I have received another questionSomeone different.
I love questions.
"I am wondering about you - what you yearn for still ?
what is the spark - a burning ember you will always have in your heart -
but what ignites it further,
what makes those sparks fly
it will be something to do with people for you won't it ?
something about moving on one more step
something about resurrection
one step at a time
and sometimes you have to wait to take the next one?"
That is the question
I find questions a challenge
and I like a stretch
so - spill Wilson spill Wilson spill
What do I yearn for - still?
My Juke Box is broken.
I need to give some time to it, and,
if not fixable
call the repair man in!
I yearn to be able to type.
I yearn to publish stuff I have written.
I yearn, a little, to be able to spell
(do you think I give up?)
I yearn for my Saints Rugby League team ...
that the inconsistent season ends.
I don't yearn for much materially.
We have a car.
We have a flat and always always
feel grateful for that.
I never though we would ever have our own home.
I had accepted temporary rented places.
Of course, the question pitcher,
knows that I have inner yearnings STILL!
I yearn for a number of BHPs I know personally
ILL/sick/fragile/struggling.
Some dysfunctional - deep stuff.
Some behind bars/locked away physically
and struggling not to be locked
spiritually
mentally
educationally
I yearn because I feel a rotting away of my soul -
wanting to avoid feeling helpless towards them.
I yearn to be a developing and growing
Father
Partner
Grandfather
Friend
Helping Friend
Divine follower
Contributor to Greenness/not BROWN.
My mission ..........
(I have never considered CAREER)
still holds.
I want to be and become a beautiful Lover.
Lover of humans
Lover of society
Lover of the least
Lover of the cosmos
Lover of the Divine
Lover of Humankind.
I am aware I am getting older.
No one will to employ me now.
I left, via redundancy,
my last place of employment
April 30th 2009.
But I do get great satisfaction
as a work independently
free bird, doing what I love to do
yearn to do .......
Only yesterday I was talking with Ann Sheila,
and later at home, Joan.
We talked about the impact on our lives,
individually and family-wise,
of living and closely belonging to a community
for thirty seven years.
Both Joan and Ann were reflecting on this.
The beautifulness in this.
The learning/the stretch/the hurts/the multiplicity/the multiple humans.
But I consider that I still miss 'community'.
Not in ant distraught way -
but in terms of
it always
fed me
stretched
challenged
and I belonged to a greater/larger/and more intimate
than a club/church/friendship group da de da.
I feel that belonging, as describe above,
has made our family even more stronger
closer/levelling/loving ..........
I feel I have accepted that this has gone.
Family remains all the time and I
love it love it.
But I still miss the belonging to a community.
Maybe leading one too?
As I click these words
I have funny feelings because
I am treading into new snow.
I am digging a hole into my deeper self.
Looking for the seams, the fault lines, layers
into
the deeper 'why'.
I don't yearn for the past.
I don't yearn for miracles
I don't yearn for Lotto wins
I don't yearn for recognition
I don't yearn for praise
I don't yearn to reside in a place called comfortable.
I do yearn for
my own development
the development of others.
Humans.
Especially humans
who don't know where the handles are in life.
Who don't know they are loved.
Who don't feel they are loved.
Who don't know love.
So what sparks me
So what ignites me ...........
It is when I am doing my thing with young humans.
(Which I can't sustain for days-on-end like used to)
When can see their eyes begin to fill with hope
When I begin to see the skin on their faces
become less taught
become alive,
become more beautiful
because they feel more beautiful.
because they believe they are beautiful ............
These are the peak of times
when the sparks ignite my soul ....
Pip Wilson
www.pipwilson.com
