Sunday, August 07, 2016

Becoming Questions Number 15 - The Answers

I asked you a question
and you or others answered.
These questions from me - 
only YOU have the right answer.
BUT it has to be dug out of your soul.
for me
is a process of

My Question was::
When did you become and Adult -
why and when?

Here are the answers::

I think I have a confusing answer to this one!! In some ways I’ve been an adult since I was about 8 years old. I had to look after myself for significant periods of time, get myself to and from places like school etc. My mother is very much a child in an adult’s body, and I have had to look after most of my needs as a child as she was just not able to. I think I have always been the adult in my family, as neither of my parents were available to be that person, so I learned quickly how to be independent, look after myself and look after others.
At other times, I still wonder if I am an adult now? I’m 40, but there are still so many times when I just don’t feel like I’ve grown up at all! I struggle so much with relationships and being level headed, that I feel like I can still act like a difficult teenager! I can still throw an almighty strop when my buttons are pushed and act out or be moody! 
When I think about it, I suppose in some ways I had to grow up so fast, to be the adult I needed, that in other ways I haven’t grown up at all, because I didn’t really have the chance to do so as a child, and it’s hard to go through different development stages you should already have done, when you are chronologically an adult and people expect certain behaviours from you!
No name

I became an adult when my parents divorced around age 14. Suddenly I felt the need to be the man of the house, this created huge amounts of friction with mums new partner, eventually leading to me moving out. A bit of a bump start to adulthood!

I became an adult when I was compelled to. After the death of my grandparents, my mum faced mental abuse from members of my outer family. She had no one; after recognising her isolation, I stepped up & became a source of aid that she could depend on, cry on & speak to. Ever since, I've never felt like a child & I was no longer treated like one. What's somewhat worrying is that I was 9 when this happened. And it's strange to say that I became an adult at 9, but I guess that's just how I feel! Technically speaking I am not an adult yet in terms of the legal definition, which adds more humour, as those I meet seem to think I'm at least 20. Perhaps "real" adulthood is when one reaches a level of maturity that allows them to see the world in terms of prospects & seeking knowledge. This itself is dependant on the definition of knowledge. Being clever isn't about how much academic intellect one has, 'real' knowledge, is having the ability to understand human beings & sympathise with them. It's about engaging with a variety of opinions & world views. Apart from being modest, perhaps the reason why some people don't give themselves credit for their 'cleverness' is because they instinctively follow the generic definition. If I followed the generic definition of adulthood, then I'm not an adult for another 2 years and shouldn't be answering this question :)

I know it sounds like a cliche but I think it was when I reached 30 when my first child was born, I had to go through the fear of looking after and responsible for another person, although sometimes I still feel as if I'm a little boy now.
No Name

Becoming an adult is not about responsibility, it's not about age, it's not about taking on a family or a financial commitment because having kids and a mortgage doesn't make you an adult.
What defines being an adult is your own stability, realising you are an adult is when you wake every day and stop having those moments where you just want to vanish and hide. Whatever your circumstances, as an adult you will feel stable and have so many good things in your life that you couldn't possibly walk out on them, even if you had the desire to do so.
Being an adult is realising the grass is not always greener and feeling secure enough to ride out the hard moments in life without feeling like you just want to run away and start again somewhere else.
Me personally, I'm not an adult...I still want to run

I think I became an adult around 16 years of age when my big sister finally took notice of me and started taking me out to grown up places, pubs, clubs etc. She showed me what to wear, how to make myself look older, how to behave but how to have fun. She is my best mate and we still go out together.  I owe her a lot xx

I became an adult a couple of years after a long term relationship broke apart. Up until then maybe i lived a charmed life? Maybe sheltered from the harsh realities of living? Maybe parenting took over?
Whatever and however, on my own i twice faced the distinct prospect of no house to have a home In, £1,000 per month was a lot to have to find then, family lived far away and i was still emotionally shredded.
Mercifully ex-spouse helped with childcare and without that, we would have been toast. But to crown everything, i was being a total git and that helped no one, least of all myself.
Those days were hell.
I have no idea how we got through day to day.
They are not times that i choose to look back on very often.
I don't exactly come out of the story with a halo, but we got through. Somehow.
Along the way i discovered which friends were just along for the ride and who were Friends. I shared life (good times and appalling times) with a wide range of people. My children ...our children, for they are parented by two parents, we just live miles apart...have all grown up to be caring, empathic, courageous, fun, creative young adults who all seem to know how to create a home, wherever they live. 
Yes. I grew up then.

What makes you think I'm an adult? Someone once said of my grandfather he could never enter his second childhood as he'd not finished his first one - struck me as a good example to follow :-)

I became an adult whilst in my second year of the sixth form. I had decided to reboot my life after focusing upon pleasure throughout my teenage years. I dedicated my waking hours to imitating Jesus. It resulted in my life becoming ordered for the first time. My attitude to work improved, my relationships stopped being built around sarcasm and spoken abuse, and I took responsibility in a wide range of areas of my life. Over thirty years later, the moments in life when I've had to up my game have been when children came along, and becoming a teacher. I've never felt quite so exhausted in my life! I've never regretted being an adult. It has enabled me to accomplish so much with the time that God has given me.

I am 25 but don't consider myself an adult; I will always be a young at heart. As my job involves working with young people, I will always preserve this as it has got me a great bond with my students; the fact I can speak to them on their level.
However, without reading into the question too much, there are two answers. 
My mum tells me I became an 'adult' when I was about 6 because I have always been a responsible person.
I think I became an 'adult' when I went to university; this is because I noticed my parents attitude towards me change; they let me make my own choices more, advised me instead of told me and treated me like a friend rather than a son. Looking back, this is excellent parenting and something I appreciate. 

I became an adult at 19 when I took a step of faith, after high school and before university, and moved to Sweden to attend a Bible School called Torchbearer Bibelskola (Part of the Caperwray Bible Schools based in England)!
I had never travelled alone before nor did I know anyone in Sweden.
My year in Sweden still remains the best year of my life.
Not only did I grow up emotionally, I grew spiritually as well. I experienced a crisis of my faith which was and still is pivitol in my faith journey. I had never questioned my faith before. Never had reason to question. My non church friends all believed in the same God I did and never asked me questions about my faith. 
Well I quickly learned the Swedish people are deep thinkers and want clear answers before they believe in something. They challenged my faith on many levels asking deep questions I had never contemplated before. I didn't have the answers. I wanted to give up in Christianity. I was in crisis because everything I was taught and believed in came shattering down.
Yet at my core I knew God was truth and eventually made my way back. I was stronger and more open to the beliefs of others. My little Christian bubble burst and opened a whole new perspective for me. 
Interestingly in the years since my time in Sweden I have been asked the same tough faith  questions as the Swedes asked me when I was 19. I love how life comes full circle. I still don't have concrete answers but have a non judgemental perspective allowing dialogue to ensue.
In addition, I was proud that I backpacked across Europe with friends and learned I was capable of travelling alone at times. This gave me confidence and more of a desire to explore this amazing planet. I will always treasure the encounters I had with strangers along the way. I am still grinning from ear to ear. 
This naive 19 year old embarked on a journey in 1986. Little did she know she would become an adult during that unforgettable year! What a journey! Changed my life! 

Think I probably became an adult between July 2010 and 2011, 12 months containing the birth of our second (somehow I managed to still feel like a child for the first couple of years of our first small person's life!), my 30th birthday, and the admitting to myself my previously long curly mop was on its way out, all of which, in connexion with working with young people, factored in to making me feel old.... 

It was only when I actually got over this feeling that I think I started to really claim adulthood though, and began to be grateful not only for the fact that I could still retain a very playful and youthful outlook, but match this with the reality and responsibility of life that I really took on adulthood appropriately - rather than seeing age/responsibility/adulthood as in opposition to who I thought I wanted to be....
It's always a rollercoaster, and I might have got anxious about the climb up to what I saw as the big drop, but actually I'm still having a wail of a time, whatever comes round each bend and brow….

Being an adult has never been a thing that grabbed me
I remember hearing Steve Turner do his poem: “when I grow up I want to be 16” at Greenbelt when I was still in my teens
And having that as an ambition
Adult always seemed to symbolise being too serious, even boring,
And Disliking young people 
And also only liking music from when you were young
I certainly did not want to join that club
Looking in  the dictionary, adult is defined as ‘grown up’, which sounds pretty static and definitive,
As if you dramatically pass a line from teenager to adult, 
I am not sure if that line exists.
Interestingly adult also means you are old enough to watch porn, commit adultery,
Or generally adulterate the planet
Again none of which inspire me to cross an imaginary line
 What I have done in my life is taken tentative steps towards maturity
A becoming type of word, 
Just as adolescence is
A journey step by step, 
And sometimes backwards (in my case anyway)
A moving towards a goal,
Something that takes time
A gaining (hopefully) of practical lived wisdom
Life long learning
Always a work in progress
Waiting for maturity like a fine wine
 My first step on this journey
Was going to university (for one year only – on the first occasion)
Leaving a strict and sheltered Christian home
And encountering a new world
This was enhanced by my ‘national service’: two years in the police after that,
I was a misfit a youth worker in uniform, but learnt so much
Then came relationships, leading to marriage,
And then having children,
And now teenagers
Each step, each relationship, chiselling a bit more maturity into me.
My Granpa’s death and Gran’s death, my father’s death, my wife’s cancer,
Have been staging posts on the journey
So no ‘born again’ adult story, sorry, just steps on a journey


Such a privilege that you dig and share.
Thanking you deeply