Saturday, March 30, 2013

Remebering FOREVER on Easter Day

  alcoholic at birth
  mothers addiction
  father loss disaster later
  fateful crack overdose
  and years of homes
  sometimes called 'care'

  mother herself
  all too young
  very young
  without parental models
  sometimes called 'it's the parents fault'

  raped and abused
  abused and robbed
  fragmented like hell
  sometimes called 'tormented'

  drugs and crime
  crime and drugs
  suck the life
  drain the soul
  shred the person
  sometimes called 'deprivation'

  ymca hostel
  mission to care
  mission to support
  mission to develop
  sometimes called 'hope'

  as thin as a rake
  loud and screaming
  tearful and down
  always a name call
  always my name
  sometimes called 'erratic'

  drugs on
  off drugs
  relationships on
  chemical relationship on
  struggle to sustain
  loved and hated
  sometimes called 'dependent'

  alone on her own
  found on her own
  died on her own
  lay still on her own
  only chemical friends
  sometimes called 'overdose'

  tears of the crowd
  loss in community
  death lurks us all
  quiet at last
  tears run silent
  sobs rack deep
  world loses a character
  sometimes called 'bereavement'

  how do I feel
  the feelings are deep
  she was driving blind
  foot on disaster
  hard as nails
  fragile and bruised
  beautifully broken
  sometimes called 'love'

  creator loved
  creator loves
  precious child
  valuable life
  loss loss loss
  sometimes called 'a waste'

  never lived
  only survived
  we need to care
  in life
  before death
  we need to love
  more-so the broken
  more-so the damaged
  more-so when it's impossible
  more-so before it is too late
  sometimes called 'reflective learning'

  let these little ones
  come to me
  of such
  the kingdom of heaven
  the master said
  the master repeats
  when it matters
  he retains the loving
  continues the loving
  the creator of love
  keeps showing us
  teaching us
  demonstrating to us
  sometimes called
  'eternal love
  everlasting love
  to a person
  for a person
  we will remember eternally and everlasting'

  pip wilson 

She was found dead on Easter Day.

Vancouver Airport in 6 seconds

Canada. Why I LOVE YOU.

Yes. Airport homebound.
15 days in Canada for first time. I have seen the beauty here. The humans.
So impressed by their passion commitment desire openness energy and rock and roll.
I could truthfully spend weeks with them all on the road less travelled.
Giving my all and mutual learning.
With the little humans
Professional humans
Older humans
Street humans
First Nation humans .....
I learn from them all as I journey
And delight in it


WORDS for the MIND - MUSIC for the SOUL.


Music and People

Greenbelter Jen Logan is a student at Kings College London, studying Christianity and the Arts. Here, she considers the power of listening to music in groups…
When I am at a music festival, I find it hard to imagine how any other art form other than music could produce an equivalent devotional response within a large collective of people.
It’s probably a commonplace now to point out that music tends to be the first delight for humans, who, as babies have stronger aural faculties than oral or visual, as these are more dependent upon cognitive development. The rhythms and repetitions of a mother’s reassurances must stay with those of us who received it, throughout our lives and account for the deeply therapeutic and emotive nature of music.
But I think there is something more to it than that.
Music has no space. Music lives in time alone and as Abraham Heschel tells us, time is the one thing that cannot be siphoned off to individual and exclusive ownership as space can (through property and ownership).  So to experience music together with others, is a heaven-like event. Music creates unity among people by giving form to a dimension that we tend to experience as formless – and therefore by its abstraction – differently. Monks, I suspect might feel time as something un-rushed, untyrannical and rhythmic. But this will not be everyones experience. Yet when a piece of music is listened to together, each of us are experiencing time in the same way, and therefore feel that it has true form.  The collective tap of the foot or the clap of the hand reaffirms that we are experiencing – while the song lasts – time together. Music then, is able to give a group of people, an experience of unification that transcends interest of any kind. It therefore creates a true fellowship that is immune from the kinds of diplomatic appearances of fellowship that pervade our human exchanges so typically borne out of interests for accumulating or as Heschel writes, ‘conquering’ space.
The public performance of music and the experience of shared hearing of it is a Sabbath experience. It relates to our nature as being and while the song lasts, suspends our concern for the inherent ‘unfinishedness’ of our work life. As T.S Eliot wrote in The Dry Salvages, You are the music while the music lasts. Yet, for Christians, it is more a celebration than a suspension, as music gives imaginative expressive form, to the life ‘hidden with Christ’ that comes from the truly ‘finished’ nature of his redemptive work in us.

Learning Vulnerability the hard way.

....... the story. My story....... 
I have sometimes communicated in this blog dipping place, and you who may have read about it if you have clicked this way before.

I have told about when I was working in the East End of London. 
Working with youth street gangs giving my all beyond breaking point.
Demanding it was. 
Giving it was.

My Mother was about to enter hospital to have her legs amputated - one above the knee, one below the knee. 
Here I was in East London, in the most deprived community in the nation working with beautiful humans who were deep into crime and enjoying violence and .......... my Mother was due to enter hospital over 200 miles away.

I was sat near the snooker table in the club.
Back to the wall.
I always sit with my back to the wall.

The young humans I work with had heard about my Mother and of what was about to happen.
I was subdued that evening and not my usual bustling, bouncy, verbal self.
As I sat with my back to the wall near to the snooker table - one of the toughest of the gang members walked around the table a couple of times. Walking ever so slow - walking ever so closee - but not stopping .....
Then, as he walked past me again, and as he did he just stroked my hair away from my forehead and walked on.
........... that was the point when the sobs rose from my chest as I felt it - that act of beautiful tenderness ....... As I click these keys now tears fill my eyes - again.

I choked, I think, because I was at a depth of vulnerability I felt and I connected with those feelings - felt that.
Also it was because I connected with the act of non-verbal sensitivity, gentleness and kindness pouring out of an inarticulate frame of a tough and violent young man.
I remembered it now and it moves my soul ..........

I learned a lot from that incident of care. 
That incident was not a chosen moment of vulnerability.

But I learned that it is a mistake to see vulnerability as a weakness.
Vulnerability is all about disclosing the authentic me.

Since then I have chosen, and tried my best, to reveal my vulnerability. 
Not because I am submissive (instead of assertive) or in Child ego state (instead of Adult ego state).
It is part of the process of me 'telling you who I am'.
It has driven my sensitivity towards 'the least' 'the underside' and many beautiful humans I spend time with regularly who some say have 'special needs' .......... .......haven't we all?

So with the people we work with - some people call them clients, and those we work alongside - some say colleagues ..... it seems to me that we need to practice the naked act of sharing when we feel life experiences ...... both the roses and the thorns.

The one who came and shared and walked and hurt and wept alongside human kind ......... he who was rich became poor ....... HE was the one who, powerful enough to turn water into wine and make a blind man see, chose strategically to show his vulnerability even unto .......... Beautiful Perfection......

.......... the thorns ............

             Dance like no-one is watching
             Sing like no-one is listening
             Love like you have never been hurt.

Goodbye beautiful Canadian Humans

Victoria BC at dusk.

6 seconds of beauty.

Friday, March 29, 2013

My song is love unknown

My song is love unknown,
My Savior’s love to me;
Love to the loveless shown,
That they might lovely be.
O who am I, that for my sake
My Lord should take, frail flesh and die?

Found dead on Easter Day.

We will remember.

Greenbelt 2013 Life Begins: More Lineup

Shobana Jeyasingh Dance

Greenbelt 2013 Life Begins: More Lineup Announced

We’re pleased to announce further lineup news for our 40th festival, taking place this August. We’re building a uniquely Greenbelt bill – reflecting our history, while looking to the future, asking questions and provoking discussion, and guaranteeing festivalgoers moments of encounter, insight and revelation… The following names join Amadou & Mariam, Lemar and all the other acts announced last month...
We are extremely pleased to welcome a performance of world class modern dance from Shobana Jeyasingh Dance, a company renowned for their adventurous and experimental style – approachable, innovative and diverse.
On Mainstage, we welcome back the always thrilling London Community Gospel Choir, introduce Mercury-nominated folk sensation Sam Lee, and go back to the very beginning with The Fat Band, the blues act containing some of the key founding members of Greenbelt.
Plus, a welcome return for folk’s most unlikely megastars Folk Onand dance your cares away with Silent Disco
We’ve got ideas and discussion fuelled by the likes of Dave AndrewsRose Hudson WilkinSami AwadFr Christopher JamisonMargaret HebblethwaiteJohn Bell and John Caputo.
Plus Dr Laura Zahra McDonaldDr Martin GlynnJeremy MoodeySimon Mouatt, and Sue Pickering.
For children and families, Simon Mayo introduces his second novelItch Rocks, Greenbelt favourite The Family Twist with Paul Cookson returns, plus magic from Steve Price, and creative interactive theatre in Claytime
For Greenbelt youth, there’s a scriptwriting session with writerFrank Madone
And Greenbelt continues to represent the whole gamut of worship experience, with everything from Jazz Church to Messy Church, and even a special 40th birthday session of Beer & Hymns
Tickets are now on sale, with a discount of up to 15% available if you order before Tuesday 30 April. Click here to visit the Box Office »

..drinking from his cup And sharing his burger.

The Last BK

He looked like he’d lost a pound and found a penny.
He wanted the normal box meal
But said he’d go large on the Pepsi.
He took a handful of straws.

When I next looked up (it was a busy night)
He was surrounded by a gang of mates.
Funny thing was, they all seemed to be drinking from his cup
And sharing his burger.

I was going to tell the manager.
After all, if they come in here,
They can’t eat someone else’s food, can they?
We’ll go out of business.

Just then, one of the gang got up and walked out.
He looked real guilty.
Then the girl arrived.
The one who was living rough, on the streets.
You can spot ‘em –and smell ‘em - a mile off.

She went up to him and gave him a brand new iPod.
He was choked.
His mates accused her of nicking it
But she said it was kosher, she’d earned it.
I overheard her say, with a smile:
‘You can listen to it when they stick you in the cells.’

Then he said to all of them:
‘This is it.  The last BK.
We won’t meet again like this
Until my Dad takes us all out for a feast.
Stick together – it’s going to be a long night.’

He spilled some ketchup on his hands
But the girl wiped it clean for him.
They looked at each other
Like they were sharing a secret.

Then the cops arrived
And he was bundled out into a big black van.
One of his mates pulled out a knife but he shouted at them:
‘Put it away. It’s not what we’re about.’

The manager spoke to the cops out front.
Apparently, his mate had grassed him up.
He was about to blow up the American embassy, or something. 
Terrorist suspect. (Later though, I heard he was stitched up.)

While I was clearing his table
I found his iPod in the corner, behind a chair.
The first song was ‘You’ve got the love’ by Florence and the Machine:

“Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord, I just don't care"
But you've got the love I need to see me through

Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough
And things go wrong no matter what I do
Now and then it seems that life is just too much
But you've got the love I need to see me through

When food is gone, you are my daily meal
When friends are gone, I know my Saviour's love is real
Your love is real.”

I never saw him again.

Thanx to Peter Barrett for the creative writing.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Blobology = BLOB TREE TOOLS communication without words


24 hours in VANCOUVER.

Colliding with Jen and Richard in Vancouver. Such great catching up.

I asked them to retell their love story. It is so wonderful and I found out so much more details.
I had journeyed with them through the years but at a distance.
Now I have the unedited version and loved their faces as the relived their early encounters and add on feelings from the now. ALL EXPRESSED with intense beauty.
I wished I had filmed it so I could re watch and listen. Loved it.
Love them deeply.
Not seen them for 5 whole years.

THANX you guys for driving from Seattle and hanging out for 24 hours.
YouAreABeautifulHumanPerson x 2

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Save 20% off BLOB TREE TOOLS/BOOKS using coupon code VERNUM offer ends March 31 11:59 PM.

Real Passion.

About a week ago I woke up feeling sorry for myself.
Didn't last long.
The thought process clicked in and through my dim awakening head.

Decisions made in the past are my/our decisions.
Nobody else's
Repercussions follow and I have no regrets

When I was 25 and Joan 21
we got married.
Me became we.
We had been kissing for three years.
(First date at the Cavern Club with Beat groups on the bill
one of them called Beat-les)

When I was 26 and Joan 22
(you can read all this in Gutter Feelings
my first book
and still available by a deep trawl of the internet).
Joan and me moved on and away..

So at 26 I left behind my engineering
and hometown
and went off to be House-parents in a Prison for children.
Burning bridges behind
but never relationships.
never faith.

We have lived in accommodation with the job
every step
five different pins on the GPS map
residential work - always with young humans
always living on the edge
me and them.
29 years.

No regrets.
From being a fat uneducated working class lad
I have moved in faith and profession
beyond my expectations x 7.
In awareness and skill.
Scars and learning in synergy.

My faith has changed.
Somehow the conservative bubble burst.
Someone greater than me
holding the pins.

I became radical.
Left behind the words 'should' and 'aught'
journeyed into a place called uncomfortable
where growth resides.

My awareness changed
my skills changed.
Life has been wondrous - joy and tears flowed mingled down.
University of Life
The best qualifications always the scars.

I have discovered some of the wonders
of emotion
of spirituality
of Loveology
of deep relationships
of living taking the mask off
of communicating with Blob Tree blobs
of being sick with fear
of fumbling into group work
of having teeth knocked out
of stumbling into training
of one set of footprints in the sand
of the essential need for team work
of creating developmental exercise
of learning how to weep at injustice
of learning how to sit in the gutter
of always living with change as normal
of learning how to feel for and with the bruised
of learning that I have only learned a bit ......................

I don't want to settle down
I realise I am getting older
Only my body!
Maybe not as long in the hours as I used to be.

But it is time for change and I know it.
Now determination is set in
Journey locked in the GPS
but do not know the destination.
An divine sat nav to have faith in.
Not only about the journey
and turn by turn navigation
but also
the destination.

As it started as two x MEs
becoming one = WE.
so be it
as it was
also it shall be.

the Passion


How strange that we ordinarily feel compelled to hide our wounds when we are all wounded.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Hunger: the shocking truth

Enough Food For Everyone If

Hunger: the shocking truth

The world has enough food for everyone, yet not everyone has enough food to live.

The current ENOUGH FOOD FOR EVERYONE IF campaignstrives to raise awareness of the global hunger crisis so that we are all, alongside 100 organisations, urging world leaders to act by putting global hunger firmly on the agenda at the G8 meeting in June 2013. *As you may know, the UK Government has just announced that it is keeping its promise to spend 0.7% of national income on aid. A great first step.*
Joanna Callender, intern for the Christian Aid Collective, tells us how she has been involved in spreading the message of the campaign through a massive paint fight. You can see the videohere »
A few weeks ago I took part in a powder paint fight which is helping to raise awareness of global hunger. Confused? Initially, so was I….
“If you can keep your head about you when all are losing theirs…”
This is the opening line from Rudyard Kipling’s famous poem; If. You might’ve heard of it. The word ‘If’ is central to the ENOUGH FOOD FOR EVERYONE IF campaign to end world hunger.
This year, 100 organisations are joining together to spread the message that there is enough food for everyone. Extreme poverty doesn’t occur because our planet is over populated, but it is caused by the way food is grown, distributed and consumed. But solving this problem can only happen if we get involved.
“If you can take one leap to make IF happen, and fill your mission for justice with friendship and laughter…”
This is why I found myself covered in paint on a Saturday afternoon. I’d never participated in a paint fight before. The idea was a little alien, but I quickly found that it’s exactly what you’d imagine. Dressed in boiler suits, we had cups of powder paint that we threw at each other.
By the end of it we looked pretty impressive. And we’d had an afternoon of fun and laughter that we wouldn’t forget. But it was more than just a paint fight – we were creating a piece of artwork with a difference. The finished film, contains a reworking of Kipling’s poem, If. It’s challenging us to join in. We, as young people, have a voice that can change our world.
“If you never tire of speaking out with passion; and dream big, but not make dreams your master…”
The reason I found myself there in the first place was because I decided last year that I wanted to challenge myself to fight for justice.
I’m interning with the Christian Aid Collective – a network of young people who want to challenge the world we live in, and end extreme poverty. That’s why we got involved with ENOUGH FOOD FOR EVERYONE IF. That’s why I found myself in a paint fight.
There would be enough food for everyone IF; Companies stop dodging tax, we stop landgrabs for biofuels, there is greater government transparency over their involvement in the food chain and continuing commitment to provide aid.
Raise your voice and get involved in support of the ENOUGH FOOD FOR EVERYONE IF campaign. You can sign to show your support for the campaign here and check out our website for updates and resources to use at school, university, in your church or youth group and at the dinner table.
“Yours is the earth and everything in it; enough for you, for everyone.”

A bit more from Joanna about interning for the Christian Aid Collective

Interning with the Collective means stepping outside of your comfort zone and doing things you’ve never done before (for me, that includes being pelted with paint but also a trip to Zimbabwe, campaigning outside the government and finding myself talking on a podcast…) But, more importantly, it’s also ten months where you get to be part of a charity who are striving to make a difference in over 50 countries. I’ve found myself growing in enthusiasm and becoming more passionate about justice. It has challenged me and made me recognise that we’ve all got a part to play.
Applications are open for next year’s interns – fancy joining in?

Saints and Snow

Saints and Snow ... and I will be away still in Canada missing another game in my favourite Rugby League. That will be three games and including this Friday the big local battle with the Pie Eaters - sometimes called Wigin.

I will miss the game. Will only get the result online - come on the Saints.





Missing you. Wishing you closer.

Saturday, March 23, 2013