I went to the Bar,
my turn to order the
pints of lager,
and as she pulled
the pint I said,
"Tell me
one person on your mind right now"?
She looked at me and
said it was unusual
to be asked such
questions but
could I ask her
another question .
IN CONTEXT
The young woman, as
I found out later, was nineteen - Kelly by name.
She serves at the
bar in a Hotel in the Midlands of England.
I was away there for
four days,
facilitating a
conference.
It was a midlands
region of YMCA's with their
CEO's, Chairs, young
staff members and young humans -
all living in hostel
accommodation because
they were homeless
and with needs ......
....... haven't we
all?
"What is your
favourite scar" I asked.
I pulled my jeans up
to the knee
pressed on my shin -
revealing a big dent -
"This is
mine"I said, "a rugby injury".
Kelly lifted her top
from the waist and
pointed to her belly
button - "that one",
and moving her
finger to her left,
"and also that
one - keyhole surgery on my appendix."
She went on to show
me
one on her forehead
and the side of her head
each one with a
story attached.
Kelly repeatedly
expressed how she had never
been asked questions
like these and then ....
..... asked me for
another one ........
The guys were really
impressed when eventually
I returned to our
corner with the beers.
She wouldn't let me
pay for ages
and delivered the
drinks to our seats
because she was
engaged in all this Q&A.
Then we all started
to engage .
All the young
adults, all over 18, - we really had a great buzz going.
She was asking
questions about our developmental programme
and more questions
were forthcoming
for her to answer.
In years of serving
drinks to the business community
she had never been
involved like this - with questions and conversation.
She was really up
for Level Five communication
which I said I would
share with her the following evening.
The news spread
around the conference –
that Pip had seen
her belly button!
The next day we all
arrived in the bar pretty late that evening
following a
hard-working, powerful and beautiful day.
In my case it was
11pm as I walked in the bar, it was buzzing.
The whole group of
CEO's and Chairs were interacting with Kelly.
There was laughter
and all sorts of questions being asked
back and forth.
Already the CEO of
the local YMCA, which does wondrous work with
hostel residents,
detached youth work and children's programmes,
had asked Kelly to
consider joining their volunteer team.
AND Kelly was
waiting for more questions ........
The questions I asked,
as far as I can remember, were::
If you had to have a
tattoo in the palm of your hand
what would it be and
why?
What colour are you?
A colour which
describes your personality and character?
We all have
abilities and disabilities
Tell me one ability
and one dis-ability?
Not staying with
physical but beyond into vulnerabilities.
These are being
related to you in Kelly order.
There is a process
here,of going deeper and more intimate -
between the drinks
and the drinks ordering.
Think of an animal
which describes me, I asked.
And why choose that
one?
At the end of the
evening I asked the big one.
One which is most
searching of the soul.
Most asking of
personal self disclosure .......
When did you become and adult?
At the end of the
evening, following great communication
with our conference
members - and Kelly, I did what I had promised.
I used a bar
serviette to draw the Level Five steps,
and talk her through
how, having this as a tool in her toolbox
can help in all
sorts of personal and workplace transactions.
We said farewell
with that feeling you get when you leave a conference
having worked
together and bonded - collided - connected
and I love it love
it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reflections.
Naturally I want to
continue to ask you
to go beyond my
story.
This will/maybe take
you outside your comfort zones where growth resides.
Are you willing to
journey with me for a few more moments?
I also want to
reflect on why I do this.
What was the purpose
and process.
So I start with this
- why do I do this at airports,
railway stations,
curry houses?
L5 is how I work and
live
I am an Informal
Educator - a posh title for a Youth Worker.
Superficial, cliche
communication darkens my soul.
L2 (Facts)and L3
(Opinions) are so instant coffee -
so why sip at these
cups when we can venture into cappuccino,
espresso, latte -
all depending on our taste.
The process I use
instinctively
is to dive right in
and ask a question.
Then, if someone is
interested, I go deeper.
I ask more questions
which
help in the self
revelation process.
ALWAYS answering
them myself first
which sets the
climate of trust and openness.
That was what I did
with Kelly
and she was
outstandingly receptive and keen.
The first three
words in 'The Road Less Travelled'
by M.Scott Peck,
are
‘LIFE IS DIFFICULT’.
There can be no vulnerability without risk;
there can be no life,
without community.
M. Scott Peck
The first three
words in my last book 'Pip Wisdom'
are ‘I DESIRE
INTIMACY’.
'We don't have to be sick to get better' Carl Rogers
Why talk about the
weather
when we can share
more important stuff?
So I often test the
water,
sometimes rebuffed,
sometimes go over
the top,
sometimes someone
has cautious willingness to go deeper.
I believe that we
can enjoy developing together
and such
interactions as above can feed our souls.
These moments can
speed up the process of human development.
That vulnerability
is a strength
not a weakness.
'.... unless the members of a group interact with each other
then not only is there no group
but there are no group processes either.'
Tom Douglas -
Groups: Understanding groups gathered together.
This is where I am
at.
I sometimes say the
wrong thing.
A humble apology
from me
can also be
developmental.
For both in an
interaction.
"And now you know I'm only human
Instead of all the things I'd like to be."
Are you aware how
much you stay at L1,L2 and L3?
A way we can clock
our own verbal transactions
is to clock others
on the Bus, Train, Underground,
coffee shop or
anywhere where humans are communicating.
So many contact me
on Facebook and Twitter etc
when their friends
are facing a tough time
and don't know how
to share feelings.
There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
...We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
Ella Wheeler
L5 is not
a hierarchy,
in social and
emotional matters.
It seems to me,
where I am at,
that we need to be
competent at
all levels
appropriately.
Are you able to move
from opinions,
strategically,into
sharing feelings
because you have
that emotional intelligence?
Are you able, to
change the climate in a dialogue,
from conflict to
sharing feelings
rather than
just thinking
of how to deliver a
win-lose outcome?
"being vulnerable is the same as being authentic
and all humans warm to this
It seems to me that we all need to be on that journey
of joining the dots/inside meeting outside
and ...
... the longest journey starts with the first step ........"
pip wilson
Lastly
feel free to ask me
any questions -
all are
developmental for me
as I have to scrape
the surface of my soul
understand who I am
- intimacy with myself.
Feel free to pass on
any developmental questions
which I can use in
my exchanges with beautiful humans.
(and feel free to
use mine!)
I believe that
what triggers my vulnerability
also triggers my beautiful.
Knowing, and getting to know more of these
vulner-abilities
is like making friends with my enemies
and discovering they too are beautiful.
Pip Wilson
PS
Kelly said I was a
Dog,
a Spaniel,
the kind the police
have -
intelligent in
searching!
