Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Lisa I love you.

Lisa I love you.

A few years ago today Lisa dropped off my screen.
She was ever present on Facebook.
Then silence.

She was as vulnerable as hell.
Like all of us - 
but she was so fragile she could not pretend - 
Like I do
Like we do ……..

She always used to have a screw top coca-cola bottle with her - she carried it everywhere. 
It didn't only have coca-cola inside.
Vodka was always present.

I led regular group work sessions 
in the hostel where she lived.
She came to every one.
Unless she was on a bender.

She supported me in lots of ways.
She knew that I hoped someone would 'open up' first.
Someone to kick of sharing honestly = L5.
The kind of vulnerability that gives others permission 
to take that road of vulnerability for themselves.

She helped me
She helped others
by sharing, often slurring, herself in the group.

She was truly a beautiful human.
I could tell you many stories
which would trigger my weeping.
I am emotional now as I click keys.

I have many Lisa photographs. 
I would love to share a few
but I won't - with deep respect for her.

It wasn't just alcohol - as normal
there was other addictions 
other damage.

Today, some short years ago, she left the world of pain.
I only discovered some weeks later that she had died
from a heroin overdose.

Two years ago on her birthday - 29th April.
I clicked into her Facebook page.
I posted a birthday message & love.
I then scrolled down her page to view previous messages.
The last one was from myself a year before.
I sobbed my heart out.
Still do - in remembering now……………….

I remember your beauty.
Your journey of pain
which you shared with me.

You are beautiful
Not a bad bone in your body - 
but many fragile ones.

you live on in my memory.
You live on with eternal videos in my head.
Precious one.
Beautiful Human.

May the Divine Taxi driver give you a good ride ……


L⃣o⃣v⃣i⃣n⃣g⃣y⃣o⃣u⃣ ………….