Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Real Passion.

About a week ago I woke up feeling sorry for myself.
Didn't last long.
The thought process clicked in and through my dim awakening head.

Decisions made in the past are my/our decisions.
Nobody else's
Repercussions follow and I have no regrets

When I was 25 and Joan 21
we got married.
Me became we.
We had been kissing for three years.
(First date at the Cavern Club with Beat groups on the bill
one of them called Beat-les)

When I was 26 and Joan 22
(you can read all this in Gutter Feelings
my first book
and still available by a deep trawl of the internet).
Joan and me moved on and away..

So at 26 I left behind my engineering
and hometown
and went off to be House-parents in a Prison for children.
Burning bridges behind
but never relationships.
never faith.

We have lived in accommodation with the job
every step
five different pins on the GPS map
residential work - always with young humans
always living on the edge
me and them.
29 years.

No regrets.
From being a fat uneducated working class lad
I have moved in faith and profession
beyond my expectations x 7.
In awareness and skill.
Scars and learning in synergy.

My faith has changed.
Somehow the conservative bubble burst.
Someone greater than me
holding the pins.

I became radical.
Left behind the words 'should' and 'aught'
journeyed into a place called uncomfortable
where growth resides.

My awareness changed
my skills changed.
Life has been wondrous - joy and tears flowed mingled down.
University of Life
The best qualifications always the scars.

I have discovered some of the wonders
of emotion
of spirituality
of Loveology
of deep relationships
of living taking the mask off
of communicating with Blob Tree blobs
of being sick with fear
of fumbling into group work
of having teeth knocked out
of stumbling into training
of one set of footprints in the sand
of the essential need for team work
of creating developmental exercise
of learning how to weep at injustice
of learning how to sit in the gutter
of always living with change as normal
of learning how to feel for and with the bruised
of learning that I have only learned a bit ......................

I don't want to settle down
I realise I am getting older
Only my body!
Maybe not as long in the hours as I used to be.

But it is time for change and I know it.
Now determination is set in
Journey locked in the GPS
but do not know the destination.
An divine sat nav to have faith in.
Not only about the journey
and turn by turn navigation
but also
the destination.

As it started as two x MEs
becoming one = WE.
so be it
as it was
also it shall be.

the Passion