Thursday, July 11, 2019

Mary Lou said, 'I don't want feelings any more'.

...... Pip Speak …..

"What lies behind us 
and what lies before us 
are tiny matters compared with 
what lies inside us."
Oliver Wendle Holmes

I grow in interacting situations. 
They are the most risky and 
I am often sensitively cautious - 
sometimes scared. 
Spending time with individuals 
and groups who are communicating 
'Level 5' excites me. 
It's real.
It drives me.

Mary Lou said, 
'I don't want feelings any more'.
She was a resident in the YMCA community and 
we used to talk regularly over a meal 
(the place to eat is something special- 
it is the one place which brings people together 
in the some sort of Community - 
'bedsit Hostels’ don't have the same chance 
to cultivate a whole range of contact and support - 
from eye contact/hello grins, 
to real level 5 communication).

Mary Lou was riddled with feelings 
and beautiful with them. 
An open book. 
She was great at being in contact with her own feelings, 
which is great compared with the many who bury them deep - so turning into ulcers - or worse! 

She was hopeless at managing those feelings. 
That's the big issue with feelings - 
having them, owning them 
without being controlled by them.

(Was Ghandi referring to you ……………. 
when, in response to the question about his worst experience - 
in the whole of his life, he said it was;
'The hard hearted of the educated'.)

Are you tight and controlled - 
not willing to share any vulnerability?

'The single most worthwhile thing in my life ... 
Was to admit I had a problem with food, drugs and alcohol'.
Elton John

Mary Lou knew she had problems, owned them. 
She never told me intimate details of her complex relationships - but did share the feelings. 
Sometimes she stepped out of the YMCA lift with a face like a can of worms.
Tormented yet not wanting to talk - 
but often in the crowded noisy YMCA 
we shared feelings together and a repertoire to own them and mange them. 
No miracles.

She left the YMCA and I've not seen her since. 
I just trust that the Climate of Trust YMCA Community released her, facilitated her in her salvation which is an ongoing liberation experience. 

Mary Lou - I pray for you - and I'm not going to launch into a poem. BUT I will say--
'A caterpillar looks nothing like a butterfly, but we know one develops from the other'.

Mary Lou - you left your finger prints of feelings on my soul and I pray for you.