Wednesday, September 08, 2004

I yearn for their wholeness - and I, at the same time, yearn for my own.

......... I am meeting 
on different days of my life - 
many different humans.
I love being with some of the people.
I just love others.
Some I relax with.
Some I feel stretch with.
A few I feel inadequate with.
I meet such talented humans.
I have to remind myself 
that they are so good - 
at certain things - 
differently than me.
Otherwise I will not be a 'skin on human'.
(strange words you think - see the post below somewhere).
I will be trapped in failure and not freedom bound.

Other humans I love with a deep passion. 
They are not my friends but people I work with.
I love em.
I yearn for their wholeness - and I, 
at the same time, 
yearn for my own. 
I can see in their lives some great hurts and 
damage and vulnerability and it brings out mine too.

I want to refresh the irritation.
I want to yearn.
I want to be dissatisfied and restless and incomplete.
I want the sand between my toes and my teeth.
As long as there are bruised humans 
I want to NOT be where comfort is.
My growth does not reside in comfort zones.
My development is when I stand 
alongside humans who tell me .....

Sixteen and earning £200/300 per week selling chemicals.
Drug users telling me how much.
Telling me how they strive to reduce and come off.
Honest telling of me how they have 
destroyed their families - well - hurt in extreme.
Their honesty is in itself developmental and life changing.
Shocked by their own verbal expressions.
I see flowers opening up to the sun - 
right there in front of my eyes.
Beautiful creation.
Beautiful imperfection.

A prison letter from someone 
serving fifteen years is heart churning.
Big tough men who are scared of change.
Mental health issues salivating from the souls.

I am glad I have Greenbelt as a community 
and a festival.
I am delighted to have friends at home and abroad.
I am pleased coz I know people love me.
I want to express love, live it, 
with those who are uncertain about it.
Cannot handle it.

I suppose ~I am just pouring out my reflections 
on the last few days 
of being in touch with beautiful humans ......
....... hope you don't mind ...
..... I am doing it for me really ....................