Friday, August 13, 2004


........ I feel helpless sometimes ...... to be of any use ..... sometimes the human in front of me has such a massive list of life draining issues ............... there seems no way out.

Sometimes the person is hiding behind a bottle ...... sometimes chemicals.
Others are just hiding.
Maybe, what do I know?, there has been such relational abuse or physical, emotional, spiritual .............. that there is a reluctance for the person to poke a head out of the shell which has to be dragged around through life ........ exhaustion.

Some of these beautiful humans have extreme behaviour - the type that is in your face with violence, self harm, drug abuse ..... you know the range. Others are hiding away themselves and the issues and do not create behavioural problems for others BUT massive life hindering pain for themselves.

I think I offer a little. A human (me) offering all I can possibly be to another bhp.
That is all I can do.
Offer all.
Sometimes it is presence sometimes skill and awareness too.
I yearn to God for extra, not for myself, but the bhp who is in a battle that can only be spiritual - of the soul!

I want to list a few of the bhp's - not the names but the visible - the symptoms - the language, especially the non-verbal.
But I cannot because I respect the confidentially.
So this is ice skating - but I don't want to be like that with you.
I want to push the boundaries of my own rawness so I feel another humans pain - and me mine. That is the best I can offer you.
My openness - not my shell, my mr nice guy, the mr cool - (Cool is just conservative dressed in black).
That is my jolly mask and greeting - level 1 and 2 behaviour. If you give me permission signals I will be as open as I can be.

What is your mask?
What are your permission signals?
Are you aware of your own rawness?