Wednesday, August 27, 2014

FEELINGS and Reflections from #Greenbelt Festival #GB14

(Artwork started developed and created at Greenbelt over the week-end)

It's 4am -ish
I can't sleep
meaning I have been
but now wide awake!

I feel like
I have just stepped out of one world
into another world.
For 6 days I have been away
at the Greenbelt Festival.

If you know what this is
you won't need to read this bit
but you will
because you will be interested.

is a a once a year festival
of faith arts and justice.
I have been there for 37 years.
Every year since 1977.

I have been a member of the Board
since 1986 - maybe a year more?
That is 28 years of involvement.
Volunteering of course.
I have now retired from that role.
Officially a couple of months ago
but actively at the festival JUST !

BUT I am writing here about FEELINGS
and I have reverted to FACTS
just to make clear for those outside the frame.

The feelings are positive and good.
BUT all a bit weird.
No different than 'every year' really.
GB is a captivating experience
and it seems I enter another world for 6 days
then come back to real life.
An every year experience.

This year I was asked to attend daily Board meeting
as this festival was my last
but I was busy volunteering in different roles
so I only made the last one on the last day.

I had been asked to compere in the Big Top.
Our biggest indoor venue - capacity 3,000 BHP's.
And I loved it!

I have been on stage at Greenbelt and elsewhere for many years
and used to standing in front of large or smaller crowds.
I love to communicate.
Love to engage people
with fun and stretch and purpose.
it was refreshing to be engaged like this after a few years 
when I have't been active enough to satisfy self.
I always want to 'do' things - my mission things
not just anythings.

I also led a training session for the on site Youth Work Team.
It was great.
The team was made up of all age leaders
with a range of experience
and I loved being with them.
Loved it!

The were great and we connected.
I would love to write it up as a experiential event
for my next book!

There was Compere meetings
Volunteers meetings
Greenbelt Angels meetings
A curry meetings
and all the time human engagement with 
countless new people and many many who I have met 
or known over many years.
THAT alone is personally satisfying to me.
Colliding with humans
Love it.

I love the team operating in the Big Top.
All new humans in my life.
Some were the tech team from an outside company
Sound, lights, on stage sound and video,
others were GB volunteers managing the total operation
from morning until late night.
Truly beautiful humans - the lot.
Martin, Pete, Dave - great job.
Amy Beccie Tom and others, who I forget their names, - 
big up thanx from me for all you did
and all you are.

I als had 121's with BHP's
and also did a Ted type talk in GTV.
This is Greenbelts Ted talk stuff.
Filmed for future broadcast on GB website
and YouTube.
I was asked to do 8 minute with the title
'5 Ways to be a BHP'.

Never done this sort of thing before.
I am not a talker.
I am a facilitator/inter-actor
and always want to engage.
We had fun including singing together
a fun song for a a minute or so.
Loved it - I will make it available for you
in due course - maybe months before you or I can see it!

so I can't sleep on the back of a great time.
It is a mere adjustment to time frame 
environment and life itself.

I have no bad feelings about the Festival.
I ride the waves.
I feel for many I met.
I clock problems to sought.
I met many people who are hanging on in there.
but most of the people were temporary contacts.
Some were people who I have deeper longer relationships with
and they will continue to be part of my life.
AND I love that.

I feel deeply for the festival.
The people who slaved there guts out.
Staff Volunteers, Trustees - also volunteers.
We had over 1500 volunteers running the festival 
dedicated humans doing one piece of the jigsaw puzzle
so wondrously - beautiful imperfectly like us all.
I love that.

I was so tired this year.
Ove the years I have worked from morn to very late night
and done that willingly and enthusiastically.
My age is telling as I just can't do the hours now!
I tried to pace myself.
Going from the hotel later when I was committed to late nights
but also coming back much earlier than ever - so tired.

I saw none of the top of the bill MainStage artistes.
Missed many gigs with people I know and love.
All because I had had enough.
 I wan't even a late nighter in the hotel bar as I have been.
That has been normal for years.
Having a pint until 2 or 3 am has been the norm and a 
big part of the powerful festival relationship making and building.
So Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings
I left site early to return to hotel KNACKERED.

Monday night
the last night
I was there until midnight
compering the BIG TOP last gigs
and aiding the communication
to many who were hit by the bad news
of not being able to leave the site
due to the massive amount of rain!

Sunday I left at 7pm !
I am uncertain if it is my health or ageing?
I know I didn't eat well at the festival.
Healthily or regularly.
I don't eat sweet things or fatty things
so festival food isn't the best so I generally
had a home made quality Pizza from my fav tent
and the rest of the time it was healthy 'health bars'.

I have ben moved emotionally.
I have been stirred in my passion to live justly
I have been blessed by so many people
new ones
older friends and contacts - loved it.

I feel I have lots to offer
want to offer
experience and ....... more
but not got the same energy to live with those desires.
Strange feelings.
I just can't burn myself out like I used to to!
The burning out seems to come at me me rather than my choosing.

I have so much ore reflecting I want to do.
I want to spill.
I want to tell you about everything.
The inner happenings.
The human encounters.
The feeding of my soul.
The fragility of my body and soul.
My being
My becoming.

So feelings wise.
! Great Festival !
Shame about the rain on the last day.
A beautiful place to belong and yearn and live.
Still love it all - yearn for the people and the challenges.
Want to be of use
and seek it's Shalom
because in it's Shalom
I will find my own Shalom.

Going back to bed I think.
Will try to sleep.
Tomorrow I will be more adjusted to life.
Clearer in my head.
Able to get on with life.
STILL reflecting and learning from life experiences.

Loving you
but always with all I have to offer.