Messages::
In life we have to make decisions
Sometimes quickly.
When we are communicating with humans
we make them all the time
how we express something
like an opinion
a decision
express a feeling.
Communication is
7% words
55% facial expression
the rest? - is non-verbal communication
our body positioning
our attitude
eyes
the twist of our lips
the raising of the eyebrows
pursed lips or not
the tightness of our skin
and much much more.
(I have never clicked this before
I am thinking on my feet
all these things are coming together
my soul churning.)
At the same time as we are communicating with another,
messages are flowing in terms of 'shoulds and aughts'
"this person shouldn't speak to me like this"
"I should be strong here"
and more ..........
At the same time - emotions are rolling through our frame
feeling worked up
angry
frustrated
messages such as
"I don't like this person"
"I am trapped in this conversation and want out"
and many more depending on the situation.
When there is a conflict going on
in the workplace
short exchanges of negatives
irritation and sometimes snappy words,
with the non-verbals often in close support.
In those occasions
the 'shoulds' are active
telling us what we 'should' do
AND the at the same time
the emotions are rolling
"I feel like really shouting"
"I am really going to scream at this person"
and more.
(Stay with me)
Some humans work with beautiful humans who have special needs
Sometimes there is conflict situations
sometimes there is aggression flowing
sometimes there is potential risk of violence
sometimes a real risk of violence
and sometimes it kicks off.
During these times the messages flow more urgently
fast flowing as the body reacts to the the tension
breathing speeds up
all the energy flows from non essential organs
into the muscles
in case we need to fight or flight.
The messages called 'shoulds' and 'aughts'
and 'feelings' and 'emotions'
are telling us what to do.
We have another bank of messages within us
These are the ones I try to exercise when I do training with humans
These are the 'evaluating' messages so we are not told what to do
by the ever present 'emotions' and 'shoulds'
The awareness, which always comes before skill,
needs to be able to develop to enable us to read these messages
even in conflict situations
or, if we follow our emotions
or our shoulds.
If we do follow them, problem,
we can make things even worse.
The evaluator in us, which reads these messages, and listens to them,
learns to not be controlled by them.
That means we are deciding how to act -
rather than emotional responses or even worse,
being controlled by ancient historic attitudes which I call 'shoulds'.
I am aware I have been a bit cryptic
short hand
but this is a journey of discovery
it is not just about managing ourselves in conflict situations
it is about all interactions, all relationships, peace of mind and how can accept and love another human.
It is a great tool for the life-toolbox.
I wish you was here so we could really talk about it.
Level five communication of course .............
© Pip Wilson
26 September 2007
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