the song if you scroll through my blogs below.



...... a first -me for the 1st time ...... a pic ...

Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

Anita, Tomek and PIG

Anita, Tomek and PIG
Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

............ not like a traditional English wedding evening. It started with the wedding at 7 and moved along with intensive delights until 5 am!
In between all the courses there was music and dancing and more food. Strange but great - there was no beer, only a sweet/desert red wine, but bottle after bottle of vodka which entertained me alongside the glass after glass of water.

Maybe the best wedding ever .......


.......Poles kiss.....

Poles kiss
Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

..... here are the happy couple ..... Anita and Tomek. I didn't need to ask them to pose for a kiss.
Natural behaviour!
It was a delight to be there and celebrate with them + 100 humans - including Ola (pic to follow) and about ten or so from the UK.

Tomek first came as a volunteer to the ymca where I was living out mission some six/seven years ago. It was him you set me up with which is now defunct. But the email scan spammers will pick this up from here and spam that empty ad for ever - and I AM NOT THERE ANYMORE!!
He then went on to design my original website and he hosts pipwilson dot com. He now has a degree in web design and met Anita over the internet.
I love them dearly .......

..... and it all began in Church ....

the wedding church
Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

...... here we are, just back from Gdyinia Poland. More pix to follow but here is the sign above the church alter RC of course. The Priest looked like a rugby league prop and his non-verbal communication was fab. What he said however? .....??
Joan read the passage on love - 1Corinthians13:v 1-8, fantastically well. It was the only English in the service ....... and she looked fab too.

Friday, September 24, 2004

......... just a late night word before I zzzzz and then go to Poland @ 4 am

....... yesh tesh sponyowee

It is a message to you.
You are a beautiful human person

...... fab fab new stuff about Greenbelt and the YMCA ....... vivid reflections ....

paste this - my fingerclicking friends ............


Freedom ......

Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

..... Greenbelt teee .......

... you are .....

Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

..... this is one of the posters I have developed .... they were produced by me for YMCA England and supplied free to every YMCA ......

.. yes you are .....

.... in Czechia ...

Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

....... this is a snapshot of two beautiful human persons in Litomysl in Czech Republic ..... three hours by coach from Prague.
It was the one of many pix from the YMCA Staff conference last week.

The man in the middle, between the bhps, a rather cold and inflexible male member - some would say like most men ......... !!


..... some key words - the hook - it seems to me ..... from the new U2 single .....

It's everything I wish I didn't know
But you give me something I can feel


Happy Jesus


Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

.. I have had this big framed poster for thirty years as I have moved from different roles in community leadership. 
There is a postcard too.

Some hate it.
I love it, love it, love it!

It reminds me of Vertigo ......



Originally uploaded by Pip Wilson.

... did I tell you I had lunch with the Queen?


............ working at home today ........

JUST now I have got the new U2 single


on my iPod as a separate 3 minutes 12 seconds of heaven.

I have this system which allows me to record radio so I listened to Jo Wiley on BBC Radio One and pressed that instant button.
So here I am with the single on instant play - even before you can download from iTunes music store.

Very interesting that Bono sings
"one two three - fourteen"
in Spanish!!
right at the start of the song hmmm

Also - I think I know what it is about but won't tell ....... read the lyrics on a blog only a short scroll away below this, - let me know if you have a clue what the song is about hmmm

excited boy here ...........

..... just got a book through the post ...... I sometimes get them to review or just read.
This one has got chaters titled;
Kissing in the coffee shop
I shot Nicky Gumble
Me and Will Smith left holding the baby
What women really want

Getting down to bare essentials - it says
I will be reading it as we go to Poland tomorrow.

link is;

............ just heard the new U2 single 'Vertigo' on Radio one.
First play.
Video is in top of the pops tonight.
Lyrics posted below on the blog before I went to bed last night.

.... contain yourself wilson ..............

....... if you paste the line below into your browser;
the issue of the day
have a try?

....... I always seem to blog the day after ......... now it is Thursday but really gone midnight sooooo ...... it is tomorrow.

I don;t know when you click this way but ....... I hope you catch it fresh, there is nothing as bad as a cold cup of tea or a warm pint of larger.

Have you ever been on the motorway - middle lane - and a big white van overtakes you doing 30 miles an hour .......... faster than you and you are at eighty?
Where do they come from?
How do they go so fast?
How drives it?
Is there more than one?
Is it a wild motorway white van-ghost?

When someone I work with snorts down his nose at me - staring through chemical filled eyes .............. a young life, clearly passing to me his disregard and dismissal of me as a human - I pour out words to strive to understand.
So late night - I ponder;
looking at my own feelings
-what feelings are they?
-why am I feeling like this?
-so what, what are the options?

I have to write. Have done so for years. I can go back thirty years to notes that express my feelings. Churning them feelings and turning them into proactive energy.

I poured all this kind of stuff into my first book;
"Feeling Gutted"
(note; my book editor did not know of the words 'feeling gutted' so the book ended up as;
"Gutter Feelings")
It is long out of print - I must top it up with an additional twenty years sometime!

This young life will get the utmost value and respect.
I will look beyond the behaviour to the person weeping from the inside out.
It is the only way.

love .............


loved ....

...... like a little kid that I am - I confess my excitement about the new U2 single, still not heard it, and the forthcoming album - BUT

Here are the lyrics for the new single Vertigo hey hey .....

Unos, dos, tres, catorce

Turn it up loud, captain!

Lights go down
It's dark
The jungle is your head
Can't rule your heart
I'm feeling so much stronger
Than I thought
Your eyes are white
And though your soul
It can't be bought
You might ?be wonder?

Hello, Hello
Ola! (Spanish for Hello)
I'm at a place called vertigo (That's right!)
It's everything I wish I didn't know
Except you give me something I can feel

The night is full of holes
Those bullets rip the sky
Of ink with gold
They twinkle as the boys play rock and roll
They know that they can't dance
At least they know

I can't stand the beat
I'm askin' for the cheque
Girl with crimson nails
Has Jesus 'round the neck
Swinging to the music
Swinging to the music

Hello, Hello
I'm at a place called Vertigo (That's right!)
It's everything I wish I didn't know
But you give me something I can feel

All this, all this can be yours
All of this, all of this can be yours
All this, all of this can be yours
Just give me what I want
And no one gets hurt

Hello, Hello
I'm at a place called Vertigo
Lights go down and all I know
Is that you give me something I can feel
You're teaching me ...aaahhh
Your love is teaching me ...aaaah
How to kneel

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

.... it was our daughters birthday today ...... 23rd September.
She was born in a flat above a Hells Angels y club .......... well, we lived there and Joan took her to hospital before the birth ............. Her name is Ann Grace ....... and I love her and cannot believe that anyone can be such a great human.

Just a little late night reflection which is much deeper than any words .......

................. I love this ......... it rings my bells ............

"Community is
a safe place precisely because no one is attempting to heal or convert you,
to fix you,
to change you.
Instead, the members accept you as you are.
You are free to be you.
And being so free, you are free to discard defences, masks, disguises: free to seek your own psychological and spiritual health."

M. Scott Peck


Thursday, September 23, 2004


.... just paste this into your browser and laugh like me - I am sure ...

.......... hey ..... me again.
Today I was a speaker/interactor/contributor at a launch of a new youth centre. A YMCA is now the charity owner of a tower block of about nine floors and an ex pub at the base. The ex pub is now a youth centre and a fine one too. The whole project is a fab example of a solid mission - Christian mission. It is so wholistic in that it puts Christian principles into practice. Today was the official opening and some fantastic words were expressed by young uns who were loving the ymca and it's new style management.

I did a little talk and used some interactive exercises using blobs pictures. One is a blob bar which was in context with the scene before us. The bar became a youth centre in the interactions. The humans in the bar and in the centre were in the same poses.I wanted to help connect those present with their own experiences as a young person and therefore be more sensitive to the major job the staff and volunteers have before them.

Long days - exciting things.
Lots on my mind and we go to Poland on Saturday and Paris the week-end after. hmm - hmmm



Wednesday, September 22, 2004

........... and hello again to you late night visitors ....... I know you are there and want to say that Willie Williams has yet another few quotes on my second fav U2 website;
and it gives a lengthy quote from a new U2 book ........

"First, U2 are a band who pursue a particular, visceral intimacy with their audience. (Hence, you imagine, Bono's admiration for the Velvet Underground, Patti Smith and Morrissey.) "

Regulars will know I support U2 between albums and during the hot and interesting ones like now. I have gigged with them in the small places when they played for free or little dosh. I have taken groups of teenagers to BBC free radio broadcast gigs and pumped out U2 plasic records from club juke boxes - about thirty years ago.
I love where they are coming from and what they do.

Moving on ...... last week at this conference I had times when I felt lonely.
I want to blog about this because it is a mistake to think that vulnerability is weakness.
On a conference like that I chose not to hang around in groups with humans I work with in several locations. I tend to mix with people from different countries and always hang out with the ones who are on the fringe of the noise and maybe those who spend a little more time than others - with lingering eyes ...... Staring into their warm beer.
That leaves me sometimes between stools.
That leaves me left behind from the crowd.
That leaves me ...... feeling alone and when I am tired I feel it more.
My choice.

Also at conferences and similar events - there is always one person who takes up a central position in the bar/room and gathers humans around with strength of personality and light entertainment.
On the fringe of these humans - usually there is a few others who hang about and hesitate to join the buzzing throng.
In these small groups there is often the best L5 conversations and I love it, love it, love it.

I want to tell you who I am .......

When I got on the plane in Czechia I said to the man in seat A18 ....... I think you are sitting in my seat ....... he then read his A19 ticket out to me ...... and then, then, I spotted the empty seat in front of him, so clearly marked now, and announced "I am having trouble with imperfection ......" as the whole plane seem to laugh .... I smiled too .....

I am telling you who I am ..........

sprinklings of stardust be upon you now and forever ......


Tuesday, September 21, 2004

.................... last week I led a workshop in Czechia called;
Human Being
Human Becoming

(If you were in that group or know someone who was - can you send me a pic via email so I can put faces to names please? I would like to keep in contact)
I am so bad at names and we were only together for about 90 minutes.

I want to thank these beautiful humans for attending and being willing to give so much trust to me as the leader and to the rest of the bhps present. Thank you for being willing to attempt to do great things within such a short time. Full of wonder, even more, because one human could not speak any English and I spoke no Finnish!
The process used the Level Five Model which I use in my books.
It is a communication tool which can help anyone who wants to develop authentic relationships, helping relationships and even the vital personal relationships.
We did a short journey through the five levels. The co-operation was outstanding and the communication so SO powerful.
It was a joy and a privilege to be with these special humans and share at such a level - so quickly in terms of time. It displayed a willingness and trust. It demonstrated that, having given permission to each other, they would share the deepest things within a climate of trust and confidentiality.

The objectives of the session were;
-To conduct an experiential exercise.
-To create a reality of L5 sharing
-To ensure we communicated from our deepest soul and not defensive opinions and head knowledge generally.
-To use the powerful feeling present to develop the skills and awareness of 'clocking' our own feelings.
-To use those personal experiences to enable us to manage life with emotions - better - and become more whole.
-To introduce a Transactional Analysis as a tool for building relationships and managing putdowns and difficult behaviour of many kinds.

To those not there in the room with us on that special Saturday day - we did, in a short time, lots of journeying which I go on about in this blog so often.
I want to journey with you - as you click towards me - and others who I encounter when I do sessions in differing circumstances.
Life is too good and beautiful to reject this road less travelled.

Stay close and we will keep on this journey together as God places his unique finger print on our soul ....................


Sunday, September 19, 2004

....... my beautiful human mate gets a good mention in the UK Sunday Newspaper 'The Observer" today as I get back to reality.

-- Zoo TV and PopMart -- designed by Willie Williams..... that's the man ....... and they say;-

"On an evolutionary scale, the shows designed by Williams might be said to represent a highly developed form of rock theatre, calling on inspiration and influence from a range of media from fine art to advertising by way of cinema and opera."

...... and another slice here ..... and if you want you can pick up the full article on .......

"Zoo TV started as an indoor arena tour in America and Europe, between February and June 1992. Willie then brought in the set design team of Mark Fisher and Jonathan Park to help him realise the big outdoor version, called Zoo TV Outside Broadcast in North America, which came to Europe as Zooropa, and subsequently went on to Australasia and Japan. The idea that the whole Zoo TV concept could be open to ongoing adjustment was central to its vision, and part of the agility of Zoo TV's concept lies in the production's awareness of itself, and the honed acuity of its dialogue with the audience."

I love all these guys and there is now a build up to a new single in November AND then an album to change my life ......... and yours .......

you are beautiful .........

...... I am back from Czechia and feel tired after a coach, an airport wait a plane a horrible LHR and then an hour or so drive to get home in 11 hours. Better than outward which seems like double that.

Have much to reflect upon but tired in the head from a week of non-stop interactions.
And a few workshops led.

Much to reflect and will do soon .............. sorry I have been off-blogg for a couple of days ............

......... if I was with you now - I would say
"you are beautiful"



Friday, September 17, 2004

..........the Danish deligation led the devotions this morning here in Litomysl.

They said that their new hymn book was complained about because it included a line about God being a handicapped person with no hands.
They changed it to say
"you are the hands of God ......"

I like that.
We are God with skin on.
If that does not make sense, there is a story downpage from here about 'God with skin on'.

Beautiful human
see you later ...............

....... are you sitting uncomfortably?

Me here in Czechia ...... and if you have emailed me with no answer ..... I am off line on pip da wilson @ ............ I cannot get my mactop on line due to my technoignorace ...... and I have just been told that the computer room will not be available to bloggers like me ...... so this maybe the last one till sunday.
Heaven is not a place for retired christians but a place to worship God.
As long as it is not Charismatic worship I will be happy.

It is fantastic here to say the Lords Prayer every morning with about 120 others saying it in their Mother Languages ..... about 20 different languages .. ........ the diversity ... it is great and makes the feel humble .........

I will struggle in my last workshop I lead to go to some depth with people who cannot speak English. It is real - yet to go to some depth with limited time ....... I don't know how to do it ...... so I will just do it .......

TRY ...... reminds me of the Bugge Wesseltoft track often mentioned here .....

thanx for clicking this way .....
I leave you by reaching out my finger tip towards your unique self ......


Wednesday, September 15, 2004

...... 1.50 pence for three bigger than pints-larger hmmm.

That is Czech land ..... and stiull is.

Itis great to have a discussion group here with humans from;
UK ..... that's me - from the world really.

Yes still here in Czech and bobbing into the computer room (pc ..... strange computers)
So it is coffee again and I clicking a bit before doing the sipping.

I have a day of involement today - not leading anything but going to all then workshops - and love the meeting of the humans more than the content - most times.
The other days I am doing funky stuff.

I am aware that I am thinking that
growth and development does not reside in our comfort zones.
The challenge is to lead sessions which stretch in a safe environment and not do things which take people too far too quickly.

I also want to be outside my comfort areas of life ......

Click on Jill scott dot com for a dash of music - if you have not got the album yet

.............. one of the good things about a 12 -13 - 14 hour journey is listening to music on my iPod ........ I listened to three two hour programmes and managed a litttle talk with humans.

1 dj fitz from 1xtra - a fab gospel/music/hiphop show
2 gilles me man peterson - seems like a friend because I have listened to hiom for yonks
3 zane lowe = and elctric guitar man mainly - the rock kind of stuff on R1 mon to thurs and I like his style and some of his music

Lots of things on my mind soul head ....... one thing to click about was - I did the opening session for the conference of multi national ymca people - 120 and many who had travelled longer than me - even.
It was a move around - game - activity -buzz talk and kick off session which may seem to be thrown together.
The truth is - I spent a lot of time getting the flow as best poss - for the tired and difficult with english people. To be non-threatening.
To have fun
to stretch
to be becoming

think it was good and a few have said that but
lots think I don't need encouragement coz I am the man with the mike and the jokes and games.
I think it went well - the feel I good about it .........

we are kicking.

...............I am in Czech and missed a day on the blogging machine because I was up at stinking 3.30 to drive to Heathrow and travel travel ........... we only got to the centre here at 7 or after so ....... so long stinking day and no blogging pip.

Now got a lot of things to say but I am in a little internet room and it is coffee break AND I NEED COFFEE ..............

I have noticed that there is a button on the pc and not on the mac which lets me highlight links for you like

never doner that before so see if it works eh??

........ will sign off and get back to you ........ you beautiful human

and I need to tell you that Zig is a beautiful non-human


Monday, September 13, 2004

I was talking to this human there was a most beautiful expression of feelings. pain joy discovery

Why am I afraid to tell you who I am
because if I tell you who I am
and you don't like who I am
that is all I have.

That is the title of my favourite book of all time and
it has been for some years.
Above is the title on the 'back' cover.

The front cover calls it;
"Why am I afraid to tell you who I am"

That discovery of 'who I am' has been fantastic.
Still is.
It is ongoing.
It is the greatest journey.

I am here.
If we can be in touch with 'who I am'
that means
knowing we are feeling something
clocking it
taking it to the head
into our brain
into the centre
the soul
THEN we can begin to really work on life
own pain
own failure
own weakness
own richness
own skills
own awareness
own experiences
own beauty

Owning the beauty of creation
it vital

I was talking to this human
there was a most beautiful expression of feelings.

Yes I was with this human and a delight it was.
I learn as the human drags my eyes as I want to catch every expression
every word
the lip movements
the brow
the hands
use of my name

Now I can see another human
I was there
I heard the words

"I feel like sticking him"
"I feel like sticking him"
These words were dragging my eyes to the demonstrated stabbing movements
I did not want to see
stabbing movements
and the facial expression
repeated words
repeated stabbing movements
repeated twisted facial pain.

I have to be with both humans
to miss any one would be not owning life as it is.

If there is a step into clocking
them feelings
there is light
a journey through a tunnel


...... and didn't I say that Kanye West was extreme in talent?

This item talks about how lots of recent recordings are 'spiritual' in content.
And up front a pic of me-man Kanye .........

Sorry I cannot provide a blue line so you can click direct to the link grrrrrrrr

..... I have clicked about my away time this week ...... six days in Litomysl a small town about two hours outside of Prague. I have been there before and met some mst wonderful bhps.
I remember 'the tee shirt' gang - I called them. They were runners for the conference I was at. A gang of beautiful young adults and we connected fab lastic full ....... two of them ended up on my late show/rolling show team for the festival we did in 40 degrees Prague last summer.

There is a YMCA conference centre there - right in the town centre in a castle - wow. I hope it is a castle with wi-fi so I can keep clickin at ya.

I feel bad when I don't trickle out a blog everyday. It is for you and for me. There is now so many clicking my site (as well as you) - I feel a responsibility and try to be honest and true about all things turning me on/off/round/up/down/high/low/sick/sad shake it all about.

Reminds me of a funeral I went to of the man who wrote the song 'hokey kokey'.
They had difficulty getting him in the coffin.
Every time they put his left leg in .........


Sunday, September 12, 2004

...... today
bleary eyes - my fault
great sermon
Sue - see below

Mr Singh and me at Costa coffee for a catch up
(my updated and sponee new web-site will have a true story about Mr Singh - great man)

Home to put DJ Fitz on my iPod following his Sunday morning gospel show on 1xtra
load da car
horrible traffic
a kiss on the cheek of a beautiful daughter and television director - all one person
a brief discussion with her man about Everton - strange round ball game sport

and shorter boring traffic jam to get another daughter kiss and globe trotter stylist - both the same person.
And PTG top man chef ....... what a man.
Then a treat of a meal and conversation which lasted for hours with only a little wine (boring traffic problem for me only) and a visit from dozens of wroes and another great conversation and pix of course. hmmm
I had not seen Joy for weeks/months due to her work and mine I guess. Lovely grub

Between those bricks laid out to paint a picture of the day-in-the-life of me and Joan there is much mortar. All this is the binding and essential layers of relationships with people who I love and love me - accept me - no stabs in the back - no conversations about drugs or drink or violence ............. which will equip me to be able to stand in more difficult places during the coming weeks ......

Thanx for listening and touching your finger tips as you reach this way .....

you are special ...........

....... tonight I ask for prayers if you are the praying kind.
If you are not.
I have no problem in you starting now.

I would like you to pray for Sue who has had a tumour removed in the past weeks and tomorrow starts a six months course of treatment.
I don't know what to pray but I believe that God loves her as much as you and me.

We sat alongside each other today in Church and we sung this together;

Father-like, he tends and spares us
well our feeble frame he knows
In his hands he gently bears us


Saturday, September 11, 2004


It is important that I am the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

It is important that you are the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

....... have you bought

..... I cannot for the life of me think there can be any better album for me this year

I am living my life like it's Golden ..........

....... one of the last things I do before I go to bed at night, when I am at home, is carry a black and white bundle of warm fur to bed in the kitchen.
Zig is his name.
I love him.
He does not give me much affection.
He walks close to my legs and brushes himself against me sometimes.
Never jumps on my knee.
I love him.
He ignores my advances most times.
Then sometimes he jumps at my legs as I pass with a (rugby league) tackle.
I still love him.

I don't love the people I know and spend time with because they respond just like I would like them to.
They have their own way.
I would like much more love shown.
I love it I love it.

But there is enough of you that trickle out some love in verbal and other means - that helps me believe that God has skin on in 2004.

Some of you pour with a large NVC.

I am tired and yet I want to tell you about the special things of the day.
Like meeting someone who does express love and and warmth and communication which is clear.
No brushing against the legs below knee level and keeping distant until felt needs are on view.
I need the balance of humans and thankfully I am in a delightful position to largely get that.
Do you?

I turn the fan on because I am hot through passion or a hot computer!

I will blog again tomorrow as I have kept the day free for catch up;
-preparing for my workshops in the Czech Republic
-catching up burning a great CD or two
-clearing my in box planning for the next two weeks
-packing the big red suitcase with the big knickers and tights and blob trees (if you don't get what I am on about - see 'Games without Frontiers' and other self penned books)
-getting the iPod packed and ready for a good fab conference

The Saints had a tough game against Leeds tonight and lost.
Only just.
A good sign as we enter the play-offs and a good chance to come up as winners at the Big - so big - Grand Final in October.

Must go and knock out some zedz .....................zzzzzzzzzzzz

Thanx for being there ........................ I can feel those finger tips on mine ........ especially when I am feeling the rejection of the big warm furry black and white bundle ..........


Friday, September 10, 2004


......... the best website for me for you for all for U2 news is



Thursday, September 09, 2004

......... don't read this if you want your comfort to be disturbed
........ do read this if you want your disturbed to be comforted

I have to take this from the f word project
It disturbed me at Greenbelt
photoes and words on cards

I blogg about it below.
I want you to feel it
recommend you read not scan.

It is one of many that I read at Greenbelt
and there are more
visit the link at the bottom of this page
and please read one more real story
if you are willing

reading the story starts now ...............

Camilla Carr & Jon James
In April 1997, Camilla Carr, 45, and her boyfriend, Jon James, 43, went to Chechnya to set up a rehabilitation centre for traumatised war-children. Three months later they were taken hostage by Chechnyan rebels. Their ordeal lasted 14 months, during which Camilla was repeatedly raped by one of her jailers.

Camilla Carr
Rape is a terrible violation of a human being. I will never forgive the act, yet I can forgive the man who raped me; I can feel compassion for him because I understand the desperate place he was coming from.

That’s not to say I condone what our captors did to us (the physical and psychological abuse was appalling), and if I met them now I’d want to ask all of them, “Did you have any idea how much you were harming us?” But I still understand the desperation that caused them to do the things they did.

As soon as we were taken hostage we decided to take the line of least resistance, because our four captors were so clearly traumatised by the war. If we’d shown anger or sadness they could have reacted with violence.

After several weeks in captivity one of them – an ignorant and wounded person who we named Paunch – took the opportunity to rape me. The only way I could get through this horror was by thinking to myself, “You can never touch the essence of me – my body is only part of who I am.”

He raped me many times, but mostly I was able to cling on to this detached state of being. He always did it when he was alone and I didn’t dare tell the other captors in case it gave them the idea of gang rape. This went on until I got herpes, which gave me the strength to say no. Paunch asked me to explain why. With a dictionary I shakily pointed out, “No sex, no violence”. I couldn’t take any more. He said he just wanted to be my friend! In his own way he was apologising. He stopped raping me and instead he would talk about his dreams.

We were released in September 1998. Initially I seemed to be doing well. We were basking in the euphoria of freedom and love from our family and friends. Then two months later I collapsed. I couldn’t stop crying and had no energy. This lasted a few weeks, but it wasn’t until 2001, when Jon and I moved to Wales, that I found the space and silence to let go and surrender to weakness and vulnerability. Only this way could my nervous system finally heal.Some of our Chechnyan friends can’t understand how we can forgive. They feel tarnished with the guilt of their community. I tell them that I believe forgiveness begins with understanding, but you have to work through layers to obtain it. First you have to deal with anger, then with tears, and only once you reach the tears are you on the road to finding peace of mind.

Jon James
I had a horrible feeling as Paunch took Camilla next door. I heard a few muffled words, then silence, and an awful wave of realisation hit me. I felt sick. I was powerless to take any physical action since I was handcuffed to the heating pipes. The only tool available was prayer. I prayed that the invasion would be swift and painless.

Throughout our ordeal I continued to hold back my emotion, as I had learned from practising martial arts that to overcome your opponent you should meet hardness with softness. Knowing this saved my life. But in my dreams I murdered Paunch several times.

We’d do yoga and Tai Chi every morning and survived by the skin of our teeth. I got punched around and there was a lot of mental torture, even a mock execution at one point when we were certain we would die.

After our release we needed space. We’d been stuck together like glue for 14 months. We were both so used to supporting each other we had to learn to stand alone again. For a long time I experienced anxiety and a lot of physical pain. Like Camilla I’ve come to an understanding of where our captors, and where her violator, were coming from. Not many people in this world do stuff out of pure maliciousness. But it’s taken me a long time to get to a point where I can think about what happened without feeling a charge of negative energy.


#GroupWork - some questions to open hearts and develop confidence.


I led a group recently 
which rolled through discussion and 
it was like a flower bed full of flowers 
ALL opening up to the sun.
I love it love it ......

I asked three questions to about a dozen mainly young humans, all full of life and living on the edge - maybe you could say - the bottom rung .....

It would be good if you could do this and, 
just maybe - just maybe, you could email me your answers .... ...........

You may have picked up one or more of them before, 
if you have clocked my blogs and 
been around for sometime, 
but getting a roll on with the three questions can be special.

1 There are two doors ahead of you - blocking your journey.
One says 'instant perfection' the other says 'gradual growth'
Which door will you chose and why?

The responses to this was fab. 
The learning as different one made comments about, 
if they were perfect, - and how life would be. Fab fab.
One good comment was - 
"if I was perfect I would not have any satisfaction any more".

Have a think - ask someone around you.

2 This is called IN THE SWIM
You are on the beach.
What is your usual behaviour?
one - do you stand on the beach 
just looking and and viewing the scene?
two - do you put your toe in the water 
to test the temperature?
three - do you enter the water slowly and 
get used to the temperature and then start to swim?
four - do you dive right in?

Be honest NOW before you read on.

The group last week really looked at themselves 
as individuals and were honest.
Right - the next question is ......

? How does the answer to the above, - 
how you behave when swimming, 
relate to the rest of your life ?
Do you dip into the things of life
wade in slowly
dive right in
....... think of the four options.
This relates to work, study, relationships, decisions, faith, ................

Ask people around you and find a fab fab discussion.

3 The last question.
When did you become an adult?
That is it - no definitions - just that straight question.

The answers are fab fab. Someone said it was;
When I was kicked out of home by a stepfather 
and had to sleep in a car and then the street.
I said;
When I was about forty and I accepted myself 
for the first time instead of saying all the time - 
if only I was good looking - 
if only I was educated - 
if only I was slim and not fat - 
if only if only if only .......... 
(that is where the BHP came from)
Your answer will be powerful to you and moreso 
if you say it to someone because 'saying' it 
makes it concrete. 
Otherwise it can stay as a vague thought and not really real.
Ask humans around you that one too. 
wow - things around you can be different ........
...... as a result.

humans being
humans becoming .............

life to be continued ...............................