Tuesday, September 30, 2003

hey ...... thanx for clicking these keys ......... here I am reflecting on the day and of course ahead............ ahead...........

Amongst other things today I have been preparing for the close down of one of my three jobs.
Hand-over meeting tomorrow. Funny it is ending but will be a volunteer to see stuff through and because I believe in it, the money don't count.

In the next few days I am conferencing. That has meant prep time today. One workshop and one opening session for an hour.

I make notes and spend a chunk of time preparing even though it all comes out informal. The notes are under three headings always.
1 context, I think of all the good and bad things which can face a trainer. The can be the physical space, the people, the expectations, hostility, nerves and the notes flow.
2 Objective. Always list everyone. The planned objective but also some 'by-the-way- objectives, bonus stuff. Then I clock the main ones and they go into ......
3 Options. These are the methods. The tools to use. The outcome and the different methods to get there.

After that I plan the start of the gig, the end and then a series of options so I can busk-it to meet the rolling needs of the group. All that is done for the week, but I will still stay up late each night pouring over the notes and fine tuning the thinking and the tone .

So folks ..... that is the prep and I may not be as in-ya-face during the next week coz I am away. Hope to do a daily blog and will let you know how the kingdom is coming on

............. and thanx for your emails which inspire ..... affirm ..... touch the soul ..... pip@pipwilson.com


Monday, September 29, 2003

God is.............a hook to sling your awe on
a peg for hanging up your adoration



My right knee is giving me some gip.
I remember it getting a big twist in my rugby days. Three big fellas swung me around and my foot stayed firmly in the mud. I was strapped for weeks. Painful in extreme but nothing broken.
Now it hurts with a pain in the side and general ache. Keep doing my stretches. Will get some advice in the gym.

"He jests at scars who never felt a wound" William Shakespeare

This journey, this 'road less travelled', is full of brambles.
When I did my last course called that. As with every course, people there had been caught in those thorns and carried the scars. Me too.
That makes doing a course with people who are on that journey all the worthwhile. If you feel the pain of life we are much more willing to grapple with the questions of life. If we skate over it, push it aside, it only comes back when we hit the next hurdle. Having the tools to handle life does not come naturally ...... like we cannot play the piano just because we can tap the keys with our fingers. We need the training, the skills before we can play a decent tune.

I want to feel those feeling as I journey. Feel them clock them, and then work them out. Not leaving them to fester.

It must be terrible to feel no pain.



Sunday, September 28, 2003

Was a beaut to go out with daughters x 2 and their men ...... Joan only had me. Great time and it is so infrequent it has never happened before.!

Had to tape the opposition bash each other, while were out on the town, with an inevitable win by Wigin-the-pie-eaters who just happen to be our arch rivals and ..........we will play them next Friday so.............. don't ring ......... the phone will be off the hook........

Now watching Ozzie rugby league on tv and Morley the big English second row is looking good.

Feeling good as good as a person committed to being uncertain..... as I can be ...... long journey to become a fully alive human.

I will be
a 'being' person
but moreso
a 'becoming' person

A human being ...... becoming


Friday, September 26, 2003

The Saints
My team won tonight and did know it was going to be tough.
Broncos are tough and we had to play well ........ reasonably.
Next week the next do or die playoff.

Today has been trying to find the closure of my National ymca 'csd' job. I am trying to ensure I hand over well and then I will still be in there but it will be as a volunteer.

So a work a day doing my indoor stuff and catching up all the time with recorded music and my dj pete tong. Love it.

This week-end I have two good social gigs to enjoy and I must spoil all the pleasure by trying to sort out all the unpacked bags I have since I left Romford ymca some six months ago. Then I have about 500 videos which Joan is convinced need to go in the bin ...... and me ...... there is some unique stuff there, like life recorded which will be lost to eternity if I don't keep them. Decision day looms.

So I will refresh this w/e so I am fit for stretch in the future and ....... ....... ...............love both.

I love this because it 'means' to me
maybe it will to you?

CHARLIE’S SONG 311

I SIT ALONE
I WONDER WHY
WHY I CRY IN PAIN
FOR THE THINGS I CANNOT UNDERSTAND
AM I MAD OR AM I ILL
BECAUSE OF THE HURT INSIDE ME
I HURT MYSELF TO FEEL FREE
UNDER THE THUMB FOR ANOTHER DAY
THESES SCARS THAT SHOW MY MIND
SCARS THAT DO NOT HEAL
THIS IS ME WHO I AM
ACCEPT IT AND ACCECT ME
THE WONDERFUL THING IS THE PEOPLE DO
BECAUSE THE SCARS ARE NOT SEEN
I CLOSE MY EYES TO RUN AWAY
IN THE FEAR THAT I MAY DO IT AGAIN
WHEN I HURT AND IM IN PAIN
WIPE THOSE TEARS AND DRY THOSE EYES
BECAUSE PEOPLE CARE AND LOVE
YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE
THAT THE BEAUTIFUL PERSON THAT EXIST
IN YOU CAN LOVE SO MUCH
THE WAY YOU LOOK
THE WAY YOU LAUGH
THE WAY YOU LOVE
THE WAY YOUR ARE.



PETER PRITCHARD

24 SEPTEMBER 2003


Working with people who have met stress, depression and forms of mental illness, it is good to be .......... discussing Frank Bruno.
What is he famous for?
What is he infamous for?

These questions have brought out a range of observations which have come from the gut, not just the head.

We go on to warmly, with affirmation, to speculate about the benefits he may have from the bad experience ...... how it can have a positive outcome. That triggers all sorts of debate. Personal experience of a mental hospital and the drug controlled climate, plus the only added benefit of a smoke filled tv room.

Then a lead in to talk about detox, a withdrawal from dependancy on alcohol or drugs. Individuals spilling their soul about 20 years addiction to hard stuff. Great now just to see them struggle with being alcoholic not addicts of the killer chemicals.

You like me have had periods of emotional pressure. maybe depression. Breakdown or on the verge. We all have ability and disability .......... even though we try hard to hide the ugly bits eh?

Imagine what it is like without having a loving framework of family or friends.
I love these humans who I cannot name for confidentiality sake. The damage is in their faces now as I picture them. Beyond the hurt and scars there is a beautiful person, still articulate, maybe slurred, maybe ugly to your eye. I soak it and feel blessed as I struggle to understand and , non oppressively, help.

It seems to me that we can never really meet as humans unless we meet at the point of commonly grounded hurt. Never, we will never truly meet when we share only our best qualities, and success.

I am at the end of another day and the tv is mtv tuned. Radio recording another dance music channel, ipod charging and downloading the 6 new cds from Hungary ...... Sting is on tv ..... looking older!
I was pleased this week when someone guessed my age was 50!!

So ....... I take one deep slow intake of breath ........ and breath out slow .... the new comes into my soul and the waste is expelled ............ breathe on me breath of God ......... fill me with life brand new ........

Thursday, September 25, 2003

DO YOU FEEL
BEAUTIFUL?

BHP

Taking several persons to bed with me tonight.

Some because I am left buzzing from the great discussions we have had in the past days ......... I always feel I am learning so much .... and amazingly it is from the most bruised humans.

Some because it is people who have crumbled, not coped with staying stable, but slipping back into a big oppressive hole. A hole which was dug by people who have failed to love them or who have been unable to love them. I feel there is so much damage done by parents who have so few skills to bring to being a positive Mother or Father.

All in all I feel good-ish .... not dragged down by so much pain...... unbearable.

I am reading a book about 'pain' and it is mind expanding.

Last thing, I have just got a little gadget for my ipod. Just as big as a forefinger, but half as long. It fits on the ipod and then, with a dinky remote control, I can operate it from the other side of any room and leave it plugged into any sort of stereo ...... 10000 watts or my simple week-end bag mobile speakers.

rock chick me!

....... and .......sorry about the joke!

I am off to bed zzzzzzzzzzzz



Wednesday, September 24, 2003

I am cracking up tonight so please forgive my joke:-
A man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where he is greeted by St. Peter.

"Welcome!" he says. "Because we are currently operating at 99% capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven. Therefore, you must answer my questions correctly to gain entrance."

"Okay," says he.

"Here's your question: name two days of the week
that begin with the letter T."

"That's easy. Today and tomorrow!"

"Well, that's not the answer I was thinking of, but I'll give you another question. How many seconds are there in a year?"

"That's easy. Twelve!"

"Twelve?"

"January second, February second, March second -- "

"Okay, okay. I can see you misunderstood this question as well.
Well, Okay. I'll give you one more chance. What's God's name?"

"That's easy. Howard!"

"Howard?"

"You know -- 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...



I love it love it love it ......
the quote below ....
"The world is a dangerous place to live;
not because of the people who are evil,
but because of the people who don't do anything about it."
- Albert Einstein

So vital we do a wee bit and that counts................

As you know, I ask people ... "do you feel beautifu?"

This is an interesting response and I paste in with permission:-

"An interesting point. I am more likely to feel beautiful after sex, or after a really good day at the beach when my hair is full or sand and salt, or when I’m listening to great music, or when I’ve just made some art that I’m really pleased with, or after a really good meal with friends and lots of laughter. I see my beauty reflected in the eyes of those who love me. I also find the world a very beautiful place, even with all the pain and sorrow that lives here also. I am an optimist at heart."



Choruses for the ‘bored again’ from ‘101 things to do in a dull church’ or YMCA by Martin Wroe:


I’m on the pill
I’m on the pill
I’m on the pilgrims way

I want a man
I want a man
I want a mansion in the sky

Stir the stew
stir the stew
stir the stupid hearts of men



"Those songs we sang on tour really helped me through the death of my dad. The problem with grief is bottling it up and that's when it can really floor you. You have to express it and face it and I was doing that every night."

-- Bono, 2001

violence
I hate it
have lived with it for years

It freezes the soul
It hurts both
It leaks fear
It bleeds love

A day of contrasts. Talking about beautiful things like the soul being scratched ....... read this as an example of the centre of a human
" becoming"

Wisdom did not come
with the flower
in the spring
or with the hot dust
blowing around the stray paths
in the summer or with the lifting of the leaf
in the calm autumn wind
But in the cold winter
when food was short
fire was low
and night was long

by Mir Mahfuz Ali

.........beautiful ....... the words of a YMCA Resident who is, like them all, much more than that.

As we talked this stuff and more came violence. Just like that word VIOLENCE jumps up to spoil a sentence ...... so comes human violence, one with another, one to another.
And we all share the pain. The pain of being in a community and feeling the disturbance
unease
uncomfortableness
fear
pain
hate ............... of violence ...................as much as you want to love the sinner and not the sin.

An issue with YMCA's, not new, is
1 do we accommodate as many people we can with massive needs
or
2 do we accommodate a less number and work with them to aid their wholistic development beyond meeting the basic needs of food and shelter. Ensuring that we retain a climate of trust where all have an opportunity to develop.

You can tell where I am coming from.

The Government pays grants, of course, that we may accommodate and support people but do not pay grant aid to YMCAs' to fulfill it's mission of seeking the Kingdom of God ..... and striving that that Kingdom, takes residence inside the souls of Staff, Residents, Volunteers, Members and Board Members etc..
Martin Luther King did NOT say
"I have a budget"
He did say
"I have a dream"
a mission
a vision......................

In the bleak mid-winter.................




Tuesday, September 23, 2003

............ well another day .... week ...... and thinking about all the prep I need to do for groups of people I will work with and also a workshop next week and ...... moreso the people I will be back in contact with today .

People so beautiful and so ........

So I am preparing..... my mind and soul....

bhp

Monday, September 22, 2003

So I went to the funeral of Alf.
He had fought in the last WW.
His Army Major had travelled from Devon and told us all how Alf had rescued someone from a burning tank in Italy during a conflict, and another story .......

We did not know and we do not know the depth of a persons life even if we know of some of the actions............

So Joan baked a cake and did the tea I talked to the less mobile elderly.

And on the same day Donna died .............

So bless you and all around you........

bhp

So as I leave one of my posts at the end of the month.......... I share with you my desire to live in zones where comfort does not reside.
Outside the comfort zones is where development is.
There is a step for you which will take you into discovery.
Of self.
Of others.
Of eyes that see, of ears that hear.
Of God.
Of spirituality beyond what you know, beyond where you now reside.
Take your pick!
No greater stretch is to be found by getting close, very close to fellow humans in the YMCA, heard of them?
The next person you see who makes you cringe, to shudder, to step back emotionally, that peron is the person to get close to ...... and, no doubt, yourself in the process!

"Look around you – there are people around you.
Maybe you will remember one of them all your life and later eat your heart out because you didn’t make use of the opportunity to ask them questions."
Alexander Solzhenitsyn


Donna has just died, a young Mum leaving Cara a wee babe and Andy her husband.

Andy was, up till about 2 years ago, the Festival manager of Greenbelt.

A terrible loss and massive grief.

Lord have mercy........................

Sunday, September 21, 2003

This is a link to my feelings as I left Bulgaria a couple of years ago .......
My soul yearns for the wholeness of Nation and YMCA there........

http://www.romfordymca.org/site.php?section=pearls&article=103

bhp
week end hmmmmm
Was not on the best of form with restless nights and tablets helping to fight some invaders into my thick frame ........... beautiful to be aware and would love to do it again in a 'well' vibe.

Read a book about 'pain' ......... part read ......... just part of my journey to understand life and death.

Two funerals tomorrow which are significant in my life and I will be at one.
Have read that thing about the world being made up of 100 people ..... sort of averaging things ....... one line is "one person would be near death and one would be near birth" ........ and one would have access to a computer...... will post it on 'pearls' on my website because it stretches the mind.

I have had a few, just a wee few, emails from humans who have read my blogs and even passed on appreciation.
Thanx to you who have said and you who have not ............ I suppose if you join me in the touching of finger tips on your keys ...... I suppose we are journeying together eh?
I count that as special.

My team are in the big playoffs on Friday coming and the signs do not look good.
My beautiful Ann daughter has a birthday this week. Love her.

This week-end I am missing my annual visit to Bulgaria ..... have been going since 1991. Part of the mission to support the former eastern european ymcas who have a tough time beyond imagination. I will post a link to something I wrote about Bulgaria ...... these people are joined to my soul.

Stay beautiful
you are special
precious
valuable

bhp



Phil had his fare well tonight from Romford YMCA, my siritual home for 18 years .......I could not be there but the message I was asked for is here:-

Phil Martin ......you are beautiful!

I can see the gentle embarrassed smile now as I write this.
Sorry about the embarrassment.

I'm sorry I cannot be with you for you farewell. This is a fumbling expression of appreciation.

I remember getting that phone call from you as a keen applicant for the job coming up at this ymca.
And me having to say "hold your horses, the interview is planned and you will get the details"
I thought, as a put the phone down, "stink ! ....... he is keen"

I later found out that your faith in God and your commitment to seeking out that life journey of stretch and satisfaction, was pulling you to Romford ymca.
I know that is still your desire and that is why you journey on, reaching out as you journey, to keep contact with the God you serve.

Now with your own beautiful family you leave this large family of Romford ymca, to get fully immersed in another faith community in Brentwood.

You have always been a rock.
You have always been solid and consistent.
You have always stretched yourself to give to other.
You have always been a friend to so many.
You have always been organized and delivered the goods.
You have always stepped outside your comfort zones where growth is.
You have always told really bad jokes!

I have often been jealous of your skills, abilities and gifts.
I still am.
I have learned much from you over the years.
I will also appreciate you forever as will all the people who have worked with you over these years.
I wish you well for the full future before you.

Thank you for all you did and ARE.
Thank you.

and a quote:-

"only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go'
t.s. eliot

thank you for taking that risk with us all

pip wilson bhp


Friday, September 19, 2003

Johnny Cash ..... last interview quote:-

"God had other plans for me. I guess there's something more he's got for me to do, and who am I to argue?" His voice trailed off and he stared ahead, quietly for a while. Until I asked him if he was angry with God for being left to do it on his own. He sat upright in his wheelchair. "Never. Never!" His dark eyes blazed. Then he smiled. " My arms", he said "are too short to box with God."

© Sylvie Simmons

Alone with the Man in Black

I went to do an interview with Johnny Cash - he so moved me that I gave up my job and became a novelist

Louisa Young
Wednesday September 17, 2003
The Guardian
 So there I was, sitting in Johnny Cash's front room in Hendersonville, Tennessee, about 10 or 12 years ago. He'd been with journalists most of the day and I was the last. A couple, I knew from chatting to them, were hacks with less than no interest in country music. I was worse - I was a fan.

He's looking a little tired, and a little fed up, in a polite way. The room is dim, lots of furniture, glass-fronted cabinets full of June's crystal and cut-glass collection.

"So," I say, "Are you still the Man in Black? Can you tell me why?"

He goes into the stock answer: quoting the song lyrics, about wearing black for the poor and the beaten down. But I know all that - I'm wondering if that's still how he feels, 30 years later. "I mean, are you still doing it?" I ask. "For the same reasons?"

"Now?" he says gently. There's a wry look in his eye. "Now more than ever... "

We get to talking about the evils of the world. I mention a song he recorded: Here Comes That Rainbow Again, by Kris Kristofferson. It's a small drama. A pair of Okie kids, a waitress and some truckers are in a roadside cafe. The kids ask: how much are the candies? "How much have you got?" the waitress replies. "We've only a penny between us". "Them's two for a penny," she lies.

A trucker notices. "Them candies ain't two for a penny," he says, and "So what's it to you?' she replied. Then when the truckers leave "She called 'Hey, you left too much money!' 'So what's it to you?' they replied."

It sounds hokey - but it's not, not the way Cash sang it, and certainly not in its first incarnation - the song is based on an intensely touching scene from Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath.

I mention this.

"You know that book?" he says, his face lighting up.

"I love that book," I say. "And you know that book!" Why am I surprised that Johnny Cash has read Steinbeck?

"Know that book?" he says. "I was that book." He smiles at me. It's kind of like being smiled at by Monument Valley, or the Hoover Dam. He pronounces it "Grapesawrath", like Rose of Sharon is pronounced Rosasharn.

"You like that song?" he says, and he pulls over his guitar.

What, really?

He tunes up. I can't quite believe my fortune here. He starts to play, and he sings that song. In his front room. That pure, deep, thundery, reverberating voice, just across from me on the other sofa.

"All that was part of my childhood," he says, when it's over. Then he tells me about the flood when he was a kid, that leads to Five Feet High and Rising. "You like that song?" Yes I do.

He sings it for me.

"What else, now," he says. "You like Man in Black, don't ya?"

Well yes, I do. And I Walk the Line, and the Tennessee Flat-top Box, and the Long Black Veil, and Ring of Fire, and the Ballad of Ira Hayes, and John Henry, and some I'd never heard before.

So, we were there all afternoon, in that shadowy room, and it was one of the finest afternoons I've ever spent, and definitely the worst interview I've ever done. We hardly talked. This is how he's choosing to communicate, I realised. By singing. Which from a singer is not unreasonable - in fact it's possibly more right, more true, than answering interview questions. Also - I turned the tape recorder off. Why? A one-on-one personal Johnny Cash concert on the sofa and you turned the tape off? Why? Answer: because I knew this was not something which could be repeated. Couldn't be, shouldn't be.

He did say one thing I remember: "You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it."

And I came out realising that I didn't want to be a journalist any more.

Although it was journalism that had given me this extraordinary day, I didn't want to be the person oohing and aahing on paper about Kris Kristofferson, John Steinbeck and Johnny Cash. I wanted to be the person writing and making the stuff that makes the other people ooh and ahh. Cash loving Kristofferson's song; Kristofferson loving the way he sang it, both of them loving Steinbeck's book. I wanted to be one of them. Yeah, I know. But I might as well admit it.

Somebody took a photo with my camera of Johnny Cash and me standing grinning outside his house, squinting against the low spring sun. He's in black, I'm in green. He has his arm round my waist. He picked me a daffodil from his front garden, gave me a kiss, and then I went home, to give up journalism, bit by bit, and start trying to be what I was: someone who wanted to create.

I had the daffodil on my desk while I wrote my first book. I still have it - a little dried-up papery ghost of a thing, reminding me that that's what integrity means: being what you are.

· Louisa Young's latest book is The Book of the Heart


Stereotypical
........male ....... that cold is real and I don't believe in colds so I am miserable. So the stereotypical male .............. but this week-end I have a week-end away with the Mother-in-law ................ stereotypical ........

I will be taking away some good reading and my ipod which now has well over 5000 tunes on it. Also my Gilles Peterson tapes from the last two weeks. Something near to heaven. If you don't have the joy of that dj ....... !
The joy of my laptop streaming radio ......... that reminds me .... And some tablets........... stereotypical male.

Did you hear the joke about the man with a streaming cold? He never did finish his French Onion soup.

I will enjoy the break.
I have forgotten how to look out of a window and see more than a block of concrete. To breath a bit of fresh. To change environment and fresh perspective eh?

The glory of God is a person fully alive.
Still on the road!
Hope I am going in the right direction!

bhp

The cat (ZIG) has gone to bed early
the house is still
radio 'one world' is recording
I am ready for zzzzz

It has been a good day
better than expected
better than usual
good group
good feelings, sharing, empathizing

Scarred people
down on their expectations
taking the risk to talk and rehurt themselves
for development

got a cold coming and I don't get colds
nose is there on my face were it normally is ..un-noticed
the glory of god is a person fully alive
not counting colds and when we sleep like I will be soon

can we be fully alive and asleep?
I will reflect on that but ........ God loves me when I fail, and when it is deliberate too ................ so he loves me asleep too ..............zzzzzzzzzz


Thursday, September 18, 2003

a fantastic article......................... from the Guardian.........

Alone with the Man in Black

I went to do an interview with Johnny Cash - he so moved me that I gave up my job and became a novelist

Louisa Young
Wednesday September 17, 2003
The Guardian


Cash performing in 1995. Photo: AP
 So there I was, sitting in Johnny Cash's front room in Hendersonville, Tennessee, about 10 or 12 years ago. He'd been with journalists most of the day and I was the last. A couple, I knew from chatting to them, were hacks with less than no interest in country music. I was worse - I was a fan.

He's looking a little tired, and a little fed up, in a polite way. The room is dim, lots of furniture, glass-fronted cabinets full of June's crystal and cut-glass collection.

"So," I say, "Are you still the Man in Black? Can you tell me why?"

He goes into the stock answer: quoting the song lyrics, about wearing black for the poor and the beaten down. But I know all that - I'm wondering if that's still how he feels, 30 years later. "I mean, are you still doing it?" I ask. "For the same reasons?"

"Now?" he says gently. There's a wry look in his eye. "Now more than ever... "

We get to talking about the evils of the world. I mention a song he recorded: Here Comes That Rainbow Again, by Kris Kristofferson. It's a small drama. A pair of Okie kids, a waitress and some truckers are in a roadside cafe. The kids ask: how much are the candies? "How much have you got?" the waitress replies. "We've only a penny between us". "Them's two for a penny," she lies.

A trucker notices. "Them candies ain't two for a penny," he says, and "So what's it to you?' she replied. Then when the truckers leave "She called 'Hey, you left too much money!' 'So what's it to you?' they replied."

It sounds hokey - but it's not, not the way Cash sang it, and certainly not in its first incarnation - the song is based on an intensely touching scene from Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath.

I mention this.

"You know that book?" he says, his face lighting up.

"I love that book," I say. "And you know that book!" Why am I surprised that Johnny Cash has read Steinbeck?

"Know that book?" he says. "I was that book." He smiles at me. It's kind of like being smiled at by Monument Valley, or the Hoover Dam. He pronounces it "Grapesawrath", like Rose of Sharon is pronounced Rosasharn.

"You like that song?" he says, and he pulls over his guitar.

What, really?

He tunes up. I can't quite believe my fortune here. He starts to play, and he sings that song. In his front room. That pure, deep, thundery, reverberating voice, just across from me on the other sofa.

"All that was part of my childhood," he says, when it's over. Then he tells me about the flood when he was a kid, that leads to Five Feet High and Rising. "You like that song?" Yes I do.

He sings it for me.

"What else, now," he says. "You like Man in Black, don't ya?"

Well yes, I do. And I Walk the Line, and the Tennessee Flat-top Box, and the Long Black Veil, and Ring of Fire, and the Ballad of Ira Hayes, and John Henry, and some I'd never heard before.

So, we were there all afternoon, in that shadowy room, and it was one of the finest afternoons I've ever spent, and definitely the worst interview I've ever done. We hardly talked. This is how he's choosing to communicate, I realised. By singing. Which from a singer is not unreasonable - in fact it's possibly more right, more true, than answering interview questions. Also - I turned the tape recorder off. Why? A one-on-one personal Johnny Cash concert on the sofa and you turned the tape off? Why? Answer: because I knew this was not something which could be repeated. Couldn't be, shouldn't be.

He did say one thing I remember: "You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it."

And I came out realising that I didn't want to be a journalist any more.

Although it was journalism that had given me this extraordinary day, I didn't want to be the person oohing and aahing on paper about Kris Kristofferson, John Steinbeck and Johnny Cash. I wanted to be the person writing and making the stuff that makes the other people ooh and ahh. Cash loving Kristofferson's song; Kristofferson loving the way he sang it, both of them loving Steinbeck's book. I wanted to be one of them. Yeah, I know. But I might as well admit it.

Somebody took a photo with my camera of Johnny Cash and me standing grinning outside his house, squinting against the low spring sun. He's in black, I'm in green. He has his arm round my waist. He picked me a daffodil from his front garden, gave me a kiss, and then I went home, to give up journalism, bit by bit, and start trying to be what I was: someone who wanted to create.

I had the daffodil on my desk while I wrote my first book. I still have it - a little dried-up papery ghost of a thing, reminding me that that's what integrity means: being what you are.

· Louisa Young's latest book is The Book of the Heart




From:
Date: Thu Sep 18, 2003 2:56:17 PM Europe/London
To: "garth hewitt" , "Sue Plater" , "John Wroe" , "Pip Wilson" ,
Subject: Don't know if you saw this, but a great read... Inspiring



Alone with the Man in Black

I went to do an interview with Johnny Cash - he so moved me that I gave up my job and became a novelist

Louisa Young
Wednesday September 17, 2003
The Guardian


Cash performing in 1995. Photo: AP
 So there I was, sitting in Johnny Cash's front room in Hendersonville, Tennessee, about 10 or 12 years ago. He'd been with journalists most of the day and I was the last. A couple, I knew from chatting to them, were hacks with less than no interest in country music. I was worse - I was a fan.

He's looking a little tired, and a little fed up, in a polite way. The room is dim, lots of furniture, glass-fronted cabinets full of June's crystal and cut-glass collection.

"So," I say, "Are you still the Man in Black? Can you tell me why?"

He goes into the stock answer: quoting the song lyrics, about wearing black for the poor and the beaten down. But I know all that - I'm wondering if that's still how he feels, 30 years later. "I mean, are you still doing it?" I ask. "For the same reasons?"

"Now?" he says gently. There's a wry look in his eye. "Now more than ever... "

We get to talking about the evils of the world. I mention a song he recorded: Here Comes That Rainbow Again, by Kris Kristofferson. It's a small drama. A pair of Okie kids, a waitress and some truckers are in a roadside cafe. The kids ask: how much are the candies? "How much have you got?" the waitress replies. "We've only a penny between us". "Them's two for a penny," she lies.

A trucker notices. "Them candies ain't two for a penny," he says, and "So what's it to you?' she replied. Then when the truckers leave "She called 'Hey, you left too much money!' 'So what's it to you?' they replied."

It sounds hokey - but it's not, not the way Cash sang it, and certainly not in its first incarnation - the song is based on an intensely touching scene from Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath.

I mention this.

"You know that book?" he says, his face lighting up.

"I love that book," I say. "And you know that book!" Why am I surprised that Johnny Cash has read Steinbeck?

"Know that book?" he says. "I was that book." He smiles at me. It's kind of like being smiled at by Monument Valley, or the Hoover Dam. He pronounces it "Grapesawrath", like Rose of Sharon is pronounced Rosasharn.

"You like that song?" he says, and he pulls over his guitar.

What, really?

He tunes up. I can't quite believe my fortune here. He starts to play, and he sings that song. In his front room. That pure, deep, thundery, reverberating voice, just across from me on the other sofa.

"All that was part of my childhood," he says, when it's over. Then he tells me about the flood when he was a kid, that leads to Five Feet High and Rising. "You like that song?" Yes I do.

He sings it for me.

"What else, now," he says. "You like Man in Black, don't ya?"

Well yes, I do. And I Walk the Line, and the Tennessee Flat-top Box, and the Long Black Veil, and Ring of Fire, and the Ballad of Ira Hayes, and John Henry, and some I'd never heard before.

So, we were there all afternoon, in that shadowy room, and it was one of the finest afternoons I've ever spent, and definitely the worst interview I've ever done. We hardly talked. This is how he's choosing to communicate, I realised. By singing. Which from a singer is not unreasonable - in fact it's possibly more right, more true, than answering interview questions. Also - I turned the tape recorder off. Why? A one-on-one personal Johnny Cash concert on the sofa and you turned the tape off? Why? Answer: because I knew this was not something which could be repeated. Couldn't be, shouldn't be.

He did say one thing I remember: "You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it."

And I came out realising that I didn't want to be a journalist any more.

Although it was journalism that had given me this extraordinary day, I didn't want to be the person oohing and aahing on paper about Kris Kristofferson, John Steinbeck and Johnny Cash. I wanted to be the person writing and making the stuff that makes the other people ooh and ahh. Cash loving Kristofferson's song; Kristofferson loving the way he sang it, both of them loving Steinbeck's book. I wanted to be one of them. Yeah, I know. But I might as well admit it.

Somebody took a photo with my camera of Johnny Cash and me standing grinning outside his house, squinting against the low spring sun. He's in black, I'm in green. He has his arm round my waist. He picked me a daffodil from his front garden, gave me a kiss, and then I went home, to give up journalism, bit by bit, and start trying to be what I was: someone who wanted to create.

I had the daffodil on my desk while I wrote my first book. I still have it - a little dried-up papery ghost of a thing, reminding me that that's what integrity means: being what you are.

· Louisa Young's latest book is The Book of the Heart



a fantastic article......................... from the Guardian.........

Alone with the Man in Black

I went to do an interview with Johnny Cash - he so moved me that I gave up my job and became a novelist

Louisa Young
Wednesday September 17, 2003
The Guardian


Cash performing in 1995. Photo: AP
 So there I was, sitting in Johnny Cash's front room in Hendersonville, Tennessee, about 10 or 12 years ago. He'd been with journalists most of the day and I was the last. A couple, I knew from chatting to them, were hacks with less than no interest in country music. I was worse - I was a fan.

He's looking a little tired, and a little fed up, in a polite way. The room is dim, lots of furniture, glass-fronted cabinets full of June's crystal and cut-glass collection.

"So," I say, "Are you still the Man in Black? Can you tell me why?"

He goes into the stock answer: quoting the song lyrics, about wearing black for the poor and the beaten down. But I know all that - I'm wondering if that's still how he feels, 30 years later. "I mean, are you still doing it?" I ask. "For the same reasons?"

"Now?" he says gently. There's a wry look in his eye. "Now more than ever... "

We get to talking about the evils of the world. I mention a song he recorded: Here Comes That Rainbow Again, by Kris Kristofferson. It's a small drama. A pair of Okie kids, a waitress and some truckers are in a roadside cafe. The kids ask: how much are the candies? "How much have you got?" the waitress replies. "We've only a penny between us". "Them's two for a penny," she lies.

A trucker notices. "Them candies ain't two for a penny," he says, and "So what's it to you?' she replied. Then when the truckers leave "She called 'Hey, you left too much money!' 'So what's it to you?' they replied."

It sounds hokey - but it's not, not the way Cash sang it, and certainly not in its first incarnation - the song is based on an intensely touching scene from Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath.

I mention this.

"You know that book?" he says, his face lighting up.

"I love that book," I say. "And you know that book!" Why am I surprised that Johnny Cash has read Steinbeck?

"Know that book?" he says. "I was that book." He smiles at me. It's kind of like being smiled at by Monument Valley, or the Hoover Dam. He pronounces it "Grapesawrath", like Rose of Sharon is pronounced Rosasharn.

"You like that song?" he says, and he pulls over his guitar.

What, really?

He tunes up. I can't quite believe my fortune here. He starts to play, and he sings that song. In his front room. That pure, deep, thundery, reverberating voice, just across from me on the other sofa.

"All that was part of my childhood," he says, when it's over. Then he tells me about the flood when he was a kid, that leads to Five Feet High and Rising. "You like that song?" Yes I do.

He sings it for me.

"What else, now," he says. "You like Man in Black, don't ya?"

Well yes, I do. And I Walk the Line, and the Tennessee Flat-top Box, and the Long Black Veil, and Ring of Fire, and the Ballad of Ira Hayes, and John Henry, and some I'd never heard before.

So, we were there all afternoon, in that shadowy room, and it was one of the finest afternoons I've ever spent, and definitely the worst interview I've ever done. We hardly talked. This is how he's choosing to communicate, I realised. By singing. Which from a singer is not unreasonable - in fact it's possibly more right, more true, than answering interview questions. Also - I turned the tape recorder off. Why? A one-on-one personal Johnny Cash concert on the sofa and you turned the tape off? Why? Answer: because I knew this was not something which could be repeated. Couldn't be, shouldn't be.

He did say one thing I remember: "You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it."

And I came out realising that I didn't want to be a journalist any more.

Although it was journalism that had given me this extraordinary day, I didn't want to be the person oohing and aahing on paper about Kris Kristofferson, John Steinbeck and Johnny Cash. I wanted to be the person writing and making the stuff that makes the other people ooh and ahh. Cash loving Kristofferson's song; Kristofferson loving the way he sang it, both of them loving Steinbeck's book. I wanted to be one of them. Yeah, I know. But I might as well admit it.

Somebody took a photo with my camera of Johnny Cash and me standing grinning outside his house, squinting against the low spring sun. He's in black, I'm in green. He has his arm round my waist. He picked me a daffodil from his front garden, gave me a kiss, and then I went home, to give up journalism, bit by bit, and start trying to be what I was: someone who wanted to create.

I had the daffodil on my desk while I wrote my first book. I still have it - a little dried-up papery ghost of a thing, reminding me that that's what integrity means: being what you are.

· Louisa Young's latest book is The Book of the Heart




From:
Date: Thu Sep 18, 2003 2:56:17 PM Europe/London
To: "garth hewitt" , "Sue Plater" , "John Wroe" , "Pip Wilson" ,
Subject: Don't know if you saw this, but a great read... Inspiring



Alone with the Man in Black

I went to do an interview with Johnny Cash - he so moved me that I gave up my job and became a novelist

Louisa Young
Wednesday September 17, 2003
The Guardian


Cash performing in 1995. Photo: AP
 So there I was, sitting in Johnny Cash's front room in Hendersonville, Tennessee, about 10 or 12 years ago. He'd been with journalists most of the day and I was the last. A couple, I knew from chatting to them, were hacks with less than no interest in country music. I was worse - I was a fan.

He's looking a little tired, and a little fed up, in a polite way. The room is dim, lots of furniture, glass-fronted cabinets full of June's crystal and cut-glass collection.

"So," I say, "Are you still the Man in Black? Can you tell me why?"

He goes into the stock answer: quoting the song lyrics, about wearing black for the poor and the beaten down. But I know all that - I'm wondering if that's still how he feels, 30 years later. "I mean, are you still doing it?" I ask. "For the same reasons?"

"Now?" he says gently. There's a wry look in his eye. "Now more than ever... "

We get to talking about the evils of the world. I mention a song he recorded: Here Comes That Rainbow Again, by Kris Kristofferson. It's a small drama. A pair of Okie kids, a waitress and some truckers are in a roadside cafe. The kids ask: how much are the candies? "How much have you got?" the waitress replies. "We've only a penny between us". "Them's two for a penny," she lies.

A trucker notices. "Them candies ain't two for a penny," he says, and "So what's it to you?' she replied. Then when the truckers leave "She called 'Hey, you left too much money!' 'So what's it to you?' they replied."

It sounds hokey - but it's not, not the way Cash sang it, and certainly not in its first incarnation - the song is based on an intensely touching scene from Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath.

I mention this.

"You know that book?" he says, his face lighting up.

"I love that book," I say. "And you know that book!" Why am I surprised that Johnny Cash has read Steinbeck?

"Know that book?" he says. "I was that book." He smiles at me. It's kind of like being smiled at by Monument Valley, or the Hoover Dam. He pronounces it "Grapesawrath", like Rose of Sharon is pronounced Rosasharn.

"You like that song?" he says, and he pulls over his guitar.

What, really?

He tunes up. I can't quite believe my fortune here. He starts to play, and he sings that song. In his front room. That pure, deep, thundery, reverberating voice, just across from me on the other sofa.

"All that was part of my childhood," he says, when it's over. Then he tells me about the flood when he was a kid, that leads to Five Feet High and Rising. "You like that song?" Yes I do.

He sings it for me.

"What else, now," he says. "You like Man in Black, don't ya?"

Well yes, I do. And I Walk the Line, and the Tennessee Flat-top Box, and the Long Black Veil, and Ring of Fire, and the Ballad of Ira Hayes, and John Henry, and some I'd never heard before.

So, we were there all afternoon, in that shadowy room, and it was one of the finest afternoons I've ever spent, and definitely the worst interview I've ever done. We hardly talked. This is how he's choosing to communicate, I realised. By singing. Which from a singer is not unreasonable - in fact it's possibly more right, more true, than answering interview questions. Also - I turned the tape recorder off. Why? A one-on-one personal Johnny Cash concert on the sofa and you turned the tape off? Why? Answer: because I knew this was not something which could be repeated. Couldn't be, shouldn't be.

He did say one thing I remember: "You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it."

And I came out realising that I didn't want to be a journalist any more.

Although it was journalism that had given me this extraordinary day, I didn't want to be the person oohing and aahing on paper about Kris Kristofferson, John Steinbeck and Johnny Cash. I wanted to be the person writing and making the stuff that makes the other people ooh and ahh. Cash loving Kristofferson's song; Kristofferson loving the way he sang it, both of them loving Steinbeck's book. I wanted to be one of them. Yeah, I know. But I might as well admit it.

Somebody took a photo with my camera of Johnny Cash and me standing grinning outside his house, squinting against the low spring sun. He's in black, I'm in green. He has his arm round my waist. He picked me a daffodil from his front garden, gave me a kiss, and then I went home, to give up journalism, bit by bit, and start trying to be what I was: someone who wanted to create.

I had the daffodil on my desk while I wrote my first book. I still have it - a little dried-up papery ghost of a thing, reminding me that that's what integrity means: being what you are.

· Louisa Young's latest book is The Book of the Heart



..........just got this, only this, from a young woman in an eastern european country:-

"....someone somewhere is living the live I want to live.......someone is going to the places I want to go......someone is huging the people I want to hug.......... the paradise is always somewhere else"

How do you reply to that?
We communicate regularly and I will reply
bhp


Tuesday and yesterday was work with people
last night 'recovery' with Joan and sausage and mash with wine
Today prep for work with people and then out till late
Friday work with CSD which is ymca England stuff
posh name "christian and spiritual development officer"
never been an officer since I left the boys' brigade
I leave this work in two weeks at the end of the 6 months contract
It has rushed by

Opinion.
Dr Kelly did a bad thing going to the press
not loyal to the employer
He is dead so not many people saying any straight words about this
Andrew Gilligan is the spin
Every day journalists start with an empty p.c. screen and start to spin words before popping to the pub for the pint of gossip.
Everyday the Government try to run the country, like I try to do my work, often stumbling. Thank you God that I don't have the National Press-spinners around me as I fail.

Feelings
I feel ok today. Always in stretch because I don't know the issues facing me today. The hurt. The damaged. The confused.
Feel ok
"I'm ok - you're ok"

'why am I afraid to tell you who I am'
by John Powell
recommended book

see you later today, tonight..................................




Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. ceehiro



"[Pop stars] can get all the synthesizers they want, but nothing will ever take the place of the human heart."

- Johnny Cash, quoted in the San Francisco Chronicle, Sept. 13, 2003.













Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Feeling drained after intensity.
Things are not bad, for me.
I am not low, not down.
Drained from intensity of being with people, giving out, driving.
Also some with massive needs that leave me knowing so little.
A man with no solutions.
A man opening himself to the terrors of others and want to.

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity"
Albert Einstein

Why am I drained?
I think I am working at a different level of intensity. In may last job and ones before, the management stuff was vital but also not as personally intense. Now I think it was good to do a mix. Now I am not in management (which I like) but the people thing is sat on my lap all the time.


"only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go'
ts eliot


Today I am reminded that the potential of people to enjoy life and yet share deep depths of their souls at the same time. We can do great things and touching hurts inside us and in our interpersonal relationships too.

Today I learned that. Today I loved that. Today I have touched heaven in relationship terms.

I do not want to impose my certainties on others. I have only a few outside my own experiences. They did happen.
The work of facilitating freedom for others cannot include imposing certainties on these beautiful humans.
People must have freedom to reach their full potential.
No matter what major issues that there are in a humans life, the job is to help to create a climate of freedom seeking.

Don't tell anyone but I would love all the people I know to latch onto God and fall in love. Become a lover and start making love in the world. Being a disciple of Jesus has been the best decision I have ever made, BUT my love relationship, however positive for me, must not be oppression to someone else.


Look around you – there are people around you.
Maybe you will remember one of them all your life and later eat your heart out because you didn’t make use of the opportunity to ask them questions.
Alexander Solzhenitsyn

bhp


Monday, September 15, 2003

Only got two weeks to go with one of my jobs and I sense I have enjoyed it.

met with a beautiful human today for a coffee and catch up.

Out for a curry with another tonight. Will enjoy.

I want to be a good understander!
GOD IS....................
........underneath everything, above, not beyond
and,
sometimes,
just by the side, leaning across, winking,
waiting an invite

I am a bit troubled because I know several people who are suffering the loss of their closest. Others are in tough times too.
That makes me dwell differently.
It is right to carry that pain.
It is not sharing it really, the pain is full on for them and I do not take any away from them.
But I believe.............................
this helps........What will be left of us when we´ve left?
When we´re gone.
Under, down, into darkness, earth and memory.
Or fired, burnt to shreds, incarnate to incinerate.
When our dust has shaken itself down and reverted to its original state,
and our ashes have snapped out of their delusion,
will their little miraculous interlude have moved history´s rudder?
What will be left of us when we´ve left?
Once the tears are dry on the faces of those we love,
what other trace will we leave?
Will the evidence be compelling?
What will the surviving witnesses say?
How will they know we were here ?
Will someone´s future be better because of what we did in the present?
How many breaths make a life?
How long have we got?
How long does it take to make a difference?
When can I start?
What will history say of us when we´re history too?
What will be left of us when we´ve left?

Sometimes answers to big questions are slick.
I like the idea of questions tonight.

bhp



...............people who I know or are family of those I love have died this week.

Thank you for the life lived.

beautiful imperfection

bhp

Saturday, September 13, 2003

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity"
Albert Einstein

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Just done a little bio to back up a magazine article I have created.
Thought I would share it with you because you bother to click ........


Pip Wilson is a fragile beautiful human person disguised as an author of four books about inner city youth work with east-end youth gangs but also exercises and games to be used as communication and development tools for eternity.
Involved and learning intensely from group work with YMCA Residents who have had tough experiences which have resulted in them often leaning heavily on drugs and alcohol excess.
Highly qualified with scars from vivid life experiences.
Committed to personal, social and cosmic development outside the comfort zones where freedom resides.
Makes love, not just enjoys love.
Makes peace, not just enjoys peace.
Loves Joan, Joy, Ann, Greenbelt and the YMCA Worldwide.



Wednesday, September 10, 2003

I told you I was tired ........ see below in double vision ......

I told you I was tired ........ see below in double vision ......

............ always tired on a Wednesday evening ..... bit zombie like.
Most of my life I have worked morning afternoon and night.
Nowadays I am more balanced.
Hmmm did I say that?
I am still not getting it right after all these years. But ....... Nelson Mandela said:-
"we are free to be free"
To live in a comfort zone is precisely the place where freedom is denied.
In the comfort zone there is no anguish ......precisely because we are comfortable.

I want to grow.
To NOT move forward means I fall off my bike.
I want to live in uncertainty.

Yet I don't want to be like a drunken man in a wagon being pulled by horse which doesn't know where it is going.
I want to chose the life of uncertainty.
I have chosen to live outside my comfort zones.

He who was rich became poor.

God, the lover of the poor, meets us in our poorness

bhp
............ always tired on a Wednesday evening ..... bit zombie like.
Most of my life I have worked morning afternoon and night.
Nowadays I am more balanced.
Hmmm did I say that?
I am still not getting it right after all these years. But ....... Nelson Mandela said:-
"we are free to be free"
To live in a comfort zone is precisely the place where freedom is denied.
In the comfort zone there is no anguish ......precisely because we are comfortable.

I want to grow.
To NOT move forward means I fall off my bike.
I want to live in uncertainty.

Yet I don't want to be like a drunken man in a wagon being pulled by horse which doesn't know where it is going.
I want to chose the life of uncertainty.
I have chosen to live outside my comfort zones.

He who was rich became poor.

God, the lover of the poor, meets us in our poorness

bhp
There are people around us in extreme emotional pain and they don't know an emotional doctor.
Like riding a bike we can learn essential emotional skills and then almost forget we have them.
One model of human development, which I like, is like this:-

1 unconsciously incompetent
2 consciously incompetent
3 consciously competent
4 unconsciously competent

think about it............. in driving the car/riding a bike ........ get it?

This can then relate to reading self. Reading others. Seeing their soul. Knowing our own.

Talk about life skills!
These are the big ones.
The stuff which can make life joy* or sorrow.
Beautiful* relationships or relationships which are a weight on our shoulders, resting the sharp end on our soul, .....all these hurting relationships which we carry around with us into every location, relationship, job, interaction........... life !
(*largely)

I am boiling again.
Positive boil.

People have told me deep stuff. Real stuff. As well as being privileged I want to be of some use. Development is not jumping from A to Z ..... it is, in my experience, small steps, small bites of an elephant sandwich.
I tell myself that I am responsible to people not for people.

But then I have people around me who are-going through hell, facing the loss of a dear and unique loved one.
'Riddled with disease' - beautiful ones.
'Going to die' loved and precious ones.
Beautiful lovers with ugly killer 'taking over' growths.

So I pray.....................


Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Listen

with the night falling we are saying thank you
we are stopping on the bridge to bow from the railings
we are running out of the glass rooms
with our mouths full of food to look at the sky
and say thank you
we are standing by the water looking out
in different directions

back from a series of hospitals back from a mugging
after funerals we are saying thank you
after the news of the dead
whether or not we knew them we are saying thank you
in a culture up to its chin in shame
living in the stench it has chosen we are saying thank you
over telephones we are saying thank you
in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators
remembering wars and the police at the back door
and the beatings on stairs we are saying thank you
in the banks that use us we are saying thank you
with the crooks in office with the rich and fashionable
unchanged we go on saying thank you thank you

with all the animals dying around us
our lost feelings we are saying thank you
with the forests falling faster than the minutes
of our lives we are saying thank you
with the words going out like cells of a brain
with the cities growing over us like the earth
we are saying thank you faster and faster
with nobody listening we are saying thank you
we are saying thank you and waving
dark though it is

W. S. Merwin
.......................................my car needs a service, the journey to Italy in June helped me hit 13k miles this past 12 months.
The swot I did on myself was a bit like an oil change and new spark plugs. I feel more in focus already but need a bit more of 'service'.

Got a 'road less travelled' tonight. I have just done the prep and it feels good and nervous for me. One thing I am certain of, I am responsible TO these humans, not FOR them.
In this sort of missionary work we do, it is so easy to take on the ALL of people and that is unbearable but also creates dependancy ....not good for anyone. "we are free to be free" says Mr Mandela
I will give my all and it is always intense as we walk the edge of life together.

love to love you baby
thats a message from me ............. and Donna Summer

bhp



.......well ............. Monday and a meeting with others to enhance the betterment of work with those who are homeless are feeling hopeless.
How do you best know how to facilitate the freedom of a whole range of people with different needs.
Answer.
Just do it. And stop and evaluate and then just do it. The doing brings humans together and we all learn.

Greenbelt top meeting tonight ...... the first since the major festival which people are still raving about. Everyone just wants the next festival but us on the organizational side look at the glory but also the issues and how to reduce the negatives and hype the positive ....... and will we get a further major influx of people again this year? How do we plan and how do we budget.
But the vision is strong and the people in leadership are beautiful.

God a lover of the poor and the same God is a lover of the poorness in us.
That creators strength is in our stumbling and unfinishedness, incompleteness.

Tonight I pray for Archie, Martin John and all their family, and for Donna and Andy ............ you may not know the beautiful humans behind these names but a prayer from you will be special both in heaven and on earth.
bhp

What profit do we make if we lose our soul ......... that soul within is like an acorn which has the potential of an Oak Tree.
If we sell our soul to the things which don't hit the road to potential .......what does it profit ................

Love is a doing word
bhp

Monday, September 08, 2003

MTV on
my mind is more gripping
done a swot* on myself tonight
need to be on top of who I am
what I am doing
need to be doing the right things
not just responding
strategic

One thing since going from one job to three jobs is being less flexible.
I am tied for days and only really have a wee time to see friends and curry with some.
I like to curry my friends.

One of my three jobs ends it's term at the end of September and my swot told me I am not writing as I feel the need to. I do the blogs, but even that failing in the daily aim. But I have not pulled my books together and zilch during the past 5 months and 7 days.

So the rethink as I look at October onwards is interesting an a challenge.
I pray.
The swot comes out of my soul when I scratch it.
Another thing came clear.
I love the group work I do, even though it is a big challenge and leaves me flat after the energy output.
It also feeds my soul and my writing.

Well ...... thats it for tonight. I need to think on ..... what do you need to do ...... you can always email me you know!!

bhp
* a swot analysis, looking at strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and strengths, a good evaluating method.




Sunday, September 07, 2003

Saturday my team lost against the worst possible team ........ the local rivals Wigin'

England at rugby union and at football are not important set against the great sport of RUGBY LEAGUE.
But we lost. It was taped for me on Friday and my watching on Saturday was a sad view.

Come on the Saints

bhp


Life streams away so fast and it is busy for me ........ Friday I went to hear the Cobden lecture at Dunford House in Sussex. Bart Shaha was the man on the mike. He his the Secretary General of the World ......YMCA that is. He produced some great, inspiring and knowledgeable words about the world situation and the ymca response 'in it'. I will post the whole speech if I can get a cyber copy for you.

bhp

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Leading a course about the deepest things in life ............. I sit on my hands .....that is the emotional picture of myself at the start of the session ..... as nervous as anyone there ........ do I pretend as they do and hide the feelings?

But then I share them and strategically unzip my chest and show those feelings, those scars ~I have collected ....... at least some of them.

I promote a confidentiality contract with the group so humans can be released to be as open as possible. That gives 'permission' to all to be free. (we are free to be free-quote Nelson Mandela) Do you think we give up the hope of being free? Of being free to love?
What a job ....... being the instrument of Shalom
What a job........ being a great lover of humans
What a job........ being Gods touch
What a job.........being Gods skin
What a job.........being in love with so many people

Yes ..... what a job you have
He has no touch but your touch
He has no skin but your skin

Lets be fantastic lovers ..............


"work like you don't need the money
dance like no-one is watching
sing like no-one is listening
and
love like you have never been hurt"

www.pipwilson.com




Monday, September 01, 2003

Today was a journey into west end London to be excited about the pending new ymca england website hey hey

There will be good things to stretch the soul and inform too.
Part of my passion is to stimulate the ymca movement in their pressured work to include spiritual/Christian exercise for themselves and the communities they work with.
Love it love it

Also I have shared ideas to provide for the needs of local YMCA's because the needs are great and many resources are needed......

And to spend time also with a beautiful daughter.
A meal 121.
Love it.
We miss each other too much and this a rare opportunity to have a meal and gas with each other.
Love love it.

Got myself a padded 'skin' for my G4 mactop today to stop the paper clip invasion into my c.d. burner ...... I would rather burn c.d.'s than people.
Also a spare firewire cable to charge my ipod in transit as I travel.

Gilles Peterson is on the wifi mac right now, streaming as I sit on the sofa with the tv on silent.............. I cannot only do one thing at once. I love the music coming out of that mans soul ...... my favorite dj.
Tomorrow I will journey for two hours through the big city with my ipod doing great massage on my soul. Today it was
'Grove Armada' and 'Underworld'......... 'back to mine' and tomorrow it has got to be 'Queen of the stone age' and more. Music penetrates so deep. Deep in my soul.

(Just been reminded by tv how much some people share with me and show trust and confidence in confidentiality in a relationship. Thank you if you do that. I will never break a confidence.)

And the book I started to read today is 'being human'. More details later as I have not got it with me. It will be my companion for the coming weeks as I travel and read.

A cigar and a Cointreau is now my companion as I slow to bedtime.

Thanx for the few who let me know that they have read my blog. It is nice to know and you must feel free to email me or respond on the blogspot. I is good to know you are there but I will do this anyway
- I need the therapy of doing this
- It could all become the base for my next book!!

Tomorrow I start a new 'road less travelled' course and I am nervous.
New people.
New environment.
New stretch
New life.

I will let you know how I go on.






"work like you don't need the money
dance like no-one is watching
sing like no-one is listening
and
love like you have never been hurt"

www.pipwilson.com