Monday, November 20, 2006

When ....

.... I am with humans, ..........
accepting humans as they are,
is always the right thing.
Not always the easy thing.

I hate to say this but,
I sometimes have an inner 'cringe' when I am close up to an individual
and can smell the pain
- the disaster of a life lived.

I feel helpless.
It hurts and I feel helpless.
I feel I want to hug.
because I know of nothing else.

I admire too.
What they face
what they have before them
what they have in terms of inner strength
is often little
drained away.

Outside -
'on show'
to the beautiful human -
I am calm.
I look into their eyes and try to connect.
Chemical eyes so so often.
Outside ........
the 'on show' me .........
is a sensitive and loving me,
not shocked,
not cringing away ......
and that is real.

I have the deepest of feelings for the damaged souls.
It comes down to the soul.
It is not just body damage,
not just mental damage,
not just relational damage,
parental rejection,
not just a lifetime of rejection ........
it is soul damage ........
a poverty that is imprisoning the spirit
Damaged by a collection of the above and sometimes more .......
and stuff we will never will know.

The hurt it can do to my soul .............
it is draining and the need and skill and awareness to stay positive and loving and affirming - is a drain.
But that is the place I want to be be.

Pain and uncomfortableness -
I refuse neither.

Drained or not.
I offer all I can.

That is why I need you.
Need my friends.
Need humans who love me and accept me.
That is soul food.
That is the thing I live for.
Giving till it hurts and receiving like the thirsty ........ and I am!

So I do these things -
live these things -
yearn these things.
I write and reflect and learn.

I need to write and stumble and fumble
and trip
with my inadequate and inarticulate self because,
..................... that too,
is soul food.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I...
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference".

Robert Frost