Tuesday, April 28, 2020

She was as vulnerable as hell......................

Lisa I love you.
It is her birthday tomorrow ::

A few years ago today Lisa dropped off my screen.
She had been ever present on Facebook.
Then silence.

She was as vulnerable as hell.
Like all of us - 
but she was so fragile 
she could not pretend - 
Like I do
Like we do ……..

She always used to carry around 
a screw top coca-cola bottle - 
she carried it everywhere. 
It didn't only have coca-cola inside.
Vodka was always present.

I led regular group work sessions 
in a London hostel where she lived.
Lunch time
with free tea and sandwiches.
Also late night ones starting 10pm.

We used to sit around.
Starting with donuts
dipped in a chocolate fondu.

Individuals all with untold stories
untold feelings.
Some regulars
Some nervous new residents.

I facilitated participation
using Blob Tree tools & more.

All aimed at affirmation
triggering a climate of trust
and humans opening up
like flowers to the sun.

Lisa came to every one.
Unless she was on a bender.

She supported me in lots of ways.
She knew that I hoped someone would 'open up' first.
Someone to 'kick off' sharing honestly = L5.
The kind of vulnerability that gives others permission 
to take that road of vulnerability for themselves.

This sharing of vulnerability
and says 'I am not alone - there are others like me'

She helped me
She helped others
by sharing, often slurring, herself in the group.

She was truly a beautiful human.
I could tell you many stories
which would trigger my weeping.
I am emotional now as I click keys.

I have many Lisa photographs. 
I would love to share a few
but I won't - with deep respect for her.

It wasn't just alcohol - as normal
there was other addictions 
other damage.

Her birthday - I will always remember
some years ago -  but never forgotten 
She left the world of pain.

I only discovered some weeks later 
that she had died
from a heroin overdose.

A few years ago on her birthday - 29th April.
I clicked into her Facebook page.
I posted a birthday message & love.
I then scrolled down her page to view previous messages.
The last birthday greeting was from myself a year before.
I sobbed my heart out.
Still do - in remembering now……………….
Tears now flow mingled down .......

I remember your beauty.
Your journey of pain
which you shared with me.

You are beautiful
Not a bad bone in your body - 
but many fragile ones.

you live on in my memory.
You live on with eternal videos in my head.
Precious one.
Beautiful Human.

May the Divine Taxi driver give you a good ride ……

L⃣o⃣v⃣i⃣n⃣g⃣y⃣o⃣u⃣ ………….