A group gathered around a pile of sandwiches at lunchtime-ish.
After the consumption washed down with mugs of tea -
always quick when breakfast has been missed -
I kicked the group off from the informal chat
into a leader led process which they are used to.
I handed out a paper which said that
a child from birth to age five gets 478 negative messages a day.
"Don't."
"Stop that."
"You little ..........!"
The paper had a list.
I spent very little time with that but moved on quickly to -
I asked everyone if they saw a glass half empty or half full.
I went around the group and everyone commented.
All gave sincere reflection to the question
and a large percentage of the eleven
present spoke in the negative.
Introducing the session very informally -
I suggested we look at the issue of
'positives and negatives'.
The next step was a try with something
never attempted with this community before.
Everyone was given a slip and asked
to write their own name on it and
into the hat it went.
Mine too.
The draw resulted in all having a name
which was not their own.
My plea then was for each to say something positive
about that person.
Even if they had never met before - a reality.
It was fantastic.
Everyone did it
even if some struggled and
had to be helped/encouraged by the group members.
The brother to his sister was the slowest response.
A real struggle.
Also a 'first time' member of the group
with a total strangers name in his hand.
He did it.
It was an affirmation communicated well
about her clothing.
He did it.
I felt good to see and hear the words stumble out.
Real.
Then I moved in with some other questions;
1 Do you remember positives or negatives mostly from you life experiences?
2 Do you normally speak mostly positive or negative?
3 Do you think positive or negative?
4 What are the feelings when you get a positive or negative?
They did it.
We did it!
Now we are talking about humans in the group who have met some pretty harsh experiences of;
- being rejected as a child
- seeing a friend stabbed to death
- abuse
- mental health issues
- alcoholism
- drug misuse
- and multiple issues for some.
Not only did they say that the negatives in their lives
have an impact now,
they said what they were -
owned them and not pretending and
hiding behind a mask.
Faces stilled.
You know how sometimes
the skin becomes drawn and passive -
it is because the interior human is being disturbed
and comforted at the same time.
Disturbed through the recall of life experiences.
Comforted by the support of the group -
the realisation that they are not alone -
and the first time facing of reality as it was.....
and maybe is.
It was fantastic and powerful.
The session moved to close with
a reaffirming of the objective
which had been floated at the start.
1 Thinking and practising being positive.
2 Considering our reality in our daily lives. What do we do by habit?
3 Choosing to go down the positive route - a strategy for a new life.
I floated, lastly - these four life positions - soul positions - psychological positions;
1 I am not ok ................ you are not ok
2 I am not ok ................ you are ok
3 I am ok ...................... you are not ok
4 I'm ok ........................ you're ok
..... and they said which they were .....
because they had become aware of themselves
................ and to tell it
..... 'how they were' was important .
........ I hope you can position yourself 1 2 3 or 4 ............. ?
The other groups I lead are very different -
and never the same people.
Also;
Different objectives, styles, tools.
......... and a stumbling to get close
and be
and become
"work like you don't need the money
dance like no-one is watching
sing like no-one is listening
and
love like you have never been hurt"
