Giving up all hope
of ever having had
a better past
- FORGIVENESS is.
At aged 21 I started on the road of
believing that God loved me.
I was puzzled by this.
How could anyone love
a fat thick slob like me?
Around that time I met a
Brigadier from the armed forces.
He didn’t 'speak down' to me!
He spoke to this young lad
as an equal ………
I could’t believe it.
It was a shock.
Forgiveness is
giving up hope that
I could be educated
& could be more than
plain ordinary slob.
20 years forward
I still believed
but had trouble
feeling it.
I had stepped out of my
comfort zone
sacrificed security
for freedom.
Stepped out of my culture
community
established network
into leading a
young offenders unit.
AND on deep into
other projects with
intensely needy teenagers
living in intensely needy
communities.
I was working with who the media called::
thugs
louts
hooligans
gangs
mobs.
I knew I had to counter that.
I wanted to get up close with them.
‘Relationally’ it is called.
I realised that I need to love them
despite their behaviour.
To love the human first
even though behaviour
was for-ever in my face.
Reality.
The first task of a leader
is to define the reality.
I decided I must concentrate on their beautiful
hiding behind their violet/aggressive behaviour.
I could see their beautiful
behind their cold hard eyes.
My belief in them changed.
But
that was not enough.
I had to live this belief.
I had to speak this belief.
I decided to love - whatever.
Feel their pain - whatever.
Practice, live love - whatever.
Speak this love - whatever.
I worked this through
in my daily late night
written reflections.
The last sentence always being -
“I will …………”
I started to say::
“You are beautiful”
Whatever their behaviour.
“You are beautiful” whatever the response.
We can see a persons behaviour
but we can’t see their journey.
They would only tell me their journey
if they felt I accepted them - whatever.
I could only be in a helping relationship
if they trusted me - whatever.
Could confide in me - whatever.
'You are beautiful' became a philosophy.
and I call it::
Loveology - Pipology.
That is how it started.
I hit a problem.
Back at 21
I believed God loved me.
But I didn’t believe that -
I loved me.
I did not believe what I believed for others
That I too needed love Divine.
Accepting myself with all my
weaknesses
vulnerabilities
dumbness
un-educatedness
SLOB-ness.
So I started to believe that
‘You are beautiful’ was me too.
Even now- it is not comfortable
to click/speak/acknowledge those three words.
But I must to be able to do that
to truly be able to see
the beautiful in YOU
and in humans not as attractive as
you.
So now I have a love
a LOVE that will not
let me go …………
Even though I regret
most of my life I have not loved
as I understand, believe, practice (inadequately) NOW.
At the end of my first book::
'Gutter Feelings’
I quoted a Bible verse::
‘Seek the Shalom of the city
where I have sent you ...
because in it’s Shalom
you will find your own SHALOM’
That Shalom is about wholeness
in every way - my guiding star
on this journey into life & eternity …..
Pip Wilson
July 2016
