Thursday, August 10, 2017

Love? or Anger? Five significant Anger management tips from

'Presence and availability
are the essence of love'
Gabriel Marcel 

Apart from anger at injustice,
which motivates social action,
anger can often be so destructive
to an individual and relationships.

It all comes out of the Hard Drive
in our head = the Brain.
Emotions travel faster to the HD
than the thought process.
More-so in adolescence.

In certain situations the anger fades quickly.
Others live with it for much longer.

I believe and experience many humans 
becoming aware and skilled in this area.
Emotional Intelligence can be developed.

My work with groups is a challenge. 
Not only do I aim to communicate 
but I aim to create an environment and opportunity 
for everyone there to communicate. 
Yes listening! 
Yes verbally and non-verbally 
expressing themselves. 

Here is some feedback
from a school teacher to me
following one of my sessions::
'She left rather like an angry lion 
- and whilst it would be untrue to describe her later return as a 'lamb' 
- she entered the room in a wholly appropriate manner 
- mild but confident. 
And joined in immediately with our activity.
I spoke with her quietly before she left. 
She told me she had thoroughly enjoyed your sessions 
and fully and positively acknowledged her change in thinking/approach.
Something had impacted significantly upon her.
She explained that the session had allowed her 
to examine and express her feelings - 
she has said before that is what she needs to be able to do -
and we have previously talked about appropriate ways to do that. 
However she has admitted she often struggles to do that.'

This young woman had been through a group process.
Simple non-threatening exercises with Blob Tree type tools,
leading to examination of more personal emotions.
(the Blob Anger Cards are great for group work) 

In my own life I know that managing emotions needs 
continuous opportunities to articulate them with others.

Many professional struggle with their own emotions
including anger management.
In their work and private lives.

Five significant Anger management tips from me are::
1   Every time you feel a feeling, give it a name. 
This may sound strange because we have feelings every mili-second but 
I am referring to the feelings which stand out from the crowd. 
The special pleasant one and more important, 
the not so nice one. 
This act of naming feelings will develop emotional literacy 
- inner you, the important you. 
The emotionally literate you.

2   Capture the strength of a feeling when you feel it. 
Hold it in your hand so to speak. 
Note it. Speak it or at least write it down.
Use it as a tool. A learning tool.
Try not to control it, 
suppress it, 
but manage it.

3  Give special attention to the anger, jealousy, envy and negative feelings generally.
Turn the emotion inside-out to examination it. 
Take it by the throat and use the energy to understand it. 
Reverse it into a positive feeling - use it. 
Do something with it. 
When I watch a movie or TV and see a fictitious character, 
or a real life person, whose behaviour or attitude I don't like,
I ask why? Why don't I? What are my feelings? 
What is the behaviour? Why is this person behaving this way?
I am taking the energy from my own emotions and using it.

4   If you only spend time with humans just like yourself 
- same social strata, 
it will be harder to develop emotionally. 
Deliberately spend time with those who are different. 
The more extreme the better. 
Do the above with them. Learn from them.
 Working with 'the hard to reach' is a great challenge 
but massive in terms of learning.

5   All feelings are yours - not another persons. 
Feelings inside you are yours. 
"He made me feel angry" cannot be a correct statement 
because nobody makes us feel. They come from inside us.
We feel. They behave. They have attitudes. 
They can be nasty or beautiful. 
Both ends of the spectrum can stimulate our feelings. 
And - they, family, friends, colleagues, clients - in helping relationships 
need a human in their lives who are getting to grips with their own 
emotions - including ANGER.

This where I am at. 
Not complete. 
On a journey. 
Join me?
Please take at least one thought away from my reflections.
Consider what you plan to do with that seed.
Feedback and your reflections - always welcome

"Hope has two beautiful daughters.
 Their names are anger and courage;
 anger at the way things are,
 courage to see that
 they do not remain
 the way they are."

Augustine of Hippo