Wednesday, October 07, 2009







The Face was very close
close to the child's face.
nostrils flared
saliva dripping
saliva spraying
curled lips
eyes bulging
grimaced face
and words
loud
hurled
spat
"You are bad".

The memorable here are not the words.
Unforgettable is the non-verbal communication (NVC).
All imprinted in the soul
of a child.
Recorded
on a tape recorder
not only words recorder
not only the NVC video recorder
but also a
feelings recorder.

A child carries those around for life.
Into adulthood.
Into relationships
Into parenting
Into language
Into employment
Into inferior complex
Into guilt
Into behaviour
Into self esteem
Into crime
Into confidence
Into feelings .....
...... I am bad.

The challenge all parents have
is how to manage difficult behaviour,
how to communicate love
whilst dealing with unacceptable behaviour.

I have clicked this often::
'There is no such thing as
a difficult person,
only difficult behaviour.'

Teachers have the same issues.
People persons everywhere.

I cringe as I reflect on my own behaviour as a parent.
As a leader.
As an informal educator.
As a Team Leader.
As a trainer.
As a facilitator
As a community leader but
mainly as a parent.

The mis-management is mainly
because our own feelings take over.
We act as we feel and then
often regret.

That is why emotional intelligence is so vital.
To know we have feelings,
to know in our head - the thought process,
and then to realise what they are.
This is an awareness and
a skill.

We need to exercise these awarenesses.
We need to practice these skills.
That is the process of becoming emotionally literate.
Recognising them
getting in touch with them
and then knowing what to do -
not just react.
A reactor is dangerous.

If we have a feeling
and also have a toolbox full of options,
that is being emotionally intelligent -
if we can select the best option.
The best words
the best NVC
the best tone
the best eye contact
the best way of loving.

We all have regrets.
We can look back on damaged relationships.
Acts of aggression.
Rage, outbursts, regrettable words
Violence maybe.

If we are a person who believes in love.
The power of love,
and not just in a song ...............
We may even believe that to 'love our enemies'
is not such a bad thing.

Loveology is a journey.
We just don't get it.

We may
know
believe
feel
we are loved -
but how do we love in return.

Morso - how do we love
those who have an inability to love
those in greatest need?

New awarenesses awaits us.
The trouble is
we don't yet know
what they are,
because we cannot see.

"I am blind and
I want to see"
Is the best daily request
for all of us
ALL OF US.

In a talk I did at the Greenbelt Festival this year.
I gave five tips for working at this emotional literacy stuff.
(See a Blog below - the one entitled::
'Growth does not reside in a place called comfortable')

Watch out for flared nostrils
and think
and feel
and decide how to ACT
and don't just - REACT!