Often I sit and click.
I don't know what to click.
So I refer to feelings.
It is good for me.
Clock the internal
I try not to be afraid to tell you who I am.
I feel alone but not lonely.
I feel tired but not sleepy.
I feel stimulated by death -
see yesterdays blog.
Anger, distress and active determination
all stimulate.
I feel stimulated due to study.
Study of how to handle all this ugly stuff.
How do I collate all the experience, reading,
unread documents, current changes -
into my work and training.
I feel the intensity.
I feel for Joan.
She is up North with her Mother.
Joyce suffers from dementia
and forgets ...............
On Sunday I go and collect them both.
Joyce will live with us for two weeks
and then off to Greenbelt, after I return her home.
This two weeks will be strange.
It has been suggested
that we put a sign on the bathroom door
'Bathroom'.
I feel about Greenbelt.
I am involved -
but not deeply as I was.
I will be doing an iPod Show
and Love it.
I am also doing this seminar called
'Gangs'.
It will be strange doing it to an unknown collection of humans.
Normally I go into a context - and prepare for them,
their objectives.
Here, Greenbelt, my 'contextual notes'
are extensive - trying to suss the ground.
I expect to have workers there.
A collection of professionals, students, well read humans and real practitioners.
There will be people of faith who want to gain clues about their expression of faith with their local groups of disruptive youths.
Parents who fear for their own children. Those who are working at the sharp end and are battered from such fantastic lives of love being lived out on the frontiers.
I feel, late Friday evening, that I will have a Cointreau.
I will sip it slowly.
I will breathe deep
calling on all available resources.
Tomorrow?
I will return to tasks too.
Maybe emailing you
because you have not heard from me.
I would love to know how you feel.
5 words says it, it is one way.
Derek tells me, and I only hear from him 2/3 times a year::
disturbed
changing
held
laughing
crying
I feel that is beautiful - that you tell me about the deeper you.
The most beautiful also,
is that you are telling yourself too.
How are you feeling?
