I was walking down the street
cold, watching for ice,
carrying bags
as you do.
I stopped suddenly
with a hundred darts stuck in my back
like an electric shock -
middle of the back, pain.
It was Joan who carried the bags home.
It's ok now.
Lasted a day
a day of watchfulness.
Never had it before.
I guess a cold back and
heavy bags.
They are physical feelings.
Exterior.
There are others
interior ones.
The most painful
lingering ......
"Why am I afraid
to tell you who I am"
my favourite book of all time.
Regular clickers this way
will know I have a commitment
to tell you who I am.
Being L5 really.
I am feeling lots::
Glad to know that little Sheila has finished work.
That the baby has it's head down
ready for launch, and it's only due 1st Feb!!
Dave and Ann don't know the gender
so Joy, with her humour,
calls it 'Baby David'
just like the TV show The Royle Family.
Maybe Baby David will decide to join
the Wilson Mansions Christmas Party!!
Also Joy is on the way home.
It is like a centring of the stars around the sun.
(I suppose that's what happened at Christmas -
the stars popped out to see the celebrations).
I will enjoy Christmas
but don't fall over about it.
I like the rest of life too!
I know some humans, maybe most,
who are dying for the season to start.
The holiday, treats, food, drink, family .......
I feel good about it all but
not taken over by it.
Feelings still -
I delight in two bottles of Champagne arriving at the door
News, gifts and Cards from friends
and ex best friends from teenage years.
Feeling also unease because of the wounded
alone, lost, hurting, separated at Christmas.
I once did a Christmas themed group work session
with a group of young humans living in a hostel.
Most struggled with soft or harder drugs
or insecurity, lack of confidence, homeless,
self harming, family-less ..... and more.
I asked them to name the main players in the Christmas story.
Mary, Joseph, Innkeeper, Wise Humans,Shepherds, - and the Angel of course.
I asked them to draw a name of one of them from my cap.
Then we all shared how the person who they held in their palms
'felt' as it happened on the first Christmas.
It was powerful - extreme.
The feelings streamed,
I guess many mirroring their own feelings.
The room was still as we shared feelings together.
Relationships meeting at our point of need.
Wounded together .... listening ...
These Bible characters were feeling
missing home
away from family
knackered
sore from donkey riding
freezing from sleeping rough with the sheep
failure in not finding a proper bedroom
embarrassingly-gutted because hey could only provide a stable
fearful because they had been threatened by the local authority -
and they were 'supposed to be wise' .........
Christmas was painfully alive this Christmas ...........
"God entered into our world
not with the crushing impact
of unbearable glory,
but in the way of weakness,
vulnerability and need.
On a wintry night in an obscure cave,
the infant Jesus was a humble,
naked,
helpless God
who allowed us to get close to him.
We all know how difficult it is to receive anything
from someone who has all the answers,
who is completely cool,
utterly unafraid,
needing nothing and in control
of every situation.
We feel unnecessary,
unrelated to this paragon.
So God comes as a new-born baby,
giving us a chance to love him,
making us feel
that we have something to give him."
Brennan Manning
