Sunday, October 07, 2012

You and I - emotional intelligence.

You and I.........

you       |yoō|
pronoun [ second person singular or plural ]
1 used to refer to the person or people that the speaker is addressing : are you listening? | I love you.
• used to refer to the person being addressed together with other people regarded in the same class : you Australians.
• used in exclamations to address one or more people : you fools | hey, you!
2 used to refer to any person in general : after a while, you get used to it.

'You make me sick'
'You make me mad'
'You always do this'
'You are very irritating'
'You are stupid'

'You make me feel terrible'
'You make me feel ugly'
'You make me feel angry'
'You make me feel sad'
'You make me feel hopeless'


No-one makes you feel.
You feel your own feelings
They are inside you
The feelings belong to you.
Feelings can be triggered by another.

'YOU' - the word
is not the best word to start a sentence
not the best chance of a positive

Non verbal communication (NVC),
together with 'you' starting sentences,
(what we are NOT saying
is more powerful than words)
are usually a pointed finger
or table banging
and a screwed up face.
This person is not managing emotions well.

The ' I ' starting sentences however ....
I feel sad that you said that
I feel frustrated
I feel terrible
I feel ugly
I feel angry
I feel sad
I feel hopeless.

You are sharing your feelings here.
You are sharing your unique self,
undressing the soul.
Disclosing feelings
without dumping them on another.

The NVC here is often
palm resting on own chest
or open palms.

'I', the use of 'I',
at the front end of a sentence
is owning those feelings.
Those feelings residing in your gut,
those feelings rising up through the chest,
those feelings desperate to spit out of the mouth,
an act of fight, not flight,
unless you use emotional intelligence.

When we use ' I '
we are managing our emotions
(I don't like the word control because often
feelings are being stifled, locked in, whereas
'managing' feelings means 
we are deciding how to communicate
NOT being a reactor.

That skill, called emotional intelligence,
(always developing never fully developed)
nurtures the ability to
manage feelings.
NOT letting them manage you -
and the the resulting
surge up through the chest
the spitting of words
the damaging of relationships
and our own self esteem.
Lingering regrets! 

I believe that this small item of 
Social and Emotional Learning
can be practiced and 
be an additional tool
in the toolbox of life.
from a forthcoming book about Social Spiritual and Emotional Matters.