I am not following the yellow brick road like all the others,
I am following the road less travelled ...............

The book 'The Road Less Travelled'
starts off - guess the first three words.
(Answer at the foot of the blog*)

I was following the concrete road this morning, walking to the Railway Station which is on the estate of Wilson Mansions.
It takes about 12 minutes. A road often travelled.
I know every, non-yellow, slabs of pavement.
I was walking and thinking ..........

Thinking about the team I was working with yesterday.
They appeared in my mind when I woke up.
I spent all day with them - and here I am still trying to understand what is going on.
I need to write, SWOT, reflect about all I met and their response, behaviour and most of all the head and body language.
I need to dig into why there was an avoidance of really getting into the experiential learning.
So much to consider and, as always, my contribution in facilitation.

On one day a group, or team, can be flowing and deep reaching.
The next can be infertile ground.
....... and I walked on .....

..... and I walked on thinking about Joan in Majorca,
how the out-of-bed time to out-of-door-time
I was alone.
No interactions, other than talking to Zig. Peering at little plants which Joan is fostering to grow, and wondering if I am supposed to use some, unknown, radical intervention on their lives.
I was thinking, everything was me, getting out, focusing on today and reflecting on yesterday.
I was asked no questions.
Nobody told me they loved me,
Zig is insensitive like that,
and nobody said
"see you tonight Dear".
I step out with my red Converse trainers hitting the pavement with almost a bounce.

More than anything, I am asked most often to work with groups when it is a tough situation - and help work things through.
Each group or team being unique. Each needing specially designed facilitation.
Again, today, I have been asked to work with some special - special needs humans.
Love the thought - the sweat comes later.
I walk on.

I feel, and think, that this behaviour/upset/conflict stuff - all seems to come down to inadequate 'emotional literacy'.
Emotional deprivation.
Humans who have emotions and they never visit that place. Never dive into those feeling. Never feel those signals - just run like hell from them .....
There is a powerful driver in many humans, it seems to me, which, responding to hurt, just wants to consider no other option other than getting back at the humans who has triggered such feelings within them.
Similarly with humans with a certain kind of faith/belief, who only look to praying more, reading their Holy Book more and not considering a range of additional options beyond religious activities.
It seems to me that those in the toughest situations, search for tougher solutions. Deeper stuff -
because they have too.

I can click more. But need to get some zedz.
Hope you get what I am 'on about?
This is important stuff to me.
Sorry it is clouded by inadequate English, grammar, stubby fingers ....................... imperfection.
You are beautiful .................



*Life is difficult.

tired (not exhausted)
stretched
well travelled
loved
reflections full

I did this 5 Words to describe your life thing - with the Queen one lunch time about 5 years ago.
They, above, are mine as I fade out after a long day.
Not had access to a computer all day, online I mean.
No chances to sneek in a little blog or post a new vibe,
full of new vibes too - here at Wilson Mansions.

Funny - I am tired but not in a weak way.
I feel deep things and had another full-on day, including being in a car park called M25/M1 !!
I am full of experiences and have needs to reflect.

I lurve working with groups.
As usual I don't do 100% of what I would love to do.
Always in the deep end.
Always have to busk-it.

How do you work with humans in a group who have lived with pretty harsh experiences of::
- being rejected as a child
- seeing a friend stabbed to death
- abuse
- mental health issues
- alcoholism
- drug misuse
- and multiple issues for some.

Love comes in handy.
Seeing past, beyond, the behaviour - another.
Loving the number one.
These humans who are, so called, at the bottom end of society, can read head and body language like no others.
They have great crap detectors.
The read all the non verbal language.
Words are meaningless unless the whole body frame is saying
you are acceptable
you are special
I want to be here with you
It isn't work to be here with you.
I don't cringe when feeling the hot breath full of foul language.
I don't step back when tested with put-downs
and love comes in handy
(Thanx for the great present you give us all)
loving ............. and being loved is just .................

We need to say, without words always, sometimes with words THIS ...........

1 I am not ok ................ you are not ok
2 I am not ok ................ you are ok
3 I am ok ...................... you are not ok
4 I'm ok ........................ you're ok

............ say the number 4 here ............. that's what needs to be heard ......
The others are NOT OK !

When you work with humans
who have had massive disasters in their childhoods
followed by later crippling blows,
it is something special to hear their stories.

Beautifully so,
I can see humans moving and are progressing in their emotional life.
Some of them building on that self knowledge and growing in stature.
I love it ............
and it means I am reaching out and being touched by a shalom finger tip.

I experience beauty and pain and refuse neither.

~~~~~~~~

..... and I am still prepping for tomorrow so I have not got much to say -
lie!
I have a lot to say but will need to leave it....... and get zzzzzzedz for tomorrow.

Still not feeling my usual full of energy ........ not had the camera down my throat yet ...... will have to wait in line for a while methinx.

Had a homeopathic consultation today lasting one and a half hours. Was a privilege to be asked non-stop questions - a number I have never been asked in my life!

Will be back in transaction beauty tomorrow ..............

Dance like no-one is watching
Sing like no-one is listening
and
Love like you have never been hurt.

Still no wine being sipped
Still no birds on the bird table/feeder/bath/seeds/5*BirdHotel
Still no Cointreau sipping at Wilson Mansions - too dear at £18.50!
Still no diagnosis by the Doctor
Still no dry days in England
Still no Indian food being eaten
Still no - but I don't like still - I love sparkling!

Docs today and they are sending me to have a camera down my throat - just don't think about it.
Two of my imperfections are in the dock (Doc!!)
- My gastric disabling hits
- My cracking/rotting finger nails
Both don't seem to have an diagnosis and a solution.
hmmm
For 95% of my life I have had my ears de-waxed every 4/7 years, never visiting the Docs otherwise - now I feel like stalker.

Joan and little Sheila are going to the sun for a few days tomorrow
after my appointment I will be meeting Big Sheila in London Town for a good old catch up and a meal.
Fathers Day hey!!

Got the most exciting new activity which is called 'Blob Jigsaw'
Wow -
I phoned Ian, with my early morning idea and contents, which came to me before I was out of bed actually, and he has created a fantastic drawing.
The jigsaw is showing a humans life and each part of the life is contained in a jigsaw piece.
I have lots of questions and activities to create interactivity, fun and sharing ........L5 of course.
I hope to get a big one made out of plywood - even more fun!
I a, so buzzing about it.
Is there a web designer out there who could make it interactive so it could go on my blog/web-site?
i.e. making it so that each or several pieces could be moved/removed/highlighted ........
so good as a personal help - and a great group tool.
I will show you in due course.

"Why am I afraid to tell you who I am -
because if I tell you who I am,
and you don't like who I am,
that is all I have".

This is the 'Not Afraid' Mission for this blog.
I want to bleed openness - reality
- the good, the bad, and the beautiful!






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Jam for Bread

On Thursday 1st May at Shepherds Bush Empire, a selection of the best independent artists will come together in an act of solidarity to celebrate 60 years of Human Rights

Radio One’s Gilles Peterson will introduce a line-up that showcases live performances from:
Bonobo (Live!)
Lou Rhodes (Lamb)
4hero (DJ set)
Beardyman (Current UK Beatbox Champion)
Soothsayers
Jamie Woon
Tawiah
Nathan ‘Flutebox’ Lee
VJ’s: Inside-Us-All

See are pleased to be able to offer tickets to subscribers at the special price of £15.00 (usual price £18)
Full price tickets are available here: http://www.seetickets.com/?c=297536&filler1=see&filler2=eshot

All proceeds go to UK charity the Medical Foundation for the Care of Victims of Torture, but as you can see, Jam for Bread is not about churning out the same old charity gig regulars. It is about being fresh, edgy and new.

'I'm really excited to be hosting such an amazing and diverse line up at Jam for Bread and look forward to a great night!'
Gilles Peterson

'Jam for Bread is set to be a flavoursome sonic condiment indeed. A cracking event for a fantastic cause - I'm delighted to be a part of it.'
Jamie Woon

'I'm really looking forward to being a part of it all and just soaking it all up. It's a great line-up and you know at an event like this that "the heart is in the right place". I love Jamie Woon's voice and I'm looking forward to hearing Bonobo too.'
Lou Rhodes

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I feel::
Beautiful Imperfection

Today I feel a bit more of the latter than the former.
NOW ...... I know that this is a feeling.
Feelings are real.
And important.
What I do
know - believe - own - be - is ....... I am beautiful and imperfection.

Sometimes I feel more beautiful than imperfect.
Ha ....... that is just a feeling too!
I smile at the thought ......

The worst thing ...... is when we do not accept the beautiful % in us.
That means the whole of us is 'not ok' .
It can be like freezer in our soul - with the door open.
Still beautiful but not in touch with our beautiful self.

I have no need to talk about this in a smug way.
I was around about forty years old before I could
feel and
think and
say .........
I am beautiful.





.
you?

This was my
Mission Statement
when I started a part time National Job some time ago ........ now in the distant past.
Now they don't employ anyone in that role.



Mission Statement
The mission of the CSD unit is to support the development of all individuals within the YMCA, Individual YMCA communities and the English YMCA movement:-
• Spiritually
• Christianly
• Wholistically
Objectives
• To create a Buzz in YMCA England individual YMCA Communities about wholistic development which includes opportunities and Christian development.
• To bring warmth to the cold and the cool
• Quench the thirsty
• Excite the soul
• Inspire all to take risks for their own development
• Encourage all to become a CSD taker and a CSD maker
Stimulate feelings and thoughts about a creator God who loves and wants for them

Have you got a Mission Statement?
Have you got a Mission Statement for your current work?
Have go - makes life focused!

My one HERE.

Learn to dwell in the uncomfortable.

Saturday night
Joan away
Trash on TV
me, a recovering Gastroholic.

Zig on the rug
No cigar or Cointreau
A wee vulnerable
not used to that
it is good for me
Usually I chose it
This time, it has come uninvited.

I don't feel bad
Lots of good feelings
Feel like I am in Elastoplast City
Limping County
Gutache State
OK/UK

I have been prepping for gigs next week
I am working now
not laid up now
remarkably thinking clear
designing new interactive/experiential things
for beautiful humans.

Had some nice emails
No replies yet
Thank you for caring
My inbox grows
I deal with priorities
Leave out so much
I know I am forgiven
It is a big part of loving .......

*
I never used to write in little chunks, one liners. I used to write real sentences or speak into a Dictaphone. I filled multiple tapes on long car journeys. Then it was typed for me so wondrously. Now I just click a few reflections. Don't have to do real English now - much.
The picture/article here on the blog, is an article in a recent magazine (click to enlarge - the thought is for your soul too!)

Feel I am rambling tonight. But needed to click.
I sort of ................ lets go.
It sort of pauses the washing machine of my soul.

I believe you are beautiful
It took me 40 years to believe that about myself
Please don't wait that long.
bhp





.

I do gig and have photos multiplying.
Then time slips by before I can blog about these adventures,
then I miss reflecting about the gig and time moves on .....
I want to reflect::About::
feelings
behaviour
response
new ideas
surges of beauty in my life.

But missed two days work this week and I have the week-end to recover - glad to say.
My gut still aches but I have no pain.
I am eating so gently
So boring - well not boring but
no wine
no coffee
rich anything.

Have fixed to to my Doc on Monday.
I will insist that I see a Gastro specialist.
These gut attacks are crippling and make life unpredictable when it strikes.


On Tuesday I am going to get some homeopathic attention.
My nails are crumbling.
My eyesight is not the best - am I crumbling?
Daughter Ann swears by the woman I am seeing - I have to get to the bottom of the nails thing.
I think the gut thing will need some exploration.
The Doc says it is not cancer or an ulcer because they would be creating constant pain.

Joan is up North with her Mother until Monday and on Tuesday
she goes to Majorca for five days with Sheila.
Sheila has finished her 'Look Good Naked' programmes
and has one week off before she starts directing a brand new sponnie show for the TV world.
Girlie days in the sun!!

Must catch up with myself over the w/e.
I feel like I have lost two days.
The first day I don't remember because it was taken over by pain.
Joan said I was gray.

5 words from me::
(I think it is easier to this when all seems great)
strengthening
refocusing
futureing
Loveology
excitedaboutsomuch


They are five words to describe my life at the moment.
And you...................................................................?




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