Thursday, October 09, 2003

I am in France, offline, having arrived in Honfleur a wee harbour town in Normandy. Beautiful.

But it has down-poured all the way so have not seen much of France so far.
Just great to get away for a couple of nights with Joan. Breathe fresh air. Food by the best. Relax with a coffee or three. Read with cigar and chill. Having 5000 tunes on my ipod will make life complete.

Little hotel , recently styled up, in a side street just the job. See you later.

Another day older and deeper in debt............................ day two in frog-land.
Joan reconds, and I agree, that I was so hard when I was young and it has took years for me to soften and be in any way sensitive.
I was brought up with shoulds and aughts and they included not being emotional or 'soft'. My Mother was tough, she had to be to bring four boys up during the war.
My playing of Rugby League was being violent. I used to help the team to win because I was violent. Not just rough and hard in the tackle. Really I was no good at the skills of the game.
I could not read when I was 12 so a grammar school kid was paid half a crown to teach me on Saturday mornings. I guess that school had few attractions to me other than having fun and playing rugby. The b stream was mine. I did all the boys around me did, and wanted me to do.

Now I think that life is about how we respond to the circumstances thrown at us rather than being swept along by the quirks of life.
Being adult, being centered on life, being an act-or rather than a reactor, choosing life rather than life directing me. There is faith in all this, the centre.

So whatever life chucks ........... I have decided how to live, evolving from the life of 'becoming' rather than being set, rather than just letting life happen. All this whirling around my head as we dwell in a drizzle-full harbour town.

We talk as tourists in anoraks stroll by. I am still talking about the group from last week and the journey of pain that we so often hide ...... and yet ....... it is a great source of growth and pleasure even.
Yonderboi (Shallow and Profound) a Hungarian group is in my ears. Their dance music base stuff is haunting.
UNKLE album (Never, Never land) gets a play ..... interesting how they use the spoken word infused in their work.
Mike Yaconelli on c.d. in the car also provides laughs and stimulation.
Gilles Peterson tapes over the last three weeks are being played in the rain ....... and why can't I get the new Ursula Rucker album fro my cheapest and favorite supplier?

....... and why do I feel oppressed by very posh people?
.... and why do I love the experience of dining out in France when I did not enjoy either of the fish courses?
....... and I accept I will never be complete ........

God gave you style, he gave you grace.
God put a smile upon your face.