.... Hi .....
...... have not clicked your way for a while so a few bits as they slip from the brain to my finger tips .....
....... when I don't know where to start I start with FEELINGS ....... a place some never go .......
FEELINGS
I am feeling quite good in terms of stability. Not too pressured - as I have been during this week sometimes.
So I have after pressure feelings.
I know I am now relaxing before further intensity.
Preparing always relieves the tension.
My friend BJ says he has never seen me angry.
I don't lose my cool as I used to do.
I am more into instant thought and deep breaths when there is something kicking off - inside - or outside me.
I find myself overcome by excitement more than other more negative feelings.
WHY
Why do I feel like I do?
Always a 'before bed time' question.
I have cracked a lot of prep for the week ahead.
The details need thinking through in great detail.
Considering every expectation- every scenario.
Also I am seeing Ian my Blob Partner in crime tomorrow.
And the Sheilas afterwards too.
At least one Sheila.
And the Saints won a tough battle tonight.
And there is another game on tv tomorrow and that I lurve .......
Nothing really hurts right now.
............ years ago when I was an Engineer working in a research laboratory - I was restless.
I remember.
We were married one year and done the normal thing and started to buy a house.
Well - not too normal.
Most peers bought in a better district of town than the one we lived in.
We bought one right up close to the Young Humans we were working with.
But
I was restless.
Itchy feet.
Then ................ There was the call.
Exactly to the day of moving in - we moved out of the house to work and live in an Approved School in Cheshire.
Years later we still don't own a home as do our peers.
Strike me off as a freak.
We have a contract to live in this house for five years more - but I am not concerned.
Trust .............. - ----- blind foolish - some may say ........
And I think about that special moment
- that pause between two deep breaths ......
I love my music and listen all the time .........
new Sufjan Stevens stuff from his album due in July
hmmm
And I think of Sunday ............
- Church - Singh - Work/final prep - pack - shower - 5am >>>>>>>
I once said to a man, who is great with drama and theatre, that I could never do that .......... and he said that what I do is performance in a way ............. and that made me think ..... and still does .....
A number of humans have said to me, some when drunk, that reading my first book, 'Gutter Feelings', changed their life.
Changed their direction.
I have feelings about that.
But I don't know what they are ............
Dance like no-one is watching
Sing like no-one is listening
and
Love like you have never been hurt.
bhp
.
