Between he ages of 21 and 25 I underwent massive changes in my life.
At 21 I was at the point of becoming a qualified Mechanical Engineer.
I remember being pleased when I moved on to 'full money'. After six years as an apprentice I received my first weekly pay of six pounds and ten shillings.
I was working in a big factory called The Vulcan Foundry. We produced massive diesel engines - the kind that pulled mighty long trains through India and other large nations of the world.
I worked on several metal working machines, creating items for engines and all working parts for these mechanical beasts.
Soon after I moved jobs to a smaller company called 'Engineers and Metal Workers' where we used a range of machines including fast automatics which produced large quantities of small metal parts. After a couple of years, now nearly aged 25, I moved employment again to work at Pilkington Glass at their Research Laboratories. Here we dealt with new innovations including advances in float glass. That is the place where I concluded my engineering life .... ..................
At the same time as all this was happening I was playing lots of rugby and drinking lots of beer - as was the social norm.
At the same time as this I met and fell in love with Joan and we were 'courting' for three years before we wed when I was 25.
At the same time as this I went through a bigger change than all of these ..............
I still lived at home when I was 21 - and until I was 25.
University? - no-one ever told me about that. It was either go and work down a coal mine or in a factory. My Dad was a coal miner and during the second world war he did that instead of going off to fight and ............. at the same time he was an Air Raid Warden, - fighting them fires, as and when delivered by Mr Hitler.
He died when I was about 16. It all seems a haze around that time of my life.
He had always wanted his four sons to have 'a trade' and avoid the mining industry so Arthur became an Electrician, Don a Painter and Decorator, James a Bricklayer and me ............................ as above.
Our two-up-two-down terraced house had two double beds in the front bedroom.
Two in one and two in the other and a small gap to walk in-between those beds
It was at the side of one of those beds, when I was 21, that I knelt down and fumbled and stumbled some words out towards the God I had become disturbingly interested in.
God was too distant from me. Jesus, however, seemed accessible. I had heard intriguingly about this from an ex Royal Marine Commando and I had thought all this stuff was for softies - not factory working rugby players.
A few weeks before I had seen my mate Pea starting to change and become ......................... different.
Thinking about it - I knew I wanted the best possible life so I decided that I wanted in. I wanted the best.
When I got up from those knees, yes I still have the same ones, I felt no difference but I was determined to go that way.
That decision was the one that gave me direction. There was more to life than working to look forward to playing rugby and drinking .......... which I continued to pursue too.
Life seemed to gather pace and purpose. I had a direction and a way.
And I remember during the following months, that I just couldn't get it ......... that someone like me could be acceptable.
Inarticulate me.
Fat slob me.
Uncouth me.
Ignorant me.
Rough.
I thought that this faith stuff was only for nice clean attractive humans and I didn't fit that frame.
I had people around to talk to about this.
It was when I was 40 years old when I finally said, was able to say::
I am acceptable
I am beautiful
The thing is - I still feel inadequate
but
now
I
believe
I
am
acceptable.
.
