my heart so thoroughly and irreparably broken

"And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken 

that there could be no real joy again, 

that at best there might eventually be 

a little contentment. 

Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, 

pick up the pieces 

and move on, and 

I tried to, 

I wanted to, 

but I just had to lie in the mud 

with my arms wrapped around myself, 

eyes closed, 

grieving, 

until 

I didn’t have to anymore." 

— Anne Lamott