........ promised to come back and tell you how I feel because I have that self made contract to be as honest as possible ..... because when I click like that - I do not have to hide behind pretence (nicked that quote from Tori Amos)
I don't have any big-time feelings to tell you but I will dig some out because we all have feelings all the time and we need to get in contact with them and try to suss them out ....... the journey to the interior of self is a great and never ending journey .....
I am just aware that I have been a bit shallow and keep giving other peoples quotes and my 'activities' - and not giving of myself ......
Bits of other bits first;
My beautiful Sheila/Joy comes home from 2 weeks working in Barbados. She is a stylist and works a lot with photographers - I will try to get some pix for you.
Joy just sent me a text saying they had just caught a wahoo(?) and barracuda ...... are those technical terms relating to professional photography?
Music in the groove at the moment;
Carl Craig 'Sandstorms'
....... great stuff.
Ann/Sheila has one of her TV Programmes on TV tonight ......... it is 'PIMP MY RIDE' 7.30-Channel 5 ..... it is a made by MTV programme which she directed.
Then both Sheilas dive off to Bristol on Sunday to run a 'baby shower' (I know more about photography than these things) ..... it is all for our friend Angie who works for Wallace and Grommet.
Both the Sheilas are coming home for Christmas and it is such a Pip-Daddy treat.
Was at a Greenbelt meeting earlier this week looking at the potential speakers for this great event. That was a small group - tomorrow it will be about 100 humans at a big Greenbelt Brainstorm ...... looking at as many imaginative ideas as possible ...... it it wondrous to get humans being creative - just like their creator .....
Hoping for a Brick Lane curry after ......... and flowing conversation .........
I will be doing the December/Christmas e-Newsletter over the week-end unless Joan doesn't drag me into Christmas fairy lights and stuff. So if you have not subscribed to this free monthly (never-more-sometimes-less) Pearls of Wilson ......... you can do it on my home page ...... it is free!!
Don't forget that the BIG BOOK OF BLOBS has a BLOB NATIVITY and a BLOB CHRISTMAS activity which are truly engaging and thought provoking .....
DODO 1 ...... August and December are rather quiet for, mainly, freelance workers like myself. I have some regular employment but December becomes as dead as a Dodo but ......... three items of work/mission came in today and also a possible in Norway in February ............ been and enjoyed Norge-February before and it is a bit .............er ..... beautiful!
DODO 2...... my web-site as been a bit of a Dodo for the past six months. I rely on someone with skill/imagination/common sense/ability to do it for me and beautiful volunteer has been unable to continue BUT ........ I have hopes that it will be re-born soon ...... I WWWhope so.
Feelings ....... I would rather be stretched with humans and don't do writing books and other non-interactive stuff well. I like adrenaline .............. I have left management behind and I would rather create than manage.
So as I crept out of bed at 6-am, when I had no need to, I sat in the dark with my iPod too loud listening to Pete Tong/House Music. I evaluate my life. Feel pretty good about myself.
Pretty crap about the terror and war in Iraq - the mass of humans who are dying through poverty (more Africans will die due to THAT HUNGER in 2006 than with Aids, Malaria, TB, Polio and war combined).
I feel not-ok about all that.
I don't feel insecure even with a crap car and no home to call our own ....... just read the line above and let's count our stinking blessings eh?
I am reminded regularly of my inadequacy but believe in the 'beautiful imperfection' of all humans so I can cope ...... but I do notice these things that trigger feelings ...... why can't I be as wondrous as my friends? ...... and they are good looking too!
I am loved - I am acceptable - I am ok - I am able to look in the mirror and say
'good morning God'
rather than say
'good God it's morning'.
I am the person I want to spend the rest of my life with .....
So the best of human feelings come when I am in full interacting flow - and after as I reflect and delight ....
The worst of human feelings come when I scrape the barrel of my soul and touch my darker side.
But it is not really dark. I don't suffer from depression as many I know have/are suffering. I don't have any addictions (do like a cigar and a glass of Cointreau sometimes ).
Cannot think of any other feelings 'within/interior' ...... my knee aches but that is a superficial 'without/exterior' issue.
Well - that helps me.
I guess it is not much good to you unless you dip into the well of your own soul ......
It is helpful to tell another human ........
"Compassion is an unstable emotion.
It needs to be translated into action, or it withers.
The question is what to do with the feelings that have been aroused,
the knowledge that has been communicated.
People don't become inured to what they are shown...
.... because of the quantity of images dumped on them.
It is passivity that dulls feeling."
