Thursday, July 21, 2011

Finally came off painkillers yesterday.
Feel clearer headed already.

It has been a month of stuff
the first few weeks off-the-shelf stuff,
prescribed by the doctor of course,
but then stronger for the last run.
And I still don't know what was wrong.
My right foot def gout.
Left foot, dunno.

these physical things attack the whole person.
I feel awareness raised,
even more than before,
for those who live with pain.

Late night has not been so much for me.
Wilson Mansions has seen an earlier to bed human.
But now I am getting back to normal -

Peppermint tea
has been replaced by a special brew.
NOT Cointreau, but a herbal remedy.
I still do my mint tea
but now the one I use most is this
anti-gout brew.
Deep stuff at Wilson Mansions.

Had some strange feelings today
still not settled.
Believe it is all the right thing
but it is the internal stuff.

Mrs Beautiful and me
had a day off yesterday.
Unusual to take a day out.
Always stuff to do which presses the soul.

Where we used to live
we would be walking alongside double Decker buses
speeding London vehicle hub-bub.
We just did not walk
other to the Bus/Train/Tube.
Yesterday we walked alongside water.
Now I need to get back on my bike
work the body back to normal.

I am used to working hard
and playing hard.
I feel I need to move
from the former to
the latter.

I don't get any gigs during July August.
So all my stuff is home-office.

It is all internal adjustment
but today I felt it deep.
I am always wrestling with myself.
I need to work it through.
Understand it.

Mrs Beautiful says she does.
She is settled.
She is aware of my wolfness restlessness.
Bless her.
Bless you.

No better blessing than one from my great friend,
who has left us to compose his writings for Angels.
John O Donohue

This is so wondrously so beautiful.
Read it
let it soak into your soul
Blessed be the longing that brought you here
And quickens your soul with wonder.

May you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire
That disturbs you when you have settled for something safe.

May you have the wisdom to enter generously into your own unease
To discover the new direction your longing wants you to take.

May the forms of your belonging- in love, creativity, and friendship-
Be equal to the grandeur and the call of your soul.

May the one you long for long for you.

May your dreams gradually reveal the destination of your desire.

May a secret Providence guide your thought and nurture your feeling.

May your mind inhabit your life with the sureness with which your body inhabits the world.

May your heart never be haunted by ghost-structures of old damage.

May you come to accept your longing as divine urgency.

May you know the urgency with which God longs for you.