'Presence and availability
are the essence of love'
Gabriel Marcel
Apart from anger at injustice,
which motivates social action,
anger can often be so destructive
to an individual and relationships.
It all comes out of the Hard Drive
in our head = the Brain.
Emotions travel faster to the HD
than the thought process.
More-so in adolescence.
In certain situations the anger fades quickly.
Others live with it for much longer.
I believe and experience many humans
becoming aware and skilled in this area.
Emotional Intelligence can be developed.
My
work with groups is a challenge.
Not
only do I aim to communicate
but
I aim to create an environment and opportunity
for
everyone there to communicate.
Yes
listening!
Yes
verbally and non-verbally
expressing
themselves.
Here is some feedback
from a school teacher to me
following one of my sessions::
'She
left rather like an angry lion
-
and whilst it would be untrue to describe her later return as a 'lamb'
-
she entered the room in a wholly appropriate manner
-
mild but confident.
And
joined in immediately with our activity.
I
spoke with her quietly before she left.
She
told me she had thoroughly enjoyed your sessions
and
fully and positively acknowledged her change in thinking/approach.
Something
had impacted significantly upon her.
She
explained that the session had allowed her
to
examine and express her feelings -
she
has said before that is what she needs to be able to do -
and
we have previously talked about appropriate ways to do that.
However
she has admitted she often struggles to do that.'
This
young woman had been through a group process.
Simple
non-threatening exercises with Blob Tree type tools,
leading
to examination of more personal emotions.
(the
Blob Anger Cards are great for group work)
In
my own life I know that managing emotions needs
continuous
opportunities to articulate them with others.
Many
professional struggle with their own emotions
including
anger management.
In
their work and private lives.
Five
significant Anger management tips from me are::
1 Every time you feel a feeling, give it a name.
This
may sound strange because we have feelings every mili-second but
I
am referring to the feelings which stand out from the crowd.
The
special pleasant one and more important,
the
not so nice one.
This
act of naming feelings will develop emotional literacy
-
inner you, the important you.
The
emotionally literate you.
2 Capture the strength of a feeling when you feel it.
Hold
it in your hand so to speak.
Note
it. Speak it or at least write it down.
Use
it as a tool. A learning tool.
Try
not to control it,
suppress
it,
but
manage it.
3 Give special attention to the anger, jealousy, envy and negative
feelings generally.
Turn
the emotion inside-out to examination it.
Take
it by the throat and use the energy to understand it.
Reverse
it into a positive feeling - use it.
Do
something with it.
When
I watch a movie or TV and see a fictitious character,
or
a real life person, whose behaviour or attitude I don't like,
I
ask why? Why don't I? What are my feelings?
What
is the behaviour? Why is this person behaving this way?
I
am taking the energy from my own emotions and using it.
4 If you only spend time with humans just like yourself
-
same social strata,
it
will be harder to develop emotionally.
Deliberately
spend time with those who are different.
The
more extreme the better.
Do
the above with them. Learn from them.
Working
with 'the hard to reach' is a great challenge
but
massive in terms of learning.
5 All feelings are yours - not another persons.
Feelings
inside you are yours.
"He
made me feel angry" cannot be a correct statement
because
nobody makes us feel. They come from inside us.
We
feel. They behave. They have attitudes.
They
can be nasty or beautiful.
Both
ends of the spectrum can stimulate our feelings.
And
- they, family, friends, colleagues, clients - in helping relationships
need
a human in their lives who are getting to grips with their own
emotions
- including ANGER.
This where I am at.Not complete. On a journey. Join me?
Please take at least one thought away from my reflections.
Consider what you plan to do with that seed.
Feedback and your reflections - always welcome
"Hope has two beautiful daughters.
Their
names are anger and courage;
anger
at the way things are,
and
courage
to see that
they
do not remain
the
way they are."
Augustine of Hippo