Sunday, April 05, 2020

HOW I AM RIGHT NOW? - Cancer get lost.

So the cancer was in my
one rib
as well as prostate.

It is still there my oncologist tells me - 
I guess forever 
BUT it has been stopped the cells from multiplying
which is the killer.

When I first went to my Doctor
6 months ago
I mentioned my poor urine flow.
I had a blood test the same day.
Next day my great Doctor told m that ::
The count, if it is a more than  '4' 
It will mean cancer.

It was then that he said my count was '49'.
I did not know the significance of this at the time.
I later learned that that is big time C

On Friday this past week I was informed 
that my count, following treatment, is now::



And now I can carry on as the fix is long term
with an hormone injection every three months.


I feel a bit flat right now after the swirl of gratitude
to all the supporting humans who have been kneeling on my behalf.

I am trying to put my finger on the feelings - and why.
As an Emotion Detective - 
I am investigating my inner being
(and outer too) 
all the time.

I am only clicking here because I need to.
 Mission developing - that's one.
I feel I have a future now.
I know I have been off colour for a few months.

Still -
Reflective but a wee more tired than normal Pip.
I am not on top of things.

 'a glass half full' because 
I don't feel negative.
Not lonely.
Not unhappy.
I feel easier to click the 'nots' rather than direct feelings. hmmm

I have this commitment to myself that 
I will self disclose. 
Tell you who I am - 
here and now - 
every day ........
They are the feelings.

I have been in too much - working at home
LOCKDOWN like you.

Bit tethered  
I suppose restricted in my normal free flow. 

I get my stimulus and drive from 
reflective writing, books, music and many things - 
but mainly from humans. 

So that's it. 
Level Five communication.

....... and I think of you ............. and how you may be feeling right now ....

Stay Safe