Tuesday, April 28, 2020

She was as vulnerable as hell......................





Lisa I love you.
It is her birthday tomorrow ::


A few years ago today Lisa dropped off my screen.
She had been ever present on Facebook.
Then silence.

She was as vulnerable as hell.
Like all of us - 
but she was so fragile 
she could not pretend - 
Like I do
Like we do ……..

She always used to carry around 
a screw top coca-cola bottle - 
she carried it everywhere. 
It didn't only have coca-cola inside.
Vodka was always present.

I led regular group work sessions 
in a London hostel where she lived.
Lunch time
with free tea and sandwiches.
Also late night ones starting 10pm.

We used to sit around.
Starting with donuts
dipped in a chocolate fondu.

Individuals all with untold stories
untold feelings.
Some regulars
Some nervous new residents.

I facilitated participation
using Blob Tree tools & more.

All aimed at affirmation
triggering a climate of trust
and humans opening up
like flowers to the sun.

Lisa came to every one.
Unless she was on a bender.

She supported me in lots of ways.
She knew that I hoped someone would 'open up' first.
Someone to 'kick off' sharing honestly = L5.
The kind of vulnerability that gives others permission 
to take that road of vulnerability for themselves.

This sharing of vulnerability
affirms
and says 'I am not alone - there are others like me'

She helped me
She helped others
by sharing, often slurring, herself in the group.

She was truly a beautiful human.
I could tell you many stories
which would trigger my weeping.
I am emotional now as I click keys.

I have many Lisa photographs. 
I would love to share a few
but I won't - with deep respect for her.

It wasn't just alcohol - as normal
there was other addictions 
other damage.

Her birthday - I will always remember
some years ago -  but never forgotten 
She left the world of pain.

I only discovered some weeks later 
that she had died
from a heroin overdose.

A few years ago on her birthday - 29th April.
I clicked into her Facebook page.
I posted a birthday message & love.
I then scrolled down her page to view previous messages.
AND
The last birthday greeting was from myself a year before.
I sobbed my heart out.
Still do - in remembering now……………….
Tears now flow mingled down .......

*
Lisa
I remember your beauty.
Your journey of pain
which you shared with me.

Lisa
You are beautiful
Not a bad bone in your body - 
but many fragile ones.

Lisa
you live on in my memory.
You live on with eternal videos in my head.
Precious one.
Beautiful Human.

May the Divine Taxi driver give you a good ride ……



L⃣o⃣v⃣i⃣n⃣g⃣y⃣o⃣u⃣ ………….