Sunday, June 13, 2021


 I have encountered so many feelings within me over many years.

I have only started to manage them when I was around 40. Before then I was a reactor - allowing my feelings to dictate my responses to any given situation. I am still learning everyday, as an Emotion Detective, but since CANCER came into my life I am having to accept new feelings and begin a new area of discovery and management &, believe me, it is demanding radical change.

Side affects he started to impact me alongside my increasing need of medication. Whereas the first half of my time with cancer had little demands on my life lived but NOW ........... I cannot ignore the many changes in my body and my new FEELINGS.

Firstly a big positive is - I am pain free. HOWEVER ............... Tough times exist which are beyond physical pain - sleepless nights - memory loss - mood swings - desire to nod off all the time - (and I can't drive)  a total take-over of my body leaving me with lack of focus and direction = eventually/currently pain free ......... but I wrestle with changing side affects which need their own medication!

The current Xtandi medication I am on for three months "to see if he can tolerate it". This is a handful of tablets to be taken every morning after food - the object being to hold back the cancer growth - not cure. There is no cure.

Joan my beloved has been my residential carer. With wings on her back. My everything when I have a mist not a mind.

BUT my feelings still exist. More extreme than normal life. Medication making life more complex.

Life is ongoing. I will keep you in touch - both health-wise and trying to understand it all emotionally.

Stay/Pray with me ...............................