..... my journey and the current hit with prostate cancer.

Update for you 

if you have been following my journey

and the current hit with prostate cancer.

I have just started on a course of tablets

as a starter for course of injections

commencing 12/12 & once a month =

Hormone Theraphy 

to help block the growth of the big C

I still have another scan on Monday forthcoming.

Then I guess all the info will be in - 

Investigations done and I will know

the extent of the spread into bone & other parts.

I have a yet to meet with the top

urologist Consultant who, I understand,

will give me the prognosis and

will kick off my treatment proper.

Feelings-wise::

I don't feel ill.

Trying to keep up my exercise.

Eating healthy food & no alcohol as pretty normal.

The toughest is not being able to

ask at my range of favourite Coffee Bar staff

for a "a Flat White and a smile please".

I have been advised to stop the coffee & tea -

ALL CAFFEINE but retain my favourite = Mint Tea!

I am keen to carry on with my work & mission.

I do get tired and nap more.

MAYBE it is PIP WIL80N getting older?

I am aware there are BHP's around me

who are feeling deeply with me

and being wondrously supportive -

together with so many friends and 

contacts world wide - sending much love.

I feel that this could be a long journey?

Thanking you.

I am not able to write to everyone individually

but I am reading all your  

🅱🅴🅰🆄🆃🅸🅵🆄🅻  messages.

✅💲T🅰Y🅱eautiful✅ 

Pip BHP

kneeling

We all have an 'UPSTREAM'

The Pip Wilson I know 

is an Author but doesn't write -

Just reflects on life.
But mainly and mostly - I want you to know that  ..

..you are beautiful.

*

Sessions I facilitate are active 

- involving - engaging - 

no lectures 

( I never take 'SPEAKING' engagements - 

they are always interactive)

Education of the HEART not just the MIND

I am an experiential Trainer - see my 'ABOUT' on my www.pipwilson.com

Jean Vanier, 'Becoming Human’.

"The heart is never "successful."

It does not want power, honours, privilege or efficacy;

it seeks a personal relationship with another,

a communion of hearts, which is the to-and-from of love.

This opening of the heart implies vulnerability

and the offering of our needs and weaknesses.

The heart gives and receives but above all, it gives.

The heart goes out to those who are humble

and who cry out in the weakness and 

their need for understanding and love.

It is the human heart and its need for communion

that weakens the walls of ideology and prejudice.

It leads us from closedness to openness,

from the illusion of superiority to vulnerability and humility.

Because of this instead of finding security in the group

we find it in our hearts,

which have found a new inner strength,

a real maturity.”

Jean Vanier,

'Becoming Human'.

BHP

Your pending Christmas - mine - others " I hate Christmas" by a BHP living in a Hostel.

I asked for permission

to post here

to help you

see

feel

a different reality.

Of course I don't know yours - your reality

Every person

we meet

is fighting a battle

we know NOTHING

about.

So I don't take your 'NOW'

or

Your pending Christmas

with any status quo

with any stereo-type. 

But here is a different reality

then mine.

Than my pending Christmas.

I post the below

without a name

it may be given later.

I still

wish for you

a special time 

at Christmas.

Whatever they may be

may it be an experience of wonder.

May you be with

Wise women

and wise men.

May you be a wise human

Being a star with whoever 

you gather with.

FEEL the words below::

*******************

I cant help but feel that im wastin my time..

Im down in the dumps and im hatin my life..

Lost count on the tears that have rained from my eyes..

Cause its hard to deal with the pain thats inside..

I just wish i could wave it goodbye..

But i cant so i blaze and get high..

Its the only way i can aim for the sky..

And the only time i can say that im fine..

Which aint alot and the things that ive been through..

The people that hurt me, i still aint forgot..

Still cant forget, lord knows ive tried..

My brain is a mess from the war in my mind..

But who am i warin? Im hurtin myself..

I remember the days where id circle my cell..

Knife in my hand, cuts on my arms..

Smile on my face as i looked at my scars..

Now they say im crazy and put me on meds..

Well, i say theyre the ones fucked in the head..

Like say a tablet will cure all my problems..

Them pricks are part of the reason ive got them..

And it gets me vexed, leadin to stress..

Some days i dont feel like leavin my bed..

Im really depressed and its hard to accept..

So i sleep and i dream about startin a fresh..

But i cant leave brum, no local connection..

So i feel trapped, no hope in depression..

The people around me are liars and fake..

But i keep it real, i aint dyin a snake..

My only escape are the bars that i write..

A skill ive perfected for half of my life..

But i cant afford to go put them to beats..

And thats why i feel like theres nothin for me..

#QuickPoem #AllRealTalk

BHP

Living can hurt sometimes

Update on my Prostate Cancer treatment.

So Monday was the bone scanning experience. 

NO result as yet - 

and Monday forthcoming is my last scan.

One big decision I needed to make

is to accept the option of taking hormone therapy - 

tablets & injections.

I will firstly kick off with tablets for 14 days

followed by monthly injections.

There will be side effects!

The first 12th December & second 9th January.

The cancer I have is aggressive but the treatment

will have positive impact immediately.

It is not a cure but the objective is stop it spreading.

I have already been informed that it has moved 

beyond my prostate to other areas including bone.

The recent scans will reveal how far the spread.

No results on those yet!

All seems like it will be long job.

Maybe for the rest of my life!

I don't know what the future holds

but I know who holds the future.

I will end with my expression of gratitude

to the workers in the NHS.

In all three hospital I have visited::

Warm humans.

Caring humans.

Beautiful humans.

Dealing with a depth of reality

outstandingly.

I will continue to share here

but continue to reflect on other stuff too.

Big thank you to everyone who have 

posted messages on various platforms, 

& directly to me.

Wondrous life affirming words.

Revealing yet again your 

 🅱🅴🅰🆄🆃🅸🅵🆄🅻  

Pip BHP

My number one 'What I love to do' - feeding hungry souls.

Throw the ball .....

"How are you"? many people say. I can't just say "I have prostate cancer that has spread to other parts including bones"

"How are you"? many people say.

I can't just answer:: 

"I have prostate cancer that has spread to other parts including bones"

Following my unexpected phone call yesterday

I was able to fill a vacant gap at hospital for a bone scan.

I knew it was scheduled but I slipped in early - really good.

So it was an injection by a beautiful human nurse -

followed by 2 hour wait before the 30 minutes scan.

It was a massive item of machinery scanning all my body from above and my sides.

My Doctor will get the 'results' letter and they copy me in.

What was terrible - we were trapped in a hospital tail-back for more than an hour. Trying to get out. There had been an accident just outside I understand.

I am so SO impressed by my every contact with the NHS.

I have hardly had cause to call on them.

A few broken ribs and twisted knee back in my Rugby League playing past!

SERVANTHOOD is the word that comes to mind about the NHS BHP's.

I feel so normal with no symptoms other than getting tired more quickly - which I put down to ageing!

But the medical tests & investigations tell us that there is something bad happening inside my human frame.

MEN NOTE::  I only mentioned to my Doctor that my urine flow was poor which triggered him to action with a blood test - then bingo - the day after I had an appointment to be informed that my PSA (prostate specific antigen) was beyond the normal limit  = 4  

My reading was 49.

100 UK men (especially older men) are diagnosed with Prostate Cancer every day - get yourself checked early.

For me going forward::

*I need stay fit with exercise & continuing healthy eating.

*Start the hormone injections to hold back the cancer.

*Continue to cultivate positive thinking - NOT allowing negative  feeling to manage my life.

*Hope and Pray.

*Being honest with myself and with you.

✅💲T🅰Y🅱eautiful✅  

BHP

Other than last Friday when I was drained emotionally + really tired. Now I am focused because I can do something about it.

Never has my life been like this.

Today I had a phone call asking if I could go for a bone scan.

Another first in my life.

Friday was a big hit when the beautiful human specialist

informed me the the MRI scan & biopsies were bad news.

The cancer in my prostate had spread beyond the prostate.

It has permeated beyond into bone & 

other parts of my human frame.

Again new to me - it is a challenge to stop thinking about it all.

I need some more mind over matter = 

not thinking cancer all the time.

My iPhone is used as a distraction.

In bed, when I can't get to sleep, 

I will read some Jack Reacher action man  - 

an easy read by Lee Child.

After a while - I turn over & sleep.

This morning was an actual relief when the call came.

Someone had cancelled an appointment leaving 

a 3 hour slot vacant - for me.

The adrenaline flowed positively as I showered.

Some action was good news.

the result may not be !

Other than last Friday when I was drained emotionally +

really tired.

Now I am focused because I can do something about it.

It was beautiful to have both daughters around on that day.

I have slipped back into 'normal' life::

Feelings

Working

Communicating .........

I have decided to keep reflecting here - on my website.

So many people are asking for updates - wondrously so.

Rather than communicating 121 and burning out my finger tips

I an opening up here - so feel to check back regularly.

Tomorrow is another decision day.

I get to agree a recommended option for treatment.

Not a cure.

But a slowing up of the bad stuff.

I keep remembering to take deep breaths ...................

Pip BHP

Kneeling

.

My TRAINING SCHEDULE

Pip Wilson SPILLING.

I was kind of numb most of yesterday.

Feeling better today.

Normal me thinks.

Yesterday was the end of 'journey one'.

Blood Tests

MRI

Biopsies 

The result communicated to me

so generously

so gently

so expertly

with Joy & Joan present.

My prostate cancer has spread

to bone & other venues.

More scans needed.

More treatment:-

injections .........

So I felt drained yesterday

Tired - emotionally.

Today I am more normal.

Back to reality!

It is all rather unreal.

'It is others who get cancer

not ME' !

WARMTH - warming my soul::

I have had beautiful communication from so many

Appreciated

Love in action

ONE was from my friends in  Germany::

we just listened to a wonderful text and think of you, your medical examination, our fragility ...

Illumina by Lamb.

Esp. the second verse is real Pip-truth: 

He said, Each of us is broken

She said, Well that‘s the greatest thing

In total, fragile imperfection

The dark is how we let the light in 

Tomorrow we will visit the concert of Lamb in Leipzig - and we will take you there with us in our hearts and thoughts

A hug and love

Volker with Ulli

BHP Spilling

Peter Barrett composed a poem about me. Se generous - so beautiful.

BHP

You’re in a tough spot

I try to stand near you

In solidarity of a sort

I cannot experience your anxiety

But I know how you feel

I always know how you feel 

You are that rare breed

A huge heart for youth

Those bundles of energy and hurt, left dangling

Look at the upstream, not the downstream

Everyone is fighting a battle we do not understand

Growth does not reside in a place called comfortable

This wisdom has been carved

From Lancashire terraces and East London tower blocks

The backstreets of heaven

From midnight clubs to a multi-storey YMCA

To chaotic canvas cities packed to the rafters

Where trifle trickles down your neck

The land of the blob

Where gutter feelings are shared, always shared

Through unique fingertip touching

Your accent makes me smile

Just down the road from me, but so different

The land of pies and refracted glass

Rugby league, not football

I can forgive you that

At least we like the same band

In our café liaisons

You are constantly connecting

With staff, with strangers

Your gift of making someone feel 

They are being listened to

Perhaps for the first time

The most beautiful flower

Is the one that pops up through a crack

In the concrete

That’s you in a nutshell

Peter Barrett