Monday, November 25, 2013

Vulnerability is an ABILITY not a weakness.

I am working at home today.
It just don't motivate me.
Working with
Being with
is always stimulating.
Feeding my soul.
This desk stuff .......

I have just had my favourite soup for lunch.
But I will enjoy my mint tea
cooling ............. at the mo

I come alive with humans.
Not just when I am facilitating
but also
all with humans
to learn from
learn with
(not debate - please)

I am yearning to become.
To be a human becoming.
AND I suppose
this desk stuff
I need to work at
becoming in this area too ......
but so zzzzzzzzzzz

I got a tablet off the doctor last week.
(not an iPad !)
It opens valves in my heart a bit
to let the blood flow better.
All part of this GOUT thing.

I don't get the big 'cannot walk'
experiences now.
BUT I do get feelings in my foot
cramps in my foot and toes and leg

I have kidneys wearing out.
My kidneys don't manage my adrenaline 
My adrenaline is over producing
(no problem with that today then !)
So acid is not processed and it goes to the extremities.
Keep it down there please!

For instance
I did a gig on Saturday.
Beautiful experience.
26 humans
many Counsellor/Youth Workers
diving into all my facilitation
fantastic reflections from my experiential stuff.
Great participation.
Wondrous self disclosure.
Beautiful mutual learning.
Great climate of trust.

I was relaxed yet always pumping.
Even when my Mac malfunctioned for first time
I handled it well with only a few deep breaths.
near the end I felt cramp in my left toe knuckles.
Not severe - felt it only.
Then again at the beginning of my drive home.
CRAMP - for a short time.

This has happened on all recent gigs.
It's my overproducing of adrenaline.
No meds taken - no pain killers needed.

4am that night
I awoke with the worst cramp ever.
In my left calf and foot.
I jumped out of bed
could not bend ankle
my below the knee had become STEEL
painful rock hard cramp
I limped around silently screaming
and it eventually eased - leaving a feeling like bruising.

I have this after ever gig - but not as bad.
Usually the calf - first time ever in the foot too!

I am learning.
Next time I need to take a pain-killer.
I have been OK since..........

Just saying ......
Just spilling .......
I believe in sharing vulnerability.
It is a strength not a weakness.