Tuesday, March 21, 2006

..... I am here and I wonder ..... you?

...... thinking not just about your geography ............ not just about your relationships ........ not just about your work ...... your creativity ...... but thinking ALSO about you soul ....
.... the heart of you ...... the interior you .....

I have a commitment on this cyber pages - to tell you who I am.
That means - being 'level five' with you.

I feel a bit
light headed
TV off
One World - the radio programme ON (flowing from my iPod to lounge stereo)

always frustrated because when I click these words
the spell check pops up and says "you are inadequate"
as if I didn't know without you reminder you damn clever machine

Fretting a little because I have 80% prepared for a session tomorrow
it is late in terms of fire in the belly
I need
to be

Funny my work - I cannot just go in and then do it.
I always have to prepare.
Often for the unknown.
Unknown humans (bhp's the lot)
Unknown environment
Unknown expectations
Unknown, sometimes, what the real objectives of theirs are.

So I feel not fully prepared
I want to be and that means to have several options so I can busk into a different method to reach the objectives.

Joan is away visiting her fragile Mother and that always impacts on my mood and the same with Zig.
I am without the 'f' word this week.
The 'f' word in out house is Football
Joan watches all the top games on TV and supports about ten teams - this week it is ALL off the screen.
I admire her and her passion for the game - but it is not for me.
Joan is the creative one in the kitchen - always doing new creative dishes. Today it was porridge for breakfast, soup for lunch and caesar chicken salad for dinner. Good and healthy.

Last night I read in my book (Etty Hillesum - diaries written by her in 1942 as they lived under the German occupation in Amsterdam)
"Life is great and good and fascinating and eternal, and if you dwell on it so much on yourself and flounder and fluff about, you miss the mighty, eternal current that is life"
I get so much from this beautiful human as she writes, bit like a blog - to unknown readers, such beautiful reflections and Level Five .........

I am ok - are you ok?